Quote From: lilacmessI feel that I need to set something straight because I know all too well how people read a few posts on this board and then think they know the whole picture surrounding a person. For example, anyone who reads your one post below (or above, or underneath, or inside, or wherever the f--- it is . . . can't make sense of this board), the post that refers to me, will get the impression that my husband dislikes sex and never wants to have it with me. This is not true and I have never said that it is. His sex drive is lower than mine, yes. He wants to have sex about half as often as I do, which translates for us into us having sex about once a week. Hardly a sexless marriage. Trust me, the people who complain on the Differing Sex Drives board about no sex really mean it (they go months and sometimes years without it). I can live with once a week. I've done a lot of complaining in the past and certainly I've taken it all very personally, but ultimately I realized that that wasn't doing either of us any good. My complaining didn't make him suddenly want to have more sex (it did the opposite, actually) and my taking it all personally and doubting my attractiveness just made me feel like poo. So I don't do that anymore and I don't allow my sexual urges to be the focus of my life anymore. We had sex just last night, for example. And it wasn't because I came on to him, although I was in the mood and easily could have done so. He approached me completely on his own because I hadn't placed any pressure on him one way or the other. Now, he'll probably be in the mood again in about a week. Me, I'll want to again in a couple days, but I'll probably just keep quiet about it and sit on that feeling until he's ready to make use of it. It's not perfect, no, but it works for us. I could spend all my time obsessing over why he's the way he is, but that would just be a waste of MY time. Honestly, I think my time would be better spent trying to figure out why he always leaves his socks on the living room floor.
it is perfectly normal for some to only want to have sex once or twice a week. Even once or twice a month. I also think it is perfectly normal for a person to want it 3 or 4 times a week. I believe a compromise between a married couple whose perferences are so different is needed.
For me....I could have it every day or I could go for a couple weeks without. I don't get too upset if it doesn't happen and I never get upset if he wants sex two nights in a row.And vice versa. If I wanted sex more often then he desired to have it....would I be upset....no. Would I go find someone else or something else to satisfy myself....NO.
I don't think everything is always perfect in a marriage.....there are somethings that just don't mesh up exactly....but it is still our responsibility to be the partner we vowed to be. There are many things in this marriage that doesn't go my way. MANY THINGS. For example....I wouldn't mind if my husband shaved every night instead of every other night....but not going to have a fit about it. If someone asked me if our sexual urges match each other....I don't know if I would know the answer to that. I believe that no two people are going to match perfectly. That is why there are some days I could have sex and some days I could pass it up. The same goes for him. We are two different people....trying to live life together and hoping we find some level of compatability. I think every couple is going to have times in which one wants something the other doesn't. That is just part of being married. My advice to them....is to work it out or live with it or go your seperate ways. But I also believe that if you marry again...there again is going to be a level differences and again you would have to work it out, live with it, or go your seperate ways.
I believe you are a strong person. You endure so much and you truely do everything you can for your marriage. I hope your husband sees that in you.
