Hi! Have you tried going to the "How Porn has hurt our relationship" site? I'm new to these message boards, but Kimi has been helpful.
Do you know what your husband's best friend's reaction was? It might help to get his perspective. I'm sure it had to be disturbing. Maybe he confided in his friend because he knows he needs help, but doesn't know how to reach out to you. At least he acknowledges he feels like a pervert. Most of our husbands think it isn't a big deal and we need to get over it. "Men our visual creatures, we all do it, it's totally normal." Since he admitted to his friend he feels like a pervert, I think you have hope.
I'm not sure how you should confront him, but I don't think you should go in guns blazing. I do think you should confront him. I don't see how you can get around this without communicating with him. I've had to make an effort every time I talk to my husband to try and remain calm, not take his blame, and be strong. Perhaps you could find a counselor, so when you talk to your husband you have a course of action. My husband was out of town for a week, and I had plenty of time to think. When I presented the option of counseling he initially rejected it, but I went into the conversation knowing that he would probably do that at first (so I didn't get angry). When I presented it again he started to reluctantly warm up to it. He said, "you have had more time to think about this." Keep that in mind. Your husband doesn't even know that you know about it. You'll have time to think things through a bit, so don't be disappointed if his initial reaction isn't what you may have hoped. But there is hope. I think you need to at least hear what he has to say, and then go from there. I know you're hurting. I know the hurt. I've walked around the past couple weeks with a constant ache in my heart and stomach. The sadness is unreal.
I have a sick feeling every time I leave the house, go to bed, or when he travels. I'm assuming that he is mb to it. Don't they have anything better to do with their time? Don't they have work to do? kids to watch? wouldn't it be nice if he put down his laptop and did some yard work??????? He's got it so easy! I've been such a good wife to him, and this is the thanks I get. Yeah, we need counseling. I can't talk to him anymore about it because I feel like we don't get anywhere. So, if you don't get anywhere with your conversation with him you might want to have that in your back pocket. I'm not saying that he will, but he may lie to you about it. Seems to me that you have the proof though, but he may say he will stop. I don't want you to find yourself in my position. My husband said he would stop years ago. I believed him, duh! Here I am years later in the same position. He knew that I would eventually cave on the counseling, but not this time. You may want to look into it regardless of the promises he makes. I think when it's an addiction (he doesn't think it is, it's normal) it becomes bigger than what they and we can fix on our own. Oh what the heck do I know, I'm going through the same thing. I'll pray for all of you going through this! I read a previous message from someone who wrote that it is like the devil has found a way into our homes and to wreck marriages and families.
