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Topic : Pornography

Number of Replies: 27679
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:18:48 pm
Author : dataimport

Good or bad, does porn play a part in your life? Talk about it here.


For support, please visit the How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship message board.

 

Please note: While a mature discussion about pornography is the purpose of this board, any posts that are attacking towards another poster, or are too graphic in nature, will be removed at the moderators' discretion.



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July 27, 2005, 6:36 am CDT

Okay what's the point.

I sign on, write a post, go to post it and the board wants me to sign on again and then the post is lost so I have to re-write the post so the cycle can start all over again.

I'll be back when it is posted by the powers that be say this all has been corrected.

Nice idea aboutthis new format. It just doesn't work.
 
July 27, 2005, 6:38 am CDT

seeing as this like some posts make it

Quote From: allinall

I sign on, write a post, go to post it and the board wants me to sign on again and then the post is lost so I have to re-write the post so the cycle can start all over again.

I'll be back when it is posted by the powers that be say this all has been corrected.

Nice idea aboutthis new format. It just doesn't work.
it must mean that only posts that take a short time to write make it. 
 
July 27, 2005, 7:31 am CDT

i find

Quote From: allinall

it must mean that only posts that take a short time to write make it.
that if you sign on first before you post, it doesn't disappear...(I think.....got my fingers crossed).
 
July 27, 2005, 7:46 am CDT

sandman (god i hate this backspace problem)

(NOTE TO THE PEOPLE WHO MADE THIS NEW MESSAGE BOARD...>THE BACKSPACE BUTTON DOESN"T WORK ON THE MESSAGE TITLE!  EEEERRR)

 

Okay....sandman.....I was thinking about something last night that I want to ask you. If I remember right......your wife doesn't have sex with you very often and that is why you seek porn. Now I know in the past I have said that if a women is not wanting to have sex.....there has to be something wrong because just like men....most women want sex.

 

Now ....Lilli posted that her husband is not interested in sex.....and you think something is totally not logical with that....especially since she is wanting sex with him. Well it works the same way with women.....if she doesn't want sex.....there is something wrong. I believe that it could be a number of things....such as 1. her internal language is telling her something is wrong with sex. 2. something hurts when she has sex 3. the person giving her the sex isn't taking care of her needs thus it isn't good for her. 4. she is suffering from depression 5. she is angry about something when it comes to the sex

 

I want you to know that just like a man not wanting sex is not normal....it is not normal for a women to not want sex. Either way....a person needs to find the reason behind the problem.

 
July 27, 2005, 8:20 am CDT

A Longer Version

I posted one message yesterday, and was directed here to tell my story. 

I have been married just over two years, and my husband's porn addiction didn't become apparent to me till about a year ago. At first, it was just the one video I found. But, back then, we were still having great sex. Now.. there's several more videos ( which I'll describe in a minute cause it's kinda disturbing to me what they contain )  several toys that I never knew he had and Lord knows he never used them on me.. so that to me is also a touch disturbing and a few more items as well. Now... there's no sex at all. I seem to recall a show Dr. Phil did a while back, and his words stick in my head till this day. He said that men are turned on by what they see, and women are turned on by what they hear.  And lemme tell ya... I don't think there's too many women out there who REALLY wanna hear... Come here and gimme some head.  Ya honey.. that does it for me.. let's go..  NOT.

Since his porn thing has become so huge for him and there's been no sex, sadly, I have to admit that I went outside the marriage, and for 2 days, I had really great sex that I could actually participate in.. let me explain this... Some days he will come home from work and after dinner he'll actually tell me to go to bed cause he feels 'funky' Great.. ya.. I'll go to sleep now....not.

But the videos that disturb me contain ...  mostly... men with men.  Aren't those videos for women ?  I mean really.... if men are going to watch porn, shouldn't it be women with the occasional  man ?  I mean.. the last video I found was Grandpa's Going Bi.  I just about had a heart attack. So.. do I feel guilty about having an affair ? No, I don't.  And, nor do I understand what to do about this.

I used to be a very romantic woman... rose petals on the bed... perfume on the pillows... finger food in bed.. candles... soft music.. sexy lingerie... but DAMN !!!  I find the videos and OH HELL NO....

Another problem is, when I found the first video, I watched it with him... so now, he thinks it's perfectly acceptable to watch it without me.. and he does.... alot.  I haven't had another affair, though the man I was with wants to resume it. Sometimes it's very tempting, but I'd rather try to find a solution... I'm only 38... I want a husband who wants me.. not a damn video. He used to want me, now I don't know what to do.

I should have gone to Dr. Phil.

Anyhow, sorry this was so long, but there's a few more things in this post than the last, and now that's it's ALL out.. I feel much better.  Thanks for listening, and hey... are there any suggestions out there ?

<Emm>

 
July 27, 2005, 8:25 am CDT

Touche

You have a valid point!  In my case however, she has told me why she doesn't like having sex nearly as often as I do.  She enjoys it when we have it - it's just that she's more into other things in her life right now (our daughter, family, friends, clubs she's joined, redecorating the house, etc.).  I don't completely understand why (with the exception of our daughter) any of these things have precedence over our marital relations, but I have known her for a long time and this is just the way that she is.  I think Lilac's husband's low sex drive is much more serious than my wife's because, as history has shown - men are the more dominant species as far as pursuing the opposite sex relentlessly for sexual relations. Some women are this way also, but, the majority of people who are ALWAYS in the mood for sex are men.   

 
July 27, 2005, 8:40 am CDT

Emmdavis

Your husband's actions (no sexual relations with you) and online activities indicate (to me anyway) that he is either getting curious about homosexuality or is possibly bi-sexual.  There is no therapy that is going to alter his inclinations which appear to be that of men being with men.  As he is married to you (a woman) - carrying on in this fashion is not only hurtful to you, but also destructive for the marriage.  If I were you, I would sit his ass down and ask him straight out what his sexual orientation is and if he answers with something you don't want to hear - then from that point you'll have to decide if you want to stay married to a man that wants to have sex (and fantasizes about it) with other men.  Good luck.   

 
July 27, 2005, 8:59 am CDT

see that is where you are wrong

Quote From: sandman4u

You have a valid point! In my case however, she has told me why she doesn't like having sex nearly as often as I do. She enjoys it when we have it - it's just that she's more into other things in her life right now (our daughter, family, friends, clubs she's joined, redecorating the house, etc.). I don't completely understand why (with the exception of our daughter) any of these things have precedence over our marital relations, but I have known her for a long time and this is just the way that she is. I think Lilac's husband's low sex drive is much more serious than my wife's because, as history has shown - men are the more dominant species as far as pursuing the opposite sexrelentlessly for sexual relations. Some women are this wayalso, but, the majority of people who are ALWAYS in the mood for sexaremen.

Women are sexual and often as sexual as men. I believe women don't express this as much as guys because if they do.....people look down upon them and give them names of hore and such. When we are with someone we care about and love.....sex is fabulous. Sex is about expressing our love for them....and it feels good.

 

How often is it that you are wanting your wife to have sex and put aside all those other responsibilities? Maybe what it is you want.....is like living in some fantasy world. Do I believe that this justifies you going out and using porn because she doesn't want to haves sex with you as much as you would like....HELL NO! I think it is selfish and I think it is immature. I think it is not honoring your wife.

 

I wonder....did you watch Phil yesterday? Did you listen to anything he had to say? Did you hear him talk about the women that are in porn are someone's daughter? Does that not matter to you? Does it not matter to you that these young ladies have taken a terrible wrong step in their lives? I bet....you wouldn't want this type of life for your daughter.....and I bet you would believe that if she did porn....you would think it is a terrible wrong step. I also bet that if some young man spoke of your daughter the way you talk (like you did about jessica simpson yesterday) you would want to take that guy aside and set him straight. YOu want your daughter to be respected....but yet you don't respect other people's daughters. I think my daughters are very beautiful young ladies (they are 19 and 17) but if any man talked about them the way you talk about women....I guarentee my husband would knock their heads off!

 

You fund these companies that have pulled these young ladies into their sick society. You fund this!!!! Your money goes to support this type of life.....with no regard to how wrong these young women's lives have gone.  I find that very wrong and very sad. As a parent I believe you should be a role model. And funding porn is not a very good role model. Try to find answers to you problem....heck go masterbate to the thoughts of the wife you desire....the results are the same!!!!!!

 
July 27, 2005, 10:16 am CDT

darcy

I feel that I need to set something straight because I know all too well how people read a few posts on this board and then think they know the whole picture surrounding a person. For example, anyone who reads your one post below (or above, or underneath, or inside, or wherever  it is . . . can't make sense of this board), the post that refers to me, will get the impression that my husband dislikes sex and never wants to have it with me. This is not true and I have never said that it is. His sex drive is lower than mine, yes. He wants to have sex about half as often as I do, which translates for us into us having sex about once a week. Hardly a sexless marriage. Trust me, the people who complain on the Differing Sex Drives board about no sex really mean it (they go months and sometimes years without it). I can live with once a week. I've done a lot of complaining in the past and certainly I've taken it all very personally, but ultimately I realized that that wasn't doing either of us any good. My complaining didn't make him suddenly want to have more sex (it did the opposite, actually) and my taking it all personally and doubting my attractiveness just made me feel like poo. So I don't do that anymore and I don't allow my sexual urges to be the focus of my life anymore. We had sex just last night, for example. And it wasn't because I came on to him, although I was in the mood and easily could have done so. He approached me completely on his own because I hadn't placed any pressure on him one way or the other. Now, he'll probably be in the mood again in about a week. Me, I'll want to again in a couple days, but I'll probably just keep quiet about it and sit on that feeling until he's ready to make use of it. It's not perfect, no, but it works for us. I could spend all my time obsessing over why he's the way he is, but that would just be a waste of MY time. Honestly, I think my time would be better spent trying to figure out why he always leaves his socks on the living room floor.  
 
July 27, 2005, 10:39 am CDT

emm

Quote From: emmdavis

I posted one message yesterday, and was directed here to tell my story. 

I have been married just over two years, and my husband's porn addiction didn't become apparent to me till about a year ago. At first, it was just the one video I found. But, back then, we were still having great sex. Now.. there's several more videos ( which I'll describe in a minute cause it's kinda disturbing to me what they contain )  several toys that I never knew he had and Lord knows he never used them on me.. so that to me is also a touch disturbing and a few more items as well. Now... there's no sex at all. I seem to recall a show Dr. Phil did a while back, and his words stick in my head till this day. He said that men are turned on by what they see, and women are turned on by what they hear.  And lemme tell ya... I don't think there's too many women out there who REALLY wanna hear... Come here and gimme some head.  Ya honey.. that does it for me.. let's go..  NOT.

Since his porn thing has become so huge for him and there's been no sex, sadly, I have to admit that I went outside the marriage, and for 2 days, I had really great sex that I could actually participate in.. let me explain this... Some days he will come home from work and after dinner he'll actually tell me to go to bed cause he feels 'funky' Great.. ya.. I'll go to sleep now....not.

But the videos that disturb me contain ...  mostly... men with men.  Aren't those videos for women ?  I mean really.... if men are going to watch porn, shouldn't it be women with the occasional  man ?  I mean.. the last video I found was Grandpa's Going Bi.  I just about had a heart attack. So.. do I feel guilty about having an affair ? No, I don't.  And, nor do I understand what to do about this.

I used to be a very romantic woman... rose petals on the bed... perfume on the pillows... finger food in bed.. candles... soft music.. sexy lingerie... but DAMN !!!  I find the videos and OH HELL NO....

Another problem is, when I found the first video, I watched it with him... so now, he thinks it's perfectly acceptable to watch it without me.. and he does.... alot.  I haven't had another affair, though the man I was with wants to resume it. Sometimes it's very tempting, but I'd rather try to find a solution... I'm only 38... I want a husband who wants me.. not a damn video. He used to want me, now I don't know what to do.

I should have gone to Dr. Phil.

Anyhow, sorry this was so long, but there's a few more things in this post than the last, and now that's it's ALL out.. I feel much better.  Thanks for listening, and hey... are there any suggestions out there ?

<Emm>

Welcome to the board. Sorry, but he sounds gay to me. My husband can't even stand to watch Queer as Folk or certain scenes in Six Feet Under because of the gay sex. No way would he ever look at gay porn. But does it really matter? Gay, bi, just severely screwed-up? Whatever he is, he isn't for you. I say stop wasting your precious life with this man. Move on and maybe call up the other guy while you're at it.

 
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