Topic : Pornography

lets be miserable for the rest of my life because my husband keeps making excuses and thinks all problems are everyones but his own.  To me life is to short to be unhappy, too many people just stick around and wait to see what is going to happen, instead of taking the bull by the horn.  I am not saying get a divorce or anything like that, but you have to make your own happiness.  Yes, there are real men out their that dont need porn, that dont think that they run the household etc.  If you have children, that is what is the most important thing, you and their happiness.  He is obviously quite happy because he is getting the best of both worlds, who wouldnt be happy about that? 

  

I understand about the whole turn off thing about watching porn, it is more like a freak show going on and it is quite funny and a good joke, but a turn on, LOL.  That is funny. 

How's everyone doing? I don't have time to go back and read the numerous posts here.  But thought I'd drop in to say hi!  I've finally fixed my Dad's computer...he downloads everything to his desk top and then wonders why things won't work for him. LOL....he's not at all computer savy.   He's doing so much better.  He spent 2 days in the hospital since leaving at Christmas.  A serious infection set in his bladder, where he had his last tumor removed and they put in a valve for him to urinate.  He had been on a cath/bag for the last several years now which had been giving him more serious problems.  The thing he didn't tell me before coming for Christmas was that his "out patient" surgery he had earlier ended up being more invasive and he ended up being in hospital for a few days.  That ticked me off, because I would have insisted he didn't come for Christmas in the first place.  He won't stop traveling, no matter what the doctors say!  He insists on going going all the time...even before the doctor says he should!  MEN!!!!   

  

As soon as his infection totally clears up, in about 10 days, he will resume chemotherapy because his PSA levels are now 5.3...which is way up meaning his cancer is back full blown.  He is in good spirits since I came here for him.  He won't eat much and that's what his doctor said he has got to do prior to starting chemo again.   So I am cooking and juicing everything for him these days.  He's now eating better.  It will be really hard to leave him again, but I have to get back home to.  I don't even know if I have a job left at this point.  Not to mention....he seems really irritated with the attention I am giving him, LOL...that's too darn bad, I told him.  What a baby sometimes! 

  

The good news is that his sweet heart girl friend will be taking over for me here. I do love her, she's the greatest person, and funny as all get out.  He seems to be happier knowing she'll be taking over and staying with him.....I think he's a bit uncomfortable having his own daughter doing certain things for him.  He NEEDS a wife...and I ain't HIS wife....that's what he told me yesterday.    I told him, I am perfectly OK with doing this for him....he laughed and said "YOUR comfort, I don't give a damn about"~!  In reality, I am so afraid sometimes, because I am worried I'll do or say something wrong...he's my Dad, and I can't imagine how humiliated he must feel sometimes. 
 

 After this episode, they will both come to visit me again and stay a while then.  That's the great part.   He's giving me an open end flight so that I can come back if I need to.  So I am relieved for that.  But I also can't wait to go home....does that make sense?  I feel guilty, but at the same time...I am also really home sick. 

  

Well, you all take care.  I'll visit when I can. 

  

Luv~ 

I have been married to the same guy for 7 years been with him for 10.We have 2 boys and a girl and im pregnant with my 3rd little boy due on January the 27th.I see signs of my husband getting on our computer and looking at porn but he denies it.He tells me its a hacker into our computer and doing it.Like for example the other day he downloaded a movie and it turned out to be a porno i told he to delete it.I walked away and thought he did.Well the next day i was seeing who was uploading from us and someone had uploaded this song and i said well im going to take alook and see why this song and when i double clicked it boom it was that porno.He had went in and renamed it and put it under one ofour songs thinking i was stupid not to knwo what it was.And another example is when i was first put in the hospital with my little girl on DEcember 17th 2001 he was at home and rented 2 pornos on our directv account when i had got home the next day from having her he denied it and said someone must have been in the house he ws there for ym daughter to be born but the lies are taken a toll on me.I weigh 252 pounds i have gained 23 pounds with this child and i feel like i have to look that those women to make him want me more? Does anyone have any advice for me what to do? Talking to him about it makes it worse he yells and says he's tired of being accused when he isn't the one looking at it and putting it onthe computer but who is?

nope it's me kimi....?????

be stupid. he knows I'm married and respects that. we both agree to be only friends. I knew him from grade 4 ( we where 10) we lost contact at 16. and when we met up again the first time we saw each other our eyes could tell the truth !!! 

I instantly knew how we both felt and so did he. I asked for conformation from him. and well , I got it. he is so cute , with a wonderful personality. but his un touchable. 

I never before wished that I wasn't married. now i do !!! 

my hands are tied , but I wish i was free! 

  

any way how are you ??? 

about Jeff. , I think he is hurting its obviouse that he has serious relationship problems and hasn a non responsive wife. don't judge too quickly ! just as we have a problem with men because of their habbits, he has one with women because of his wife. 

he doesn't realy mean to sound mean towards us. 

he hust needs love and patience. so be kind to him. 

Your words: 

well, my new years was fun .  

but sad at the same time. if you have been reading any of my past posts you'll know about my long lost friend  that I found again and told you all about that was my first love !!!  

well, on new years he addmitted to loving me too . and said that if I wheren't married . there would be a big chance for us to be together the way we belong. that totaly broke my heart. I wish I could tell you how badly I want us to be together that way !  

I feel so guilty about it . but the love i feel for him is still so streong. I have never loved any one so mujch. but when my search for him years ago didn't work out , I decided to move on.  

and now 9 years later he comes back and all those feelings come back & I have to find out that he feels the same way too !  

I can't expect him to wait for me and to divorce with out a reason well,  

so , we have decided to be only friends.  

I can't loose him again.  

I love him so much , it makes what i feel for my H like puppy love.  

DAMN !!!!!!!! I hate this. !!!!  

It felt so good being in his arms when he hugged me hello the other day !!!  

Please any advice will help as long as you don't tell me to get rid of him !!!!  

Now finaly I feel like my H and I are even. he has his porn and I have my  ' forbidden love' !  

Help????( jeff, advice please ????? )   

  

My Words to you: 

  

Two wrongs never made anything work out right.  Sorry, but you seriously need to grow up and simply make a choice that your children, your husband, and yourself is more important than your "first love" experience with this guy.  Dump his as a friend and as a thought of ever being with.  That is if you want your current marriage to work.  Whether your husband uses porn or not....YOU are not acting, or thinking any differently.  In reality you are thinking  about a real person, one that you are literally emtionally betraying your marriage with.   

  

Heres the deal, you can never ever expect to be blessed with a good marriage, when you yourself will consider the love  you have with your husband to be "puppy love" and still hang on to what is impossible to have.  The only reason you want this person, IS because you can't have him and he can't have you.  The same "newness" of that relationship would likely end up in the same condition as your current marriage.  Because you are not honoring your marriage.   

  

Joline, men aren't stupid, (well, except this guy you say "loves you")....and they can sense as equally as any woman when things aren't exactly right.  Don't think for too long that your husband won't sense this and wonder about it.  Especially since you intend on keeping this "friendship".  Don't be a fool.  And don't play with fire.  If your heart is truly no into saving your own marriage, then don't wonder why later on what they heck happened....when you will be equally responsible for it's down fall. 

  

Luv~ 

are boyfriend and girlfriend.....they probably share a bedroom (since they are LIVING TOGETHER). So why does she need permission to enter the bedroom? 

  

Also...ALLOW your wife to come home......???? 

  

You have to ALLOW her???? you just painted a good picture of your marriage. You allow her to do things....and the only thing she has to control is her body...and maybe that is why she isn't having sex with you. It is because it is the only thing she doesn't need your permission to do or not do. 

had her wisdom teeth pulled yesterday. No accident... 

  

Oh except years ago I was in an accident and I it messed up my back. So every once in awhile it bothers me. but no were not JUST in an accident. 

  

sorry if I confused you. 

firstly : if it where a hacker it wouldn't show on your  pc's record. only things that were looked at on your pc would reflect.  men tend to use pregnancies as an excuse. the fact is you caught him a few times . don't let him try and fool you into believing his lies. 

well, I'm sure if you read alot of these posts you will find alot of advise. 

don't pay any att. to those who say you must loose weight. or you are the problem . loosing weight is up to you and should only be done for your self. 

put your foot down , don't take his crap. but you must decide what is most important to you. 

just remember what I said about th pc> 

I hope this helps you. and welcome here I hope you get what you are looking for! 

I hear the same thing from my husband. "When I start paying half the rent then that will give me more rights" not exaclty those words, but I know that is how he feels. I am sure his friends and family think I am taking advantage of him financially but I do not take any money from him and I pay for my own expenses. I contribute what I can. If that is not enough for him, then he needs to find someone that make more money. I told him this. 

  

As soon as you make a relationship unbalanced with threats or resentments and it is not clear what each other needs to feel comfortable and then seeing if that is realistic or fair, you have begun the battle of losers.