Topic : Pornography

First welcome. I hope you are able to find your way around this board. It is very confusing so far to me.

I think.....you have it stuck in your head that if a man is looking at porn....it has to be because some women isn't doing her part in bed with a man....and I have found more times than not....it isn't about the women being available.

Also....if you believe that everytime you get a little turned on....a women is there at your every beck and call....well you have the picture all wrong. Life! Ever heard of it. Like last night....I could have had sex easily but my husband had a very had day at work. He wasn't feeling well and went to bed like at 8 pm. Did I throw a fit? Nope!  Does this happen from time to time....it sure does.  I think.....so many people believe that if two people are horizonital together....it means something has to happen every time....and it doesn't. There are times in which my husband and I's sex life is flourishing....and sex comes several times a week. And then there are times in which things are slower (and I think it is because of our busy lives) that we go for a week or two without. Do I get upset about it? No....do I miss him....sure I do. Does he get upset? No....does he miss me? I'm sure he does

My point is....life is unpredictable. THere are many things in our adults lives to attend to...kids, jobs, the house, etc. We know this because IT IS LIFE!!!!! and we don't cry about it because we are adults who know that's just how things go sometimes.

First welcome. I hope you are able to find your way around this board. It is very confusing so far to me.

I think.....you have it stuck in your head that if a man is looking at porn....it has to be because some women isn't doing her part in bed with a man....and I have found more times than not....it isn't about the women being available.

Also....if you believe that everytime you get a little turned on....a women is there at your every beck and call....well you have the picture all wrong. Life! Ever heard of it. Like last night....I could have had sex easily but my husband had a very had day at work. He wasn't feeling well and went to bed like at 8 pm. Did I throw a fit? Nope!  Does this happen from time to time....it sure does.  I think.....so many people believe that if two people are horizonital together....it means something has to happen every time....and it doesn't. There are times in which my husband and I's sex life is flourishing....and sex comes several times a week. And then there are times in which things are slower (and I think it is because of our busy lives) that we go for a week or two without. Do I get upset about it? No....do I miss him....sure I do. Does he get upset? No....does he miss me? I'm sure he does

My point is....life is unpredictable. THere are many things in our adults lives to attend to...kids, jobs, the house, etc. We know this because IT IS LIFE!!!!! and we don't cry about it because we are adults who know that's just how things go sometimes.

Today Dr Phil talked to a couple who were about to get married and the man used porn frequently. His fiance.....was seeking help from Dr Phil and confused if this is what she wanted for her future. Here is what Phil had to say to her fiance.

"Let me tell you why it's not normal. Number one, pornography is fantasy. It isn't real. Those girls aren't real. Let me tell you what's real. She says that when you do this, she feels hurt, ugly, deceived, lied to and inadequate because she cannot measure up to these pornography images."

I don't know what part of that message do guys not hear?  They say the love us but yet they feel they are entitled to porn because "it is normal"....because "we are curious".....because "it is the only thing we have."  But they don't here "I feel hurt! I feel ugly! I feel deceived, lied to and inadequate because I cannot measure up."  What part of that don't these guys get?  This women.....that you claim to love feels ugly and like she doesn't measure up because of the porn use......and yet you continue?  Love isn't about leaving a person feeling inadequate. If something I did left someone I claim to love....feeling inadequate....I would really question why I did this.  Does a man need porn to survive? No! Does a man need porn to masterbate? NO! Does a man need porn at all? No....but yet we justify it because "hey I like it."  Well....I like going really fast sometimes in my car but I don't do that...WHY because it is stupid and dangerous!  Sometimes life is about doing the right thing....it isn't about doing what feels good in the moment.....and when we claim to love someone....we should do the right thing! I don't care what the excuses are.....there comes a point in time.....in which the excuses have to stop....there comes a point in time in which someone has to do the right thing! You can throw around that she isn't giving you enough sex....and she can throw around that she isn't giving you sex because you look at porn.....see....it gets people no where!  And the big question would be What came first ....the chicken or the egg?

A fragile truce?  Yes I do seem to recall something to that effect.  I'm fine, thought Dr Phil was gone forever so I forgot it for awhile.  By a fluke, I logged on but said I needed to re-register!  That's when I knew it was up again.  I read your post... Your husband ISN'T the type to enjoy and revere you pursuing HIM? Hmm...VERY odd.  But like you said, he's not like most of us men.  And you've learned to 'live with this' because you love him?  Sounds like he's missing out on a helluva bunch of fun and titillation.  Whatever floats his boat I guess lol.  Sounds like you're a little spitfire hehe....

I am not a wife who lays in bed waiting for my husband.  I often approach him to initiate (which he enjoys), but I have to request that he try to seduce me once in a while.  I get tired of waiting around on him to initiate with me.  When all of this (I found the porn and he admitted to masturbating to it)came down I had to ask him how he would feel if I went behind his back and masturbated to images of naked men.  He said that he wouldn't like me to do that.  He has told me many times that he does not ever want to share me - that means physically and emotionally or mentally.  I feel the same way about him.  I am ready to try new things - but it's hard to do that when someone repeatedly and on purpose tries to decieve you.  Doesn't make me want to rip my clothes off for him when I've caught him in a lie.  Not a real big turn-on for me.

 As mentioned before, it is very sad that porn has filtered down so much into our culture.  We have a 5 year old son and a daughter who isn't even one year old yet.  I think about the kind of world that they are growing up in - and how kids are growing up so fast.  I worry for them.