Topic : 03/16 Rude Relatives

It is pathetic the way the two of you fight. You are grown women and you are acting like a couple of two year old children.  My eight year old nieces are more mature and they scrap it out regularly.  Each of you said that all you want is to be left alone.  Well, guess what if? If both of you would swallow your selfish pride and do so, then both of you would live more peaceful lives.   

 

Terri, you told Dana that you know she was in lower education classes but that she needed to try to stay up or something to that effect.  I take strong offense to that comment because I was in special education.  The fact alone that you would make such a comment proves your LACK OF intelligence.  I was in special classes because I had a stroke when I was two months old and it left me paraplegic and having horrific seizures until I was 9.   I will soon be 26.  Therefore, I was considerably slower than others my age.  I NEVER EVER let it get me down because I know I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH, PHILIPPIANS 4:13.   My point is, just because some was in special/lower education classes doesn't make them stupid or any less intelligent.  Like I said, I was and I've got more since than you could ever dream of having!!!  TERRI, DON'T EVER MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE WITH PROBLEMS THEY CAN'T CONTROL BECAUSE NO ONE CHOOSES TO BE IN LOWER EDUCATION CLASSES.  God knows if it were my choice I would have been physically normal, but for whatever reason He wanted me to be this way.  I'm thinking it's so I can give people like you a taste of what my life is like.  Furthermore, if you weren't in lower education classes you sure should have been!

 

Dana, just a little tid bit of information.  Don't let Terri have the satisfaction of know she's getting to you.  She is so far beneath you and she knows it. Terri is one of those that is so insecure that she has to beat everyone down she feels threatened by just to make herself look better.  Which makes her look like the stupid one in the long run.  Don't stoop to her level.  I apologize if you took offense to the first paragraph, I really am on your side.

Steven, a good book to read about Navy Boot Camp is called "Honor, Courage, Commitment" by J.F. Leahy.  The author follows a recruit class from the time they arrive at Great Lakes, Illinois, north of Chicago, until they graduate in their Pass In Review Ceremony.  It is an excellent, simple to read book, because I read & enjoyed it, as a mom of a guy going through boot camp at the time.  I just wish I had found out about it so he could have read it beforehand.  Don't know if you like to read or not, but you might like this one.  Happy Thanksgiving to you & your mom & sister. 

All I could think during this episode was that the Mother was the one with the issues, and that any issues the son might have are most likely a direct result of his mother's dysfunction.  She was smug, dismissive of ANY feelings he might have, deliberately put him down and told him that the one thing he said he cared about and the people that he gets along with don't matter and aren't real.  She's clearly abusive on many levels as it was evident from her attitude and verbal conduct on today's show.  This guy is going to get the help he needs and is going to succeed, and that will blow her away.  My opinion is that she brought him on the show for her own benefit, to have people feel sorry for her, and truly, I think to hurt her son.  My guess is she thought she'd get him on there and prove to him what a horrible worthless person he is and at the end of the day it was the other way around.  She needs to get her own help and stay away from her son so that he can get his life together and be the person he wants to be.  She is clearly not supportive of this and hence will be nothing but a barrier and a weight for him.

I have a son who I love very much, but he has chosen a road that I can't agree with. He was abused at a young age which led to drug abuse. After many years he cleaned up his act, met a fine young lady and stayed sober for 5 years. Then he went bad, his Father and I both tried to help him but he chose to lead a life that we can't deal with. The last episode is that his Father told him that he would get him an apartment, pay for it for 6 months as long as he kept a job. He refused the offer. Since then I have e-mailed him and told him that I was disappointed in his decision.  I also e-mailed his Father and told him that as soon as our son ran out of funds he would contact us and tell us that he had made the wrong choice. Sure enough on the day before Thanksgiving my son called me. I asked him where he was living and he told me where ever he could find a place. I know he was looking for an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner. I'm sorry but I couldn't do it. My heart is breaking right now, but I feel I did the right thing. He has to live with his decisions.   Any response?

I could see it too.  I could see how deeply you are hurting, and what that says to me is that you are a caring and compassionate person.  Some families are never happy, but whether or not yours is one that can or cannot be happy as a unit, you certainly have the ability to grow, change, succeed, become the person you want to be and to be happy.  You will be amazed at how strong you will become through this process and you'll be able to share and to love, and to even love people who don't know how to love you back.  You have a wonderful future ahead of you and you will be so surprised at how quickly and differently you will view this world.  My best wishes to you.

I am a mother of 4 children. 3 out of the 4 were a breeze to raise. I find it absolutely amazing how the world can judge a woman and make a determination as to her parenting skills after a show being cut and edited and placed into 45 minutes after commercials and then dived by 2 for a whopping 22 minutes. Shame on all of you...this woman came to Dr. Phil after 19 years of raising a child for help...maybe she got it maybe she didn't. I'm not condoning her comments, but I feel for her. And I really think that Dr.Phils comment that she allowed the behavior to continue was also not fair. I have a 4 year old now that is out of control and a 24,22,and 20 year old that raising them in today's society was not as difficult. My 4 year old does not care about consequences or punishments. He has been to doctor after doctor and school after school. They all say it is behavioral. Yet time outs produce tantrums of things flying through the air and almost everything has been taken away and given back and taken away time and time again. If I spank Dept. of Children and Families are on my doorstep, yet no one has any other answer than it is my parenting skill. How is that possible if the first 3 are fine young producing adults and were never thrown out of or suspended from school, and tantrums never produced projectiles that could kill, and my parenting skills have not changed. I feel for this mother as I know I will be in her shoes and in fact already am. And mine is only 4. Judge her when you have walked 19 years in her shoes not 22 minutes.

There is always a line to be drawn about how much is too much and in your case it was definitely crossed! WOW! I hope that you don't ever have to deal with stuff like that again because you really paid your dues. It is awful to see what goes on in people's lives sometimes. I'm glad you're happy now and happy beading!

First, Thank you for your prayers.  I at first taping felt the world would hate me. Today I do NOT even care what others think. What mattes is what my children think and feel.  Those who know me and love me know the whole story. 

Second and I am happy to announce!!  Before leaving the studio to come home, Steven and I had a moment, I asked if he knew how horrid that day was that I hit him for all of us? He said he knew, and he also let me know that it was a turning point for us. AT THAT MOMENT.........

          MY SON AND I HUGGED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS!! 

Steven, has started attending church with Dana and I and it was at a youth gathering that I saw Dana's entire face change as she made the choice to "hang in there" and make space in her world for her brother. 

Thank You for your thoughts...... we're hopeful!

JUST GROW UP LADY'S.MY GOD HOW OLD ARE YOU BOTH.THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.MOVE ON AND GROW UP.LIKE DR.PHIL SAID ABOUT THE E-MAIL'S SHUT YOUR COMPUTER OFF.MY GOD I KNOW TWO YEAR OLD KID'S THAT HAVE MORE BRAINS THEN YOU TO DO.AND THIER MORE MATURE TOO.GROW UP,GROW UP,GROW UP.

 

                                                      KATHY

I feel for Steve as well, but no more than I feel for the rest of the family.  No doubt there was dysfunction all around, going back generations.  But I believe he became the biggest perpetrator of wrong when he moved back in unwanted after it was clear these folks were willing to change their whole existence to get away from him.  He crossed a line there.  I hope the whole family benefits from therapy, and maybe they will.  But meantime, I hope he is forced to live apart from them, because he is dangerous and mean.  The daughter says her mom is her best friend, so I don't think her mom is a monster like a lot of others do.  I just think she didn't have the tools to raise kids.  Seems like she raised one pretty good one.  Like Dr. Phil, I do see hope for Steve.  It's never easy to tell, but I thought I detected a tiny bit of empathy in him.  But you know, the worst serial killers in the world get teary eyed when speaking of their own misfortune and have no ability to feel anyone else's pain, so I'm not totally convinced.  He may have just wanted to comfort his sister when she was crying because when she's weak, that's when he feels most powerful and in control.  And I'd say by her reaction to it, she suspects that.  So he could yet be a total sociopath, but let's hope not.  Either way, the rest of the family needs help, and I'm glad Drs. Phil and Lawler are there to provide it.