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Topic : Pornography

Number of Replies: 27679
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:18:48 pm
Author : dataimport

Good or bad, does porn play a part in your life? Talk about it here.


For support, please visit the How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship message board.

 

Please note: While a mature discussion about pornography is the purpose of this board, any posts that are attacking towards another poster, or are too graphic in nature, will be removed at the moderators' discretion.



As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

July 26, 2005, 3:02 pm CDT

This board needs some serious tweeking.

 
 
July 26, 2005, 3:15 pm CDT

thanks for sharing

Quote From: susie24

Hi all. I have been married for a year and 6 months before our marriage, I discovered that my husband had an addiction to internet porn. It affected our relationship because he found that he couldn't be aroused by me. I was very similar to Kiza from Dr. Phil's show about sex issues. However, I consulted friends and family and determined that I wouldn't marry my husband unless he went to counseling with a specialist. He did so and after weeks of therapy, his "need" to turn to porn decreased. In therapy he discussed his issue with his own self-esteem as the root of his addiction. That is what he really needed to address.

We did get married and have had a pretty good first year. We are both aware that the porn addiction might be something that comes up again and we are willing to address it in a professional manner.

I felt compelled to post because it seems like most of the posts are so negative and I think that our story is a positive one. I know that my husband loves me deeply and he's willing to change, which has made this road easier.

For those who need more resources, my husband's therapist is a member of the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity which has resources for people looking for therapists, etc. The website is www.ncsac.com.
I thank you for sharing with us. I am so happy your husband sought out help. Mine has too and it has changed everything for us! I think.....sometimes it takes someone else (professional) to make the message understood and to make it stick. Thumbs up for the counseling that you found and for them helping the both of you!
 
July 26, 2005, 3:17 pm CDT

Ditto!!!!

Quote From: allinall

this really really isn't better now is it?
 
July 26, 2005, 3:25 pm CDT

lilacmess

The same damn thing happened to me!  Aaarrgghhh!  I don't want to re-type it lol...

You try again, and then I'll attempt to reply to it BEFORE it gets lost somewhere on the internet (rolling eyes)  Why didn't they just keep the board the way it was?

 
July 26, 2005, 3:50 pm CDT

sandman, maybe we're being punished

Anyway, I'll try again. I've suggested my husband visit a doctor and have his testosterone level checked. He flatly refuses. He also refuses to try any of the herbal remedies they have out there. He once inferred that he might be willing to try Viagra, but has since changed his mind. Besides, he would only want the Viagra to prolong his erection. He wouldn't want to take it to increase frequency of sex. His problem has never been with getting an erection. His problem is with getting in the mood, which he has to be first before he'll allow himself to have sex. Yes, I said allow. Once he decides to be in the mood, he's capable of getting hard instantly. I don't even have to touch him. If he's not in the mood, however, nothing works. Sure, I can touch him and give him an erection, but he won't want to act on it unless he's "in the mood." Seriously, he'll roll over with his erection and fall asleep. So it's not like I can seduce him by getting him hard and then hoping animal forces take over. He has to make the decision in his own mind to have sex before anything happens. When it does happen, about half as frequently as I would like it to, his focus is almost completely on me. His favorite part of me to look at when we're having sex is my face. My facial expressions and reactions turn him on more than anything. If he closes his eyes, I know it's not because he's thinking of another woman but because he can't look at me any longer without climaxing and he wants it to last longer for me. I've offered sexual favors most men long for: oral, anal, watch me masturbate, oral in the car. Anything to get him in the mood. But there is nothing I can do. He has to be in the mood first and even then he's mostly so concerned about my pleasure that he denies himself. I live for those times when he lets himself go and forgets about my pleasure for a moment because he's all caught up in his own, although he usually apologizes afterwards for being selfish. I tell him he's not selfish. I tell him nothing turns me on more than him getting off on me. He must not believe me. Some girl must have made sex a big chore for him long ago and he just can't get past it. I don't know. But I love him. And slowly but surely it gets better. Slowly but surely.

 
July 26, 2005, 4:27 pm CDT

maybe

Quote From: lilacmess

Anyway, I'll try again. I've suggested my husband visit a doctor and have his testosterone level checked. He flatly refuses. He also refuses to try any of the herbal remedies they have out there. He once inferred that he might be willing to try Viagra, but has since changed his mind. Besides, he would only want the Viagra to prolong his erection. He wouldn't want to take it to increase frequency of sex. His problem has never been with getting an erection. His problem is with getting in the mood, which he has to be first before he'll allow himself to have sex. Yes, I said allow. Once he decides to be in the mood, he's capableof getting hard instantly. I don't even have to touch him. If he's not in the mood, however, nothing works. Sure, I can touch him and give him an erection, but he won't want to act on it unless he's "in the mood." Seriously, he'll roll over with his erection and fall asleep. So it's not like I can seduce him by getting him hard and then hoping animal forces take over. He has to make the decision in his own mind to have sex before anything happens. When it does happen, about half as frequently as I would like it to, his focus is almost completely on me. His favorite part of me to look at when we're having sex is my face. My facial expressions and reactions turn him on more than anything. If he closes his eyes, I know it's not because he's thinking of another woman but because he can't look at me any longer without climaxing and he wants it to last longer for me. I've offered sexual favors most men long for: oral, anal, watch me masturbate, oral in the car. Anything to get him in the mood. But there is nothing I can do. He has to be in the mood first and even then he's mostly so concerned about my pleasure that he denies himself. I live for those times when he lets himself go and forgets about my pleasure for a moment because he's all caught up in his own, although he usually apologizes afterwards for being selfish. I tell him he's not selfish. I tell him nothing turns me on more than him getting off on me. He must not believe me. Some girl must have made sex a big chore for him long ago and he just can't get past it. I don't know. But I love him. And slowly but surely it gets better. Slowly but surely.

I know that if a person is an extreme user of porn ....they can get to a point in which they no longer want to have sex with their partners. A year ago there was a poster named Freisian whose husband had an addiction to porn. His addiction was very serious and it became so bad at one point that sex no longer happened between the two of them. I don't know if it is because all his energy was spent with masterbating to porn all day....or if the porn had desencized him to real sex.  With counseling and the elimation of the porn....this was reversed and their sex lives improved greatly. Don't know if this will help....but thought I would talk about it a little bit. Where the heck are you Freisian Girl?
 
July 26, 2005, 4:31 pm CDT

okay I am logged in

Quote From: DrPhilBoard1

You can increase the font size by editing "My Profile", it's towards the bottom after you click to edit. Note: The font will only appear larger when you're logged in.
and I edited my font size on "my profile" and things are still too  tiny for my eyes!!!!
 
July 26, 2005, 5:00 pm CDT

Darcy

Quote From: darcylove

I know that if a person is an extreme user of porn ....they can get to a point in which they no longer want to have sex with their partners. A year ago there was a poster named Freisian whose husband had an addiction to porn. His addiction was very serious and it became so bad at one point that sex no longer happened between the two of them. I don't know if it is because all his energy was spent with masterbating to porn all day....or if the porn had desencized him to real sex. With counseling and the elimation of the porn....this was reversed and their sex lives improved greatly. Don't know if this will help....but thought I would talk about it a little bit. Where the heck are you Freisian Girl?
My husband hasn't looked at porn in over two years and even when he used to look at it it was seldom and not for masturbatory purposes. I think I've written about all of this before several times, but we've been away from the board for a while and, besides, it's hard to keep up with personal stories. My purpose for coming here was never because my husband was addicted to pornography or because he refused to stop looking at it once I asked him not to. He gave it up easily as soon as I told him it bothered me. It bothers me more and more these days because of the damage I see pornography causing us on the cultural level and because I'm raising two girls who I fear will not escape the dangers of our porn-obsessed culture.
 
July 26, 2005, 5:11 pm CDT

How Porn Has Affected Our Relationship

Quote From: sandman4u

Have you noticed that the Backspace key does NOT work on the above Message Title bar? Damn, my irish, scottish temper is beginning to flare lol..... in any case...

You say that most of the men who look at porn are less than good lovers....tell me this: what if there were some men that were very good lovers who also used porn? And what does that have to do with anything?I'll put it this way: When we watch porn and get aroused, we're watching the beautiful women in the porn vid doing things either witha man (or with a woman woohoo) thatWE want to do WITH OUR WIVES the next time they seem willing to have such an encounter! I fiind what I'm getting aroused by is not only because the women are beautiful, but also because Ianticipate being with my wife in this way! And wondering howshe'll look on top of me, with her leg on my shoulder, etc and all theawesome things that go along with that. I wish women would understand this!!! Is there a star somewhere for me to wish upon lol???

I am a 37 y.o. woman and been married for eight years to my husband who is an excellent,  giving lover and also loves  porn.  I have shared this habit WITH him,  and  by myself as well.  I understand that his sex drive is higher than mine and am ok with him "taking care of himself" with magazines and movies while I am not around.  We share hot fantasies in private and have hade a great sex life and marriage. I feel that we are extremily tight,  share something special,  and he tells me so as well.  However,  lately he has developed an OBSESSION with an on-line lingerie model;  he spends hours on her web site,  has sent her very thoughtful presents (made a music CD with romantic,  funny,  sexy songs;  bought lingerie) for her and has taken contact via e-mail,  web cam and phone.  Meanwhile,  he did not have time to buy me a birthday card..  which I happily excepted since he IS a hard working guy.  I am an attractive woman and feel good about myself.  I am PISSED at him and asked him to stop which he has promised to do but not followed thru.  All I am asking is him to quit this particular web-site,  I still feel that mags, movies,  sex toys and fantasies are fine, I ENJOY them as well!!  Am I being unreasonable and insecure?  I don't think so but I'd love to hear your opinion as a man!!!!
 
July 26, 2005, 6:06 pm CDT

sorry

Quote From: lilacmess

My husband hasn't looked at porn in over two years and even when he used to look at it it was seldom and not for masturbatory purposes. I think I've written about all of this before several times, but we've been away from the board for a while and, besides, it's hard to keep up with personal stories. My purpose for coming here was never because my husband was addicted to pornography or because he refused to stop looking at it once I asked him not to. He gave it up easily as soon as I told him it bothered me. It bothers me more and more these days because of the damage I see pornography causing us on the cultural level and because I'm raising two girls who I fear will not escape the dangers of our porn-obsessed culture.
i don't have a very bad memory....I agree....pornography has many dangers and our culture I think will be very much affected by it. Sad to say....but I don't think we have seen the worst of it.
 
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