Topic : Pornography

 in the way I know how to answer. I can not give you the answer the way you want it done.

I'm sure you won't believe it but a man does not see his masterbatory activities as a means to stay single. I do not know your particular situation well enough to give the answer you are looking for. And if I were to try and cover all possible bases it would take far more effort to publish than I even want to take.

If what you have said here were to be solely accurate, that you are and have been open and available to his sexuality the way it is, not just the way you believe it should be, then he has a problem with the commitment you desire. But I don't know that to be fact. Only you can answer to if you have been entwined in his sexuality and not just your own aspects of what his sexuality toward you should be. Being there on your terms only.

You and the majority of other women keep insisting that a man's porn use is cheating with another woman or women. No matter how many times men say it is not at all the women, it is the sexuality depicted, the men are not believed. So how is a man supposed to say what is truely the case when he is just not going to be believed. I'm telling you that, in the vast majority of cases, the man is not seeing it the same way you are. He is involved with the sexuality, not the people.

Perhaps it would be useful to ask the women who partake in "using" porn if in fact they would rather have the men in the porn with them rather than the man they have with them.

You're looking for exact answers I just can not give you. Not all situations are alike. There are men who would rather be with the women in the porn. I just believe they would prefer the women in their life would as sexual as is depicted in the porn.

You wrote "I just believe they would prefer the women in their life would as sexual as is depicted in the porn." 

  

In all the years I have been married to my husband....not once has he ever said or shared with me that his porn usage was about wishing I would be more sexual like as it is depicted in porn. For most men...porn has nothing to do with what a man is getting or not getting from his wife/girlfriend. It is usually something much more simple than that. It is sex. That's it. just sex that they want to view because they find it exciting. It has nothing to do with how exciting or how unexciting a wife may be. It is just sex that they seek in any form.  

 

in EVERY single post!  and Your sarcasm towards his concept of consequence didn't offend me.  It offended HIM. Which in turn embodies the spirit and obligation in ME to POINT THAT OUT to YOU, so YOU know.  We all know that you take the "devices" (?) God has given you and you live it. No one is disputing that.  But even Luvmi agrees with me on this when I say that inasmuch as the discussion of God, "preachy" subjects, "preachy" quotes of scripture and "preachy" posts about how turning AWAY from SIN (pornography) will allow a person to have Salvation irks you and makes you feel uncomfortable, you yourself admitted that you know that God DOES have a ALOT to do with this porn issue.  Not everyone on this board (me included) can or will discuss God or Religion on only YOUR terms and using only limited words, scriptures and beliefs that YOU deem appropriate, necessary and within your guidelines and comfort zone!  I am not worried in the least whether YOUR soul is saved or not.  That is for HIM to decide. My works on this earth is one of a Divine Messenger of His Truth, His Love, His Glory & Mercy and His Word. Plain and simple. and The fact that you don't attend church OR study His Word shows how much in the dark you really are about where HE fits into all of this!  I'm NOT "preaching" to you when I say this. It's simply the truth! The transformation that has taken place within me in the past two weeks is nothing short of a miracle.  and If I can lead just ONE person, one woman, to this PEACEFUL and WONDERFUL place which will have Christ dwelling within her and TAKE AWAY her SUFFERINGS and BURDENS and to SHOW HER how sexual sin doesn't have to infiltrate her life, her marriage, her children, her family OR her soul- then, I WILL DO SO by continuing to post here as much as time permits me and as HE guides me to. Its wonderful to read that your soul is "intact" (?) and "doing fine". But if it really were, you wouldn't be getting so frustrated and bothered in your posts whenever God or Religion is mentioned. Momx03's posts about God CALLED OUT TO ME.  I've been reading this board for about a year now, and EVERY time religion was brought up, posts were getting deleted left and right, which discouraged me and saddened me at the same time.  But then....I noticed that there was a moment in time a few weeks ago where her posts WEREN'T getting deleted!!  They were actually being LEFT up for ALL to SEE!!  and What happened to me on that fated Sunday morning when I checked his cell phone for pornography...........going to my church and SURRENDING my BURDENS unto HIM........and then getting home later that day and coming back to this board to tell ALL OF YOU about how GOD TOUCHED ME and how HE CAN TOUCH THOSE OF YOU (whomever is having problems with their spouses currently using pornography) also and REPLACE YOUR HEAVY, SUFFERING HEART WITH PEACE.  GOD BLESS YOU DARCYLOVE and may YOU, YOUR HUSBAND & CHILDREN continue to receive His Blessings and may you look upon those who GLORIFY HIM and HIS TEACHINGS with inquisitiveness, interest or at least an amiable heart.

first of all my statement "We have heard all about sin and judging and everything else that may make us go straight to hell" was not made sarcastically or do I find it offensive to anyone....especially God. 

  

Secondly....when you write "The fact that you don't attend church OR study His Word shows how much in the dark you really are about where HE fits into all of this!" what you are doing is preaching to me!!!! I have plenty of religious leaders in my life and have had in my life from the day I was baptised. And as you ....I am a Christian who will find her own path in her own ways. THis board is not your platform for saving others....nor has it ever been a place to bible thump and condemn those who don't attend church on a regular basis. I have found peace....long ago...not 2 weeks ago because of some sermon. And my peace does not nor has it ever come at 'getting back at him' for his porn usage. My peace has come through forgiveness and through my own devices that God has granted me. 

  

If you want a platform to preach on.....I say go to church and preach there. Go to a board that have people who are looking for salvation. My life is not dark because I don't know the bible word for word. My life is not dark because I choose not to attend the Catholic church in our community. (which is the only church that in my community and leaves little other options). I pray daily....and I have a relationship with God that I just don't choose to make other have to have too. My relationship with God is personal....my own to have. I believe religion is a personal choice and a person need not be beat with 'His word" when you seem to believe they don't have enough God in their lives. Again my religion is  a very personal thing and I question why those that have to preach are hiding from or feel bad about. Those that preach so hard....I have found usually do so because of great shame they carry with them about something. 

  

 The peace you have found....should be found because you know that it is not up to your husband to give you peace. But it is in your hands. (thus a device that God has given you). 

"I'm sure you won't believe it but a man does not see his masterbatory activities as a means to stay single."  

 

"No matter how many times men say it is not at all the women, it is the sexuality depicted, the men are not believed. So how is a man supposed to say what is truely the case when he is just not going to be believed. I'm telling you that, in the vast majority of cases, the man is not seeing it the same way you are. He is involved with the sexuality, not the people." 

 

Let me touch upon these two points you have made. First of all, a man's "masturbatory activities" is something I believe to be PRIVATE; between himself, his hand and his genitals- PROVIDING that he does NOT turn OUTSIDE of the marriage by using PORNOGRAPHIC images (or other sexually explicit avenues or media) as opposed to using his own IMAGINATION or his WIFE'S assistance. The Bible CLEARLY and CONCISELY states that neither the husband nor the wife is to commit or participate in sexual sin!  This means sexual sins of ALL FORMS and CONTEXTS. What part of this Biblical statement do you not understand??? and Even if it weren't God's commandment, isn't it just common sense, decency, commitment, understanding and a given that when a man marries ONE woman, that he is to be committed to her SEXUALLY in ALL CONTEXTS and instances, or only those which he picks and chooses, while leaving her to weed through the rest??  

  

In other words, a man's private masturbatory life IS his own..........UNTIL he begins to commit sexual sin in the eyes of The Lord AND his WIFE by LUSTING and achieving SEXUAL AROUSAL watching other naked women involved in masturbation and sexual intercourse instead of using his imagination alone to achieve this state of frenzied sexual arousal and orgasm!  When he does this, then his masturbatory life is NO LONGER his OWN business. Now it becomes the business of his WIFE and GOD. 

  

Your second point being that men do not see porn in the same way that we do. That they watch it ONLY for the SEX DEPICTED IN IT, and NOTHING MORE. Are you fooling yourself, or trying to fool me lol??? How do you explain men who view naked women NOT engaging in ANY sexual activity at all? Not even masturbation? That these OTHER naked women are just posing, writhing about in a teasing sexually suggestive way or engaged in homosexual (not heterosexual) activity with other women???? How is it that you find your statement to be true, when, if a man wants to see a NAKED WOMAN engaged in SEXUAL INTERCOURSE or masturbation, then why not simply invoke THEIR WIVES to MASTURBATE in FRONT OF THEM while they are masturbating?? Or...why don't these husbands simply HAVE SEX WITH THEIR NAKED WIVES, THEREBY SATISFYING BOTH DESIRES at the SAME TIME? (SEEING A NAKED WOMAN engaged in SEXUAL ACTIVITY???) You and I both know the answer to this question. It's because men want to see a variety of OTHER NAKED WOMEN instead of their own wives!!! Tell me honestly AllinAll......am I on the right track here? Am I close?  Or is there ANOTHER REASON why MARRIED MEN choose to use pornography ONLY to see the SEX DEPICTED IN IT and NOT the OTHER NAKED WOMEN in it???  

 

having been here for a very long time....one gets to know the rules. for example....when allinall and I got into discussions and arguements relating to politics.....our post were quickly deleted and we were asked very politely to discuss "how porn has affected our relationship." And even when we defy the rules of the board...him and I both knew that talking politics was a forbidden discussion. now I could tie politics and porn into one category...not too difficult to do....but you and I both know that what I am really doing is skirting around the rules of this board....to use this place as my soapbox to support a political party. 

  

Now the same thing is being done day in and day out with religion on this board. The people using this board as their soapbox to preach are doing it and skirting around the rules of this board. And if Allinall and I can't discuss all his Bushisms and all my anti democratic party issues......then why is it that this board can become a place to preach and bible thump in every single post? And if that is what this board is to become....here is one poster that will move on to other boards that actually discuss the topic.  

  

Now if a board called "How do you allow God into your life?" I find nothing wrong with most of these post. But that isn't the title of this board. Maybe one with such  a title needs to be created. And while you are creating that title....maybe you could find the time to create the one many of us have asked for called "Has porn hurt your relationship...write about it here." 

 Every person is individual in what and why they do what they do. They have thier own reasons.

I will no longer try to give an inside opinion on why someone might do what they do.

and I am sorry if I have offended you in anyway. I agree that it has become more about religion then about the issuse we are all here to talk about, porn and it's affect on relationship. I relieze you and I have disagreed in the past but I think you have a really good point on this one. I once again do apoligize if I have offended you. Take Care darcy. 

  

Lovinglady 

The main purpose of this board is to share how Porn affects relationships both good and bad. While we understand that many of you may have religious views on this subject, we also need to stress that the intent of this topic is not to turn it into a religious debate.  We ask that you please discuss this topic in the manner it was intended.

so I take it that we can no longer discuss on this board anything pertaining to our beliefs about pornography....we can only express a past experience with pornography?  Is this correct?  Even if a person has religious based beliefs on this subject or how it has affected their personal relationship with their husband who is a christian or of any other religious based belief system? 

  

Please let me know if this is what this is about now?  I will gladly follow your rules...which have nothing about forbidding someones' beliefs on this subject...porn> but if that has changed I will gladly post accordingly to others on this subject without religious beliefs or thoughts.  Even if another brings it up.   

  

Luv~