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Topic : Pornography

Number of Replies: 27679
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:18:48 pm
Author : dataimport

Good or bad, does porn play a part in your life? Talk about it here.


For support, please visit the How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship message board.

 

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December 28, 2008, 5:36 am CST

internet porn

My husband wants internet porn and not me.....I have tried to talk to him but it has done no good....we have been married 3 1/2 years....apparently it has been going on since the beginning of our marriage...don't know what to do.....should I leave?
 
December 29, 2008, 9:17 am CST

Do you have children?

Quote From: topcat05

My husband wants internet porn and not me.....I have tried to talk to him but it has done no good....we have been married 3 1/2 years....apparently it has been going on since the beginning of our marriage...don't know what to do.....should I leave?
If not, don't. I will write more after I get your answer. Kimi
 
January 13, 2009, 10:27 pm CST

Pornography

Quote From: kimikomine

If not, don't. I will write more after I get your answer. Kimi
how long did you stay with your husband before leaving him?  Was it worth it? from the little she said, why in the world do you think she should stay with him if she doesn't have kids.  You know what, it shouldn't matter either way, if she is unhappy and doesn't want her man to view porn, heck just the fact that he neglects her feelings should be enough to leave him.  Not everyone wants to stay stuck in an unhappy marriage out of a sense of obligation.  In my opinion, you wasted years of your life staying in that marriage for absolutely nothing.
 
January 14, 2009, 3:08 am CST

Yes. I absolutely did.

Quote From: turkalurk

how long did you stay with your husband before leaving him?  Was it worth it? from the little she said, why in the world do you think she should stay with him if she doesn't have kids.  You know what, it shouldn't matter either way, if she is unhappy and doesn't want her man to view porn, heck just the fact that he neglects her feelings should be enough to leave him.  Not everyone wants to stay stuck in an unhappy marriage out of a sense of obligation.  In my opinion, you wasted years of your life staying in that marriage for absolutely nothing.

I not only wasted my years, but his, and that of others by staying. My actions, like all our actions, effect everyone.  I stayed with my husband a total of 7 years before leaving him. I should have left 2 months after the marriage but wanted to learn compromise, compassion and love and understanding not just for me, but for him. My staying was with good intent yet obviously my intentions were lies because I stayed not to learn compassion for him, but to learn compassion for myself. So I don't think those 7 years were a complete wash. As long as we can learn from our experiences to become better people then the time is not wasted at all.

 

I say if she has children to stay because because if her relationship with her husband is not healthy, her decision to leave would have to reflect what are the needs of the young ones first. The ones that are not able to make the decision for themselves, take care of themselves. If her decsion to leave him leaves her in the gutter, then she drags her kids with her.

 

What makes us stay in situations that are not productive or healthy? Fear. Fear that we are being unrealistic, or not worthy of better or just laziness.  What makes a person leave a non productive or unhealthy relationship? Facing our fears, honoring our dreams and visions, being a productive person for ourselves and others, and action based on truth and love and compassion for all human beings. A very difficult task for many.

 

But it is in the task of trying that makes us better people and more content with our humaness.  When we can honor ourselves like we would honor a god, and when we can sit with the beggars and desolate and disturbed, on equal levels, without disturbance, and when we get disturbance, such as porn, drugs, war, abuse, we can then, and only then, make decsions that are ultimately the best.

 
January 26, 2009, 2:15 pm CST

Pornography

Hi everyone, I am new to all of this. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 yrs. In the beginning of our relationship he had cheated on me. I was able to understand b/c there was alot of baggage with the person he cheated on me with. Also in the begining of our relationship I found that he was hiding porn magazines from me. I got really hurt and mad and made him get rid of them all. All that occured before we were ever married and things have been fine since then. Recently though I found another stash he has hidden from me. He has one stash of two dvds that he always said were for both of us to watch together but then I found that he had hidden somewhere else about 20 magazines, 2 tapes and 3 DVDs. This is very hurtful b/c it makes me feel like I am not enough for him. I don't look at magazines or wetapes or dvds or websites or whatever. My husband has always been enough for me and I've had no desire to look elsewhere. This is very hurtful and I just dont know how to handle it. Does anyone who has been through this have any ideas? I've thought about approaching him of the issue but it didn't work before so why would it work now....
 
February 12, 2009, 3:20 pm CST

fiance looking at porn & calling chat lines

My fiance has been calling chat lines & looking at porn. He has a Iphone and I checked the history of internet use and there was porn..I also checked his call log and he called chat lines & even charged some stuff on his credit card. He swears he didnt talk to anyone on the chat lines but that is hard to believe because he was on them for 30 - 45 minutes several times in one day. I hate this ...we have been together for 3 years and have a 2 year old son. I really dont have anywhere to go , I am a stay at home mom..so I have no money just a car. He woke me up this morning at 1 am for sex ..and I found the porn on his phone before he left for work. so he looked at it then wanted sex from me. I already think he doesnt want me sometimes but this really makes it worse..what is a girl to do?
 
March 17, 2009, 6:47 am CDT

Husband's addiction way out of control

Hello - I am new to this board and looking for some neutral advice, suggestions, etc.  I'm 48 and my husband is 45 and we've been married 4 years (we both had previous marriages).  Before we were married, I found porn stuff from him on the computer (only one time) and we talked about it and he fessed up and stopped it - which should have been a huge red flag for me right there.  Well, not even 6 months to a year into the marriage we were arguing about it again, and I continued to find more.  To make a long story short here, our sex life has never been really 'great' and it has dwindled down to about twice a month.  I have a program installed on my computer as well as the laptop which reveals everything to me.  It is downright sickening.  He spends countless hours during work online chatting, exchanging emails and pics, and has at least 5-8 different profiles out there that he uses to disguise himself - mostly posing as "me" doing all sorts of sex acts, teasing, cheating, you name it.  His main addiction is interracial sex and his porn world evolves around that and the sites that offer such material.  I'm not opposed to watching the occasional porn film - together that is - when it's in a healthy relationship, but this is not healthy!  I've never felt so degraded in my life and although I love him, I resent what he's doing and each day I lose more respect for him.  I will never trust him again, no matter what. 

 

So, if I confront him again, ultimatums only work for a little while.  It seems like a useless trap.  I also know I could destroy him with the information I have - he could lose his job and/or I could press charges.  The downside is that we'd lose our house/hobby farm and everything else we have. 

 
March 22, 2009, 5:25 am CDT

kimmi, kimmi, kimmi

Quote From: kimikomine

I not only wasted my years, but his, and that of others by staying. My actions, like all our actions, effect everyone.  I stayed with my husband a total of 7 years before leaving him. I should have left 2 months after the marriage but wanted to learn compromise, compassion and love and understanding not just for me, but for him. My staying was with good intent yet obviously my intentions were lies because I stayed not to learn compassion for him, but to learn compassion for myself. So I don't think those 7 years were a complete wash. As long as we can learn from our experiences to become better people then the time is not wasted at all.

 

I say if she has children to stay because because if her relationship with her husband is not healthy, her decision to leave would have to reflect what are the needs of the young ones first. The ones that are not able to make the decision for themselves, take care of themselves. If her decsion to leave him leaves her in the gutter, then she drags her kids with her.

 

What makes us stay in situations that are not productive or healthy? Fear. Fear that we are being unrealistic, or not worthy of better or just laziness.  What makes a person leave a non productive or unhealthy relationship? Facing our fears, honoring our dreams and visions, being a productive person for ourselves and others, and action based on truth and love and compassion for all human beings. A very difficult task for many.

 

But it is in the task of trying that makes us better people and more content with our humaness.  When we can honor ourselves like we would honor a god, and when we can sit with the beggars and desolate and disturbed, on equal levels, without disturbance, and when we get disturbance, such as porn, drugs, war, abuse, we can then, and only then, make decsions that are ultimately the best.

how are you my dear friend?  we moved into a new house thinking that all our problems would desolve now we on our own but. . . .  he is still way to used to being in front of his pc, he now owns a lil collection of porn, but luckily only watches it now and then. Our personal life is quit good our relationship is doing good to. the kids are blooming now in the new area, school and home. so basically things are fine just looking for a job! I am doing my learners driving test on the 8th april and hope to get my licence soon after. and then I can start driving around looking for a job. how are things there by you?

I miss you guys! I have internet at home now but its a normal 56k modem so very very sloooooow. I tried to log in the other day but it just wouldn't I'll try again this week!

 
March 22, 2009, 6:03 am CDT

to all of you new comers to the board:

I feel with you! if you all read each others posts you'll see your stories arent much diffrent! so too is mine, Kimmi's and so many other women out there! I hope all of you find this board as comforting and helpfullas I did! I came here about 5 years ago, with a story so simmilar to all of yours! my husband is a Porn addict! He admits it and tries very very hard to not look at it that much any more! but our storie is one of very violent fights and allot of degrading humiliating things that happend between us! so often he would rather watch porn then touch me or otherwise only touch me after watching porn! I did every thing to try and distract his mind from the porn, believe me every thing even stripping for him etc. I spoke to numerous men on the proporn board here, and even got to believing the whole thing was my fault! but now I want all of you girls(women) here to know ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. theres nothing you could do for him to NOt look at porn. they get addicted before most of us even meet them , because its not a drug, they think its safe but some how it changes them , it changes the way they look at us, they way they touch us and the way they love us! YOU CANNOT CHANGE THEM!  YOU CANNOT FIX THIS, THEY NEED TO REALIZE THTA THEY HAVE A PROBLEM AND GO FOR HELP! PLEASE DON'T BLAME YOUR SELVES i KNOW THAT THIS BREAKS DOWN YOUR SELFESTEAM , BELIEVE ME I KNOW. this takes time! It took me to leave him for a whole weekend before he realized that I was serious about it before he realize that I could not live like that any more! he is an addict, i can't change that but he tries very hard every day!  its sad to see somany women hurting the way I did (and some times still do) but all I can do now is take it one day at a time and hope he doesn't get so bad again! kimmi and all the old folk here know what I have been thtough as I know what she has! its noteasy, and to all of you if you arent married to the men leave! leave NOW and don't come back! for those that are married without kids, seperate and see how things go! for those with kids: do you really want your kids raised with that? even then its better to try to leave! tell him you will leave if the porn doesnt go or if you don't go for help!

years ago there was a man on the porn board nicknamed Jeff. . . jeff and i had allot of conversations, he thought his wife didn't mind his porn use, and also believed that she supported him. then she left and jeff fell to pieces! Jeff started to realy listen to what we were saying. he finaly started realising how his usage made her feel, and he started to change! it was a heart renching situation! he did every thing he could! last I heard they were trying to work things out! for allot of us there is an happy ending! you just have to keep on hoping and praying! I wish you all the luck in the world , and will try to come online soon so that if there is any thing that you would like to ask or say ! please feel free my life is an open book!

God bless you all!

Love

Joline

 
March 22, 2009, 9:19 am CDT

Hi joline

Quote From: joline

how are you my dear friend?  we moved into a new house thinking that all our problems would desolve now we on our own but. . . .  he is still way to used to being in front of his pc, he now owns a lil collection of porn, but luckily only watches it now and then. Our personal life is quit good our relationship is doing good to. the kids are blooming now in the new area, school and home. so basically things are fine just looking for a job! I am doing my learners driving test on the 8th april and hope to get my licence soon after. and then I can start driving around looking for a job. how are things there by you?

I miss you guys! I have internet at home now but its a normal 56k modem so very very sloooooow. I tried to log in the other day but it just wouldn't I'll try again this week!

things are going quite well. I love my new apt. and am getting used to being single again....i mean really single. i was single in my marriage, now i am spritually and physically single. :)  i am glad to hear you are working things out at home and yes, they take time. as long as he is trying, there is hope.

 

good luck with your driving. remember to open the window and put your hand out! :))))) to signal.

 

stay well and hope to see you here again soon. I hope that we can encourage those that are in messes with this crap. its really stupid, if you think about it. but it is a problem for many because they are brainwashed to believe that it will bring them happiness and satisfaction. the only thing it satisfies is the ego that wants them to be miserable. 

 

Kimi

 
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