Message Boards
Topic : 03/30 Nightmare Brides and Grooms
(Original Air Date: 11/21/06) Contemporary weddings have turned into five-star productions, with couples pulling out all the stops to shine on their special day. But what happens when the bride- or groom-to-be starts making diva-like demands? Mike and Jamie agreed to a small Vegas wedding, but that went out the window when Jamie switched her gown three times, rented a limo to drive her one block and upgraded her engagement ring. Mike says that Jamie also made him un-invite all of his friends and cancel his bachelor party! Are Jamie’s antics a hint of what’s to come in their marriage? Then, Nastassia complains that her husband-to-be, Richard, is cheap. She says he wants her to buy bridal flowers from the grocery store, have her mom sew her gown and even schedule the wedding before year's end so he can get a tax write-off! Will Richard’s tightwad ways force Nastassia to call off the wedding? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.Find out what happened on the show.
More March 2007 Show Boards.
As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.
|
November 22, 2006, 9:25 am PST
 Quote From: airassault71 I never planed on posting any messages on this bored, but after reading over some of the messages I feel like I needed to clear a few things up. First of all I was not thrilled about the idea of taking my personal life on a national TV show, and then I had to consider how it would affect the life of the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am surprised to see how many people have no problem putting their two cents where they're really not concerned. Don't get me wrong, I have seen some good objective advise, however few and far between. And we all know what they say about opinions. I also know that you all may feel you have the right to judge and voice your views because after all I am the one who wrote to the show, but know this, I wrote the show for the opinion and help of a trained and experienced man. However, I am disturbed that you all as viewers only got to see a small part of the story. I am in love with this man, and I have read comments about his smirks, and controlling ways, but you also have to take into consideration that I am the one who knows him, and knows his sense of humor, how he handles himself in uncomfortable situations. I watched the show today, and I was there, and it's our life. We will make the decisions that we feel are right for us. Richard put himself on a stage, in front of all of America, and apologized to me. Who would do that for you? I respect him for that, and it needs to be acknowledged. Nobody, is perfect and what you all need to remember is that you don't know the things that I have done wrong in this relationship. I have read posts that said I pout, and I need to stand up for myself and so on. Know this...I am a strong and capable woman, capable of making my own choices and living with them, capable of choosing who I love and how I love him, and I have not always loved him the way I should. So this situation is not as one sided as you all may think from what you have seen on TV. Remember don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see. I guess my point here is, just move on, don't waste your time on us anymore. We need to work on our relationship, and we always will, because when you stop working on a relationship it ends. I will always do what I want to do, and it kinda hurts my feelings that anybody would think that I would let a man control me, it also hurts me to see the things that have been said about the man I love. I really could on and on and you would still not know enough about our life to come to conclusions. As for Israelmom, we love you and thank you so much for your support. I know how some people feed on the sorrows of others, I think it makes them feel better about their own life. But God knows my heart and our story, both sides. I don't know the future but I do know that everything will work out exactly how it is supposed to.
I am my own woman and I am strong, and I will continue to make my own choices and I will have no regrets. You learn from your mistakes and you take that lesson with you through life. If you don't learn from your mistakes you make them over again until you do learn. But one thing never changes, you are the only one who lives with the decisions you make.
I love you Richard, and I am so proud of you for being the man you are. Love is unconditional, and knows no boundaries. Love is patient, and love is kind. Love endures. As a psychologist myself I was also bothered by the apparent one-sidedness of many of the comments on this board (I confess I stopped reading after a few pages because they were all sounding so much alike). Richards "smirks" struck me as his response to feeling embarassed and awkward rather than as indications of arrogance. I'm quite confident that there are two sides to the story, as there always are.
Certainly I have concerns about some of the things I heard, but I thought Dr. Phil did a good job of being balanced in the final segment when you were on stage - recognizing that Richard wants to be financially responsible (something that he may indeed have learned in part due to age) and, significantly, identifying the way your (Natassia's) desire to avoid confrontation (at least that's how it seemed) means Richard pushes harder - perhaps in part to get some sort of response. As you both agreed, that's not a healthy thing because it's left both of you resentful of each other (you at him for getting his own way at your expense, and him at you for not taking a stand).
In addition to the things you see in many messages already posted, the audience (myself included) reacted against Richard's defensiveness when Dr. Phil offered counseling. To give him the benefit of the doubt, that may be simply because he doesn't think counseling is helpful or because he felt like Dr. Phil was offering it only because of him and he thought he was unfairly singled out. However, most guests on the show who truly recognize and understand how that their behavior has caused pain to their partner, accept help gratefully - often eagerly. The fact that Richard didn't do this (for whatever reason) suggested that, at the worst, he didn't see himself as needing to change (probably not correct based on his other statements although this seems to be the majority opinion on this board) or, at best, that he doesn't completely get it yet - he recognizes that he has some areas where he can improve, and he knows he's hurt you, but he doesn't REALLY understand the impact of some of his behavior on the relationship and on you. That doesn't make him a bad person!! But if he continues not to get it, it will likely make your marriage rocky and frustrating/hurtful for both of you. That is one area that pre-marital counseling can help with.
With regard to the wedding "demands," what Richard has suggested is not inherently unreasonable - IF that were what you both wanted. There have been several posts on this board from people who spent next to nothing on their weddings and declare their long marriages to be happy. However, how much to spend and on what must be a MUTUAL decision. If both of you want flowers from the grocery store, no problem. My sister was happy to save money by sewing her dress and the bridesmaid dresses herself, because it meant they'd have money to go on a honeymoon. Other people have willingly and without regret spent thousands on the ceremony/reception although it meant they had less money for starting their lives together. But whatever you do, both of you have to agree. If one of you does not, that is a point for negotiation. That means you actually look for a solution that incorporates what both of you want/need (and the real constraints of your budget) rather than one of you laying down the law and the other giving in. That's another area pre-marital counseling can help with.
May you both grow in wisdom and insight as you work with your counselor, and may God lead your relationship in a direction that will bring each of you contentment and joy whether together or apart. |
|
|
November 22, 2006, 9:27 am PST
Richard, you are not ready to share your life. Are you worried that you will accidentally bully your future children?? You should be! Maybe you'd prefer that Dr. Phil pays for individual counseling instead of premarital counseling. Clearly you are in great pain, or you would not act so uptight & controlling. Natashia also has to learn how to stand up for herself & protect her future children from bullying. Good luck to you both! Don't rush into marriage! |
|
|
November 22, 2006, 9:38 am PST
Quote From: buckatray I'm a little bit offended by this groom from hell story. Why is it so terrible to try to have an affordable wedding? My boquets were handpicked by ME the morning of the wedding, laid out around a trampoline, and my ladies made their own. We had a potluck, everybody pitched in. We found a place to have the reception that was free (through connections), and did our own decorations. The most expensive thing in my wedding was my dress, which was under $100 and my wedding was absolutely a dream. This was in 2003 and my friends and family are still talking about it. What, was my wedding cheap and shotgun? I know that most people in Northeast Michigan, and regions all over the country are feeling the same way. People around here can't even conceive of spending the sort of money talked about on this show. I really that sheltered? I know for a fact that I am not a "hillbilly" and my wedding was NOT shotgun. Clearly it wasn't terrible for you or many others who have similar stories (quite a few of whom have posted on this board). The point is that it was your choice. You may have been as uncomfortable and upset about a lavish wedding beyond your means (or at least beyond what you thought was appropriate to spend) as someone else may be with having handpicked bouquets on the trampoline. We are all individuals, and thus, a one-size-fits-all "perfect" wedding does NOT fit all! Having the perfect wedding means both partners share their dreams of how the wedding will be and, if necessary, negotiate for the things that really mean a lot to them. |
|
|
November 22, 2006, 9:47 am PST
Quote From: gmaof6 You sound very close to clinical depression, and who could blame you? Your husband would cripple anyone's spirit. You must get help and get out of this terrible marriage. Don't even think of staying "for the sake of the children" because it is not in their best interests to live with a father who loves only himself and a mother who is dying inside. I'm going to be praying for you. Save yourself, dear. It's not too late to rediscover what being happy feels like and to share that with your children. Hello to both of you. I wrote a note in wee hrs. of this am to this woman with children. I hope she will find the strength to help herself and her children as you advised her to. Unfortunately she might be so run down physically, mentally, emotionally and with severe or major depression that she can't do what needs to be done. She might be overwhelmed with all and even the most basic and simple of tasks to an average person are each a major obstacle for her. I have extreme nightmare stories from early '79 and it doesn't get better it continues to worsen. I'm survivor of much myself and this person's advice is on target with clinical depression. I think you might even be a Guardian Angel for this woman at this time. At least she was able to type her problems and vent somewhat. I'm on the prayer list for her and others like us, it ruins our lives and ruins our childrens lives. I had noone family, friends to turn to, no place to go, was trapped and hoped every day was a new day and maybe that'd be the day marriage and family life would improve. A one sided marriage with a selfish, heartless spouse never works. They derive pleasure from hurting you in any way. Sometimes just a couple of hrs. sleep if possible (insomnia most likely accompanying all of these problems) and asking God to help you with these insurmountable problems might enlighten her way one step at a time to get out of this mess safely with her children. Important for her to realize that her horror stories are believed by many, unfortunately and oftentimes not taken seriously by those who could help her i.e. police, family, friends. I hope she realizes that there are many women, and some caretakers that do believe without question all she has survived. The children are damaged permanently seeing their mother mistreated, disrespected and often the children will be turned against their mother by their dad's example. I hope this hasn't happened yet. Additionally the children are growing up with all the wrong examples of what a loving marriage and loving family life should be. They don't see sharing, caring, kindness, compassion, generosity that all should come from the heart willingly and gladly for your spouse and children. They are living with selfishness, arrogance, ignorance, lack of self-discipline from their dad and their mother is exhausted from all so she's unable to enjoy time with her children. The children grow up so quickly and these years are so precious. The clock can never be turned back so the sooner she can make these changes happen, the better. With God on her side, she CAN do it, one step at a time. I hope she'll take those steps quickly though especially if physical violence, liquor, drugs, gambling, womanizing are included. I'm firm believer that if God isn't our lives, homes, marriages, family...then guess who is? and we're surrounded by evil, lack of conscience, warped thinking. Let's all pray for eachother, and remember to pray on Thanksgiving Day for all suffering human and animal, thank God for all good and ask for God's help with all evil. from the heart, Xs & Os of comfort from afar |
|
|
November 22, 2006, 9:52 am PST
Quote From: heidinindi As a psychologist myself I was also bothered by the apparent one-sidedness of many of the comments on this board (I confess I stopped reading after a few pages because they were all sounding so much alike). Richards "smirks" struck me as his response to feeling embarassed and awkward rather than as indications of arrogance. I'm quite confident that there are two sides to the story, as there always are.
Certainly I have concerns about some of the things I heard, but I thought Dr. Phil did a good job of being balanced in the final segment when you were on stage - recognizing that Richard wants to be financially responsible (something that he may indeed have learned in part due to age) and, significantly, identifying the way your (Natassia's) desire to avoid confrontation (at least that's how it seemed) means Richard pushes harder - perhaps in part to get some sort of response. As you both agreed, that's not a healthy thing because it's left both of you resentful of each other (you at him for getting his own way at your expense, and him at you for not taking a stand).
In addition to the things you see in many messages already posted, the audience (myself included) reacted against Richard's defensiveness when Dr. Phil offered counseling. To give him the benefit of the doubt, that may be simply because he doesn't think counseling is helpful or because he felt like Dr. Phil was offering it only because of him and he thought he was unfairly singled out. However, most guests on the show who truly recognize and understand how that their behavior has caused pain to their partner, accept help gratefully - often eagerly. The fact that Richard didn't do this (for whatever reason) suggested that, at the worst, he didn't see himself as needing to change (probably not correct based on his other statements although this seems to be the majority opinion on this board) or, at best, that he doesn't completely get it yet - he recognizes that he has some areas where he can improve, and he knows he's hurt you, but he doesn't REALLY understand the impact of some of his behavior on the relationship and on you. That doesn't make him a bad person!! But if he continues not to get it, it will likely make your marriage rocky and frustrating/hurtful for both of you. That is one area that pre-marital counseling can help with.
With regard to the wedding "demands," what Richard has suggested is not inherently unreasonable - IF that were what you both wanted. There have been several posts on this board from people who spent next to nothing on their weddings and declare their long marriages to be happy. However, how much to spend and on what must be a MUTUAL decision. If both of you want flowers from the grocery store, no problem. My sister was happy to save money by sewing her dress and the bridesmaid dresses herself, because it meant they'd have money to go on a honeymoon. Other people have willingly and without regret spent thousands on the ceremony/reception although it meant they had less money for starting their lives together. But whatever you do, both of you have to agree. If one of you does not, that is a point for negotiation. That means you actually look for a solution that incorporates what both of you want/need (and the real constraints of your budget) rather than one of you laying down the law and the other giving in. That's another area pre-marital counseling can help with.
May you both grow in wisdom and insight as you work with your counselor, and may God lead your relationship in a direction that will bring each of you contentment and joy whether together or apart. The majority of the posts came from bitter and angry people and
for the most part went unread . They needed constructive advice
and ended up just being attacked by a bunch of internet junkies who
feed off others problems while they sip the morning coffee. They
said what they wanted to say and all will be well with those
two. I think the help that they accepted is going to help them
funtion more as a unit now, which was the need in the first place as
they are both very independent. Thank you for the sound advice
and the nonjudgemental way you post it. |
|
|
November 22, 2006, 9:53 am PST
Quote From: airassault71 I never planed on posting any messages on this bored, but after reading over some of the messages I feel like I needed to clear a few things up. First of all I was not thrilled about the idea of taking my personal life on a national TV show, and then I had to consider how it would affect the life of the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am surprised to see how many people have no problem putting their two cents where they're really not concerned. Don't get me wrong, I have seen some good objective advise, however few and far between. And we all know what they say about opinions. I also know that you all may feel you have the right to judge and voice your views because after all I am the one who wrote to the show, but know this, I wrote the show for the opinion and help of a trained and experienced man. However, I am disturbed that you all as viewers only got to see a small part of the story. I am in love with this man, and I have read comments about his smirks, and controlling ways, but you also have to take into consideration that I am the one who knows him, and knows his sense of humor, how he handles himself in uncomfortable situations. I watched the show today, and I was there, and it's our life. We will make the decisions that we feel are right for us. Richard put himself on a stage, in front of all of America, and apologized to me. Who would do that for you? I respect him for that, and it needs to be acknowledged. Nobody, is perfect and what you all need to remember is that you don't know the things that I have done wrong in this relationship. I have read posts that said I pout, and I need to stand up for myself and so on. Know this...I am a strong and capable woman, capable of making my own choices and living with them, capable of choosing who I love and how I love him, and I have not always loved him the way I should. So this situation is not as one sided as you all may think from what you have seen on TV. Remember don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see. I guess my point here is, just move on, don't waste your time on us anymore. We need to work on our relationship, and we always will, because when you stop working on a relationship it ends. I will always do what I want to do, and it kinda hurts my feelings that anybody would think that I would let a man control me, it also hurts me to see the things that have been said about the man I love. I really could on and on and you would still not know enough about our life to come to conclusions. As for Israelmom, we love you and thank you so much for your support. I know how some people feed on the sorrows of others, I think it makes them feel better about their own life. But God knows my heart and our story, both sides. I don't know the future but I do know that everything will work out exactly how it is supposed to.
I am my own woman and I am strong, and I will continue to make my own choices and I will have no regrets. You learn from your mistakes and you take that lesson with you through life. If you don't learn from your mistakes you make them over again until you do learn. But one thing never changes, you are the only one who lives with the decisions you make.
I love you Richard, and I am so proud of you for being the man you are. Love is unconditional, and knows no boundaries. Love is patient, and love is kind. Love endures. I wish I could agree with you.
truly, I do wish I could, however.......Richard's emotional and verbal abuse of you thus far unfortunately has....... to use Dr. Phil's words "beaten your passion down." I'm sorry you now find it necessary to minimize, rationalize and justify what has happened. Richard' behavior and treatment of you is abuse....it is power and control over you. It happens in a pattern and it will not change unless he does his "inside" work......and change his "core beliefs" about women, relationships and the way that life works.
I am concerned for you. From the bottom of my heart , I AM CONCERNED.
I think posts from "jensen332"........."cagb81"...........and "whisper" ........all posted on November 22, today's date.....say alot.
Healthy love is unconditional........his treatment of you is NOT love, it is an "addiction".....(I can bet you're smiling and saying to yourself, "What?, this person is nuts".....well NO, I'm not. This is Abuse. .....and the web that has been spun by Richard has entangled, snarled you "into HIS world." This addiction needs to be broken.
Your life will go on to be HELL, if not.
I heard Dr. Phil offer you both counseling and professional help........now you tell me......Dr. Phil.....who has been at this more than 30 years........DO YOU THINK HE HAS ANY KNOWLEDGE, AND INSIGHT INTO YOUR SITUATION AND MOST ESPECIALLY RICHARD.
Well, of course.
OF COURSE HE, DR. PHIL DOES. !!!!!
I heard him say.....that he didn't really deal with Richard fully......he didn't mention at least a half dozen things, he didn't get into......"egregious" things. DON'T YOU THINK THE DR. knows his stuff? Don't you think by giving you a chance to get into those things over time with the professionals that you are seeing........is at least giving some hope....but yet they need to be dealt with....the intensive counseling must occur.............now its up to RICHARD, and of course YOU, after you truly see, and have worked with the professionals.........to "open your eyes." Your eyes, Nastassia.
Even if all of us....go away.....and are not corresponding with you here........THE PROBLEMS WILL STILL BE YOURS TO DEAL WITH AND STILL BE THERE.
You can't make Richard change into who you want him to be........HE IS WHO HE IS. And to the trained eye.......that's a "deal-breaker " as it stands now.
I have some concerns that you are presenting here that the whole story was not told......well, I say......I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU, NASTASSIA HAVE DONE.........you are NOT to blame for the way that Richard chooses to behave..........you did NOT bring his behavior and all his choices about........he did. Your taking responsibility and attempting to explain things away.....is typical of a woman who has lived with abuse.
You are already being controlled......you have been controlled and the "brainwashing"of it all......has you standing up for HIM...........and not YOU.
This was never about the wedding.....never about the "things" and who does them for the celebration.............................its about your relationship.......the disrespect........the control that Richard uses to intimidate you both covertly and overtly...........and yet still....................you are not seeing it all for what it is.
(one thing I do need to say......about the birth-control pills.......1. Who's body is it?......he is controlling YOUR body..............................he says he doesn't want you to get FAT........again a control and abuse issue..........saying you are less than as you are....you are not loved for WHO YOU ARE.....BUT FOR WHO HE WANTS YOU TO BE. YOU ARE LOVED FOR THE WAY YOU LOOK. , and EXTENSION OF HIM.....NOT A SEPARATE PERSON.....and if you get FAT......you will be less valuable than now........also .........think about this...........
I venture a guess that he wants you pregnant......will then criticize that beautiful time.....cause you will gain baby weight.......yet he'll have sealed the deal.........with you forever in and under his control with HIS KIDS....................................less freedom, less time for YOU. You will be tethered to him because of the kids.
Oh gee, I could go on......I won't.
By the way......how much counseling have you attended by now.....the shows are taped, right? And how many times has Richard gone through the counselor's door.?
|
|
|
November 22, 2006, 10:37 am PST
Neither of these two is a bad person, nor are they a bad match (based on what came up on this show). But, at least with regard to their wedding, this couple seems to have a pattern of not being very direct in communicating with each other, and that caused some problems for them.
Most women dream of their wedding day from early childhood, so it's normal for them to want the day to be "perfect." While it sounded like Jamie agreed to small Vegas wedding with few "frills," when it came down to it, she actually wanted something more - and she took their wedding account money got it, much to Mike's dismay. Mike admitted that selfishness is not characteristic of Jamie, and she insisted that it was "just for the wedding." So why did that "selfishness" come out then? Here's my take on the situation:
Jamie failed to communicate or MIke failed to hear (I'm not sure which) what Jamie REALLY wanted for her wedding. Instead of taking time to communicate more clearly with him about this, Jamie took matters into her own hands and made sure to get the things she wanted (I don't mean she made sure to get her way - just that she went out and got the things she wanted - a chapel, flowers, etc.). Mike did not. When Jamie "made him" uninvite all his friends (a poor choice of words unless she physically coerced him into doing this), it would seem that he agreed, willingly or grudgingly, and did this. He may have resented it, but again, instead of trying harder to communicate what he wanted, he let it go.
Because both of them failed to communicate how much they wanted certain things, they couldn't really negotiate for those things that were truly important to each of them. The result was that they ended up agreeing, instead, to wedding plans neither was really happy about. Their response to that was different, though, with Jamie breaking the agreement to get what she truly wanted and what actually made her happy, and Mike sticking with the agreement but silently resenting it. I'm not sure which was a worse response, but it's obvious why MIke was more unhappy. He not only resented the things he'd agreed to (no friends, bachelor party, etc) but he also felt betrayed because Jamie didn't keep the agreement and feel equally discontent. He probably hasn't thought of it quite like that, but it might help Mike to realize that Jamie could have stuck by the plan for a "no frills" wedding, and he would instead have had money left over in their joint account...and a bride who felt disappointed (at best) or resentful (at worst) about her wedding day. And as Dr. Phil always reminds men, women have a LOOOONG memory. In the end, I think he probably got the better option - a wife who was content with her wedding day. I just wish that, if his friends' presence and a bachelor party of some sort was equally important to him, he could have expressed that in such a way that Jamie could have negotiated with him for those things (e.g. perhaps a few friends and a different show for the bachelor party). Hopefully both Mike & Jamie will learn how to be more forthright with each other as they grow in their marriage.
P.S. While the price of the wedding was not excessive, the price of that purse certainly was! That merited an apology - especially because of the initial lie. Hopefully Jamie's learned a lesson from that, too - better to be truthful right away than be truthful after getting caught! The loss of a honeymoon is a disappointment for both of them, but perhaps Mike could learn from that - if you're planning a surprise, put the money you plan to use for it in a separate account where Jamie can't mistakenly think it's available to buy $600 purses!! |
|
|
November 22, 2006, 10:48 am PST
Quote From: airassault71 I never planed on posting any messages on this bored, but after reading over some of the messages I feel like I needed to clear a few things up. First of all I was not thrilled about the idea of taking my personal life on a national TV show, and then I had to consider how it would affect the life of the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am surprised to see how many people have no problem putting their two cents where they're really not concerned. Don't get me wrong, I have seen some good objective advise, however few and far between. And we all know what they say about opinions. I also know that you all may feel you have the right to judge and voice your views because after all I am the one who wrote to the show, but know this, I wrote the show for the opinion and help of a trained and experienced man. However, I am disturbed that you all as viewers only got to see a small part of the story. I am in love with this man, and I have read comments about his smirks, and controlling ways, but you also have to take into consideration that I am the one who knows him, and knows his sense of humor, how he handles himself in uncomfortable situations. I watched the show today, and I was there, and it's our life. We will make the decisions that we feel are right for us. Richard put himself on a stage, in front of all of America, and apologized to me. Who would do that for you? I respect him for that, and it needs to be acknowledged. Nobody, is perfect and what you all need to remember is that you don't know the things that I have done wrong in this relationship. I have read posts that said I pout, and I need to stand up for myself and so on. Know this...I am a strong and capable woman, capable of making my own choices and living with them, capable of choosing who I love and how I love him, and I have not always loved him the way I should. So this situation is not as one sided as you all may think from what you have seen on TV. Remember don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see. I guess my point here is, just move on, don't waste your time on us anymore. We need to work on our relationship, and we always will, because when you stop working on a relationship it ends. I will always do what I want to do, and it kinda hurts my feelings that anybody would think that I would let a man control me, it also hurts me to see the things that have been said about the man I love. I really could on and on and you would still not know enough about our life to come to conclusions. As for Israelmom, we love you and thank you so much for your support. I know how some people feed on the sorrows of others, I think it makes them feel better about their own life. But God knows my heart and our story, both sides. I don't know the future but I do know that everything will work out exactly how it is supposed to.
I am my own woman and I am strong, and I will continue to make my own choices and I will have no regrets. You learn from your mistakes and you take that lesson with you through life. If you don't learn from your mistakes you make them over again until you do learn. But one thing never changes, you are the only one who lives with the decisions you make.
I love you Richard, and I am so proud of you for being the man you are. Love is unconditional, and knows no boundaries. Love is patient, and love is kind. Love endures. You dont SOUND strong, you just think you are - and if you didnt want anything aired publicly then DUH why go on NATIONAL frickin TV ??? You need to dump this loser and get on with your life with someone that isnt controlling your every move but then again he has you so brainwashed that you wouldnt know how to live without him. Tell me he has never said that to you - I dare ya - cause I would bet dollars to donuts he has - |
|
|
November 22, 2006, 10:49 am PST
Quote From: airassault71 I never planed on posting any messages on this bored, but after reading over some of the messages I feel like I needed to clear a few things up. First of all I was not thrilled about the idea of taking my personal life on a national TV show, and then I had to consider how it would affect the life of the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am surprised to see how many people have no problem putting their two cents where they're really not concerned. Don't get me wrong, I have seen some good objective advise, however few and far between. And we all know what they say about opinions. I also know that you all may feel you have the right to judge and voice your views because after all I am the one who wrote to the show, but know this, I wrote the show for the opinion and help of a trained and experienced man. However, I am disturbed that you all as viewers only got to see a small part of the story. I am in love with this man, and I have read comments about his smirks, and controlling ways, but you also have to take into consideration that I am the one who knows him, and knows his sense of humor, how he handles himself in uncomfortable situations. I watched the show today, and I was there, and it's our life. We will make the decisions that we feel are right for us. Richard put himself on a stage, in front of all of America, and apologized to me. Who would do that for you? I respect him for that, and it needs to be acknowledged. Nobody, is perfect and what you all need to remember is that you don't know the things that I have done wrong in this relationship. I have read posts that said I pout, and I need to stand up for myself and so on. Know this...I am a strong and capable woman, capable of making my own choices and living with them, capable of choosing who I love and how I love him, and I have not always loved him the way I should. So this situation is not as one sided as you all may think from what you have seen on TV. Remember don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see. I guess my point here is, just move on, don't waste your time on us anymore. We need to work on our relationship, and we always will, because when you stop working on a relationship it ends. I will always do what I want to do, and it kinda hurts my feelings that anybody would think that I would let a man control me, it also hurts me to see the things that have been said about the man I love. I really could on and on and you would still not know enough about our life to come to conclusions. As for Israelmom, we love you and thank you so much for your support. I know how some people feed on the sorrows of others, I think it makes them feel better about their own life. But God knows my heart and our story, both sides. I don't know the future but I do know that everything will work out exactly how it is supposed to.
I am my own woman and I am strong, and I will continue to make my own choices and I will have no regrets. You learn from your mistakes and you take that lesson with you through life. If you don't learn from your mistakes you make them over again until you do learn. But one thing never changes, you are the only one who lives with the decisions you make.
I love you Richard, and I am so proud of you for being the man you are. Love is unconditional, and knows no boundaries. Love is patient, and love is kind. Love endures. Any he is a FOOL if he thinks he can take this as a write off on taxes - and you are a fool for beleiving him when he says it |
|
|
November 22, 2006, 10:51 am PST
I listed myself as hopefull because I am hopeful that Natassia will break the engagement. Watching her intended's face during the "interview" showed him to be smiling and showing enjoyment from hearing about his manipulations of her. He seems to hold her in low esteem because he CAN manipulate he. He considers her weak. That is disasterous for an even relationship - they will have a master/slave marriage. Not good for either of them.
I do not think that he is interested in changing - he seems to enjoy himself as he is and considers the flaws to be hers. His acquiesence to counseling seemed to be purely to save face on television which should in no way be confused with sincerity.
I have been wrong before but this relationship has red flags all over it. He will consider her a lower form of life because he can walk all over her and he will be miserable - end up in affairs, etc. looking for "a real woman" worthy of his attentions. And she will be miserable no matter what she does. She will be disparing if she constantly gives-in to him and she will be harrassed and miserable with the constant challenges if she chooses to fight. I know - neen there and done that.
NOT GOOD MARRIAGE MATERIAL THAT MAN!
Marianne |
|
