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Topic : Pornography

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:18:48 pm
Author : dataimport

Good or bad, does porn play a part in your life? Talk about it here.


For support, please visit the How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship message board.

 

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mymewlife
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November 29, 2005, 8:11 pm PST

What about the children?

I'm new to the board and I have a very difficult question.  I need to know how often the addiction crosses the lines and puts young children in harm's way?  Its hard to believe my husband because he has been caught in too many lies. 
 
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luvmiman1
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November 29, 2005, 8:24 pm PST

Welcome....good question

Quote From: mymewlife

I'm new to the board and I have a very difficult question.  I need to know how often the addiction crosses the lines and puts young children in harm's way?  Its hard to believe my husband because he has been caught in too many lies. 

This might be something you would have to ask Dr. Phil directly...no one here is a professional on this particular question.... 

  

do you mean does this addiction become your childrens addiction.....I really don't know, although addiction is commonly in families...but with porn...I don't know if there have been any studies done on that.   

  

Putting a young child in harm's way?  Do you mean that you are afraid that your husband will act out or molest a child due to using porn....?  Highly unlikely unless he has a past or developing issue with child porn...and most men  I would say do not harm anyone physically 'because' of using porn....does he display some behavior that causes your concern for this?   

  

Porn use does not indicate that a man will sexually harm a child 

  

Porn use and the lies does not mean that he will do harm to a child...it just means he is a liar. 

  

If you feel he has an addiction go to websites SAA or COSA and read as much as you can about it...perhaps share it with him too.   

  

As far as "how often" does this harm children....that would take some serious research to find out and perhaps a counselor or therapy as a family would help with your concerns. 

  

Luv~ 
 
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vpsleeeve
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November 29, 2005, 8:57 pm PST

This does not make sense!

Quote From: sandman4u

Why is it that women always lay in bed and wait for men to approach them?  Have they ever heard of initiating sex with their husbands?  Ya know, men like to feel desired and wanted also!  And as Allinall stated, after a while, we get tired of doing all the initiating (whether we're shot down or not).  That's ANOTHER reason why we look at porn!  Because alot of the time it's the WOMEN that are approaching the men in these porn movies - and as any man knows, that is a really BIG TURN-ON.  Perhaps if these wives would chase their husband's around the house more often, they wouldn't have the desire to look at it as much.  Just my opinion.

 

p.s. ** Has anyone seen Jessica Simpson's new video??? "These Boots Are Made For Walking".... HOT DAMN!!  Almost better than any porn out there lol!  Damn you Jessie.... 

My husband spends half of his day at work and the other on the computer watching porn.  Oh and he tries to act like he is playing PlayStation.  He knows I will have sex with him antime, anywhere, and anyway and he still chooses to jack off to porn.......WHY?  His answer is "that is what guys do" and my answer id he has an addiction. 
 
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allinall
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November 29, 2005, 9:11 pm PST

Well

Quote From: vpsleeeve

My husband spends half of his day at work and the other on the computer watching porn.  Oh and he tries to act like he is playing PlayStation.  He knows I will have sex with him antime, anywhere, and anyway and he still chooses to jack off to porn.......WHY?  His answer is "that is what guys do" and my answer id he has an addiction. 

 your husband is wrong. It's not just a thing guys do and it's a lame excuse.

I don't know that he has an addiction. I would say he is habitual. There is no other reason when he has a wife who is as willing and available as you say you are, if you really are.

The next time he tells you it's just what guys do you can say it may be but it's not a good reaon for to.
 
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vpsleeeve
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November 29, 2005, 9:12 pm PST

God and Porn

Quote From: glorytogod

and It was as polite as could possibly be!  Let me repost it.  I can't remember verbatim what I posted to this moderator, but it went something like this: 

  

So am I to understand by this post that you're telling me that I can never EVER again post to Momx03, Luvmi, Figureitout and others about how the ABSENCE of God's Influence (and his intent and purpose for us as human beings and His disciples) and His Word in the hearts of men (and women) CORRELATES to how their use of pornography affects US, as WOMEN? Because if this is what you're telling me that I have to do, abstain from ever posting about God, then I guess if I want to continue posting here- then I have to obey this law. But how VERY sad this is.....this is exactly what I was talking about earlier.....about how schools, institutions, sporting events, court rooms, attractions and other venues are now removing God and His Word as though HE were a nuisance, an interruption, an afterthought, and a bother to so many on this board........NOW He is even being ousted and dismissed from this board as well........ 

  

Oh, the history of things to come............:(   

  

As the song goes: Un-shakeable.......In-credible........Awestruck We Fall To Our Knees As We Humbly Pro-claimmmm......You ARE AMAZINGGGG GOD!!!!!!!"  I can assure ALL of you that those who oppose and turn away from the Word of God and try to eliminate Him from their lives, businesses, chat applets, message boards and whatever else they deem fit to oust Him from....that very soon, they will no longer be able to dismiss Him from ANYTHING!!!!!  It is these people that I feel very sympathetic towards. As Jesus said to God on the day of his crucifixion, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.............."   

 

  

I am a first timer to this posting opinions and questions thing.  I came on this Dr Phil site to read about other woman and their problems with their husbands watching porn and how it is affecting their relationnships.  I did not log on to read bs about how god plays a role in the porn game.  To all reading this....talk about the question and stop talking about religion.  Save it for church or Sunday school.  My husband wacking off to porn has nothing to do with your faith in god.  Believe me when he's doing it I doubt god is even in his HEAD!  When he ids done, I can promise he is not praying for forgiveness.   

  
 
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vpsleeeve
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flirtatious
November 29, 2005, 9:16 pm PST

willing and ready

Quote From: allinall

 your husband is wrong. It's not just a thing guys do and it's a lame excuse.

I don't know that he has an addiction. I would say he is habitual. There is no other reason when he has a wife who is as willing and available as you say you are, if you really are.

The next time he tells you it's just what guys do you can say it may be but it's not a good reaon for to.
Trust me...he knows he can get it from me when he wants.  He chooses to wack off to porn.
 
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allinall
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November 29, 2005, 9:25 pm PST

I hear you

Quote From: vpsleeeve

Trust me...he knows he can get it from me when he wants.  He chooses to wack off to porn.
 I only said if you really are that way because I am just not in a position to know factually different. I still say he's using a lousy excuse. He should at least be honest with himself about this as well as being honest with you about it. Honesty is the only way you two can surmount this.

I agree that this porn stuff can be insidiously damaging.
 
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allinall
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November 29, 2005, 9:36 pm PST

I don't

Quote From: allinall

 I only said if you really are that way because I am just not in a position to know factually different. I still say he's using a lousy excuse. He should at least be honest with himself about this as well as being honest with you about it. Honesty is the only way you two can surmount this.

I agree that this porn stuff can be insidiously damaging.
 mean this as a literal question to answer me and I am in no way making any insinuations that this problem is in any way your "fault". That being said, have you ever "caught" him at this and gone around to where you can see what's on the monitor and said to him 'I would like to see what you are getting from this that you believe you can not get from me'?.

I know it's extremely difficult to get a handle on how to deal with this not knowing exactly what is in his head. Hopefully you can be persuasive enough for him to honestly open up to you about this. As hard as it may be, try not to take personally what may be a misconception in his mind...if he says something that may sound that way.
 
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allinall
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November 29, 2005, 9:38 pm PST

Sorry Vpsleeeve

Quote From: allinall

 mean this as a literal question to answer me and I am in no way making any insinuations that this problem is in any way your "fault". That being said, have you ever "caught" him at this and gone around to where you can see what's on the monitor and said to him 'I would like to see what you are getting from this that you believe you can not get from me'?.

I know it's extremely difficult to get a handle on how to deal with this not knowing exactly what is in his head. Hopefully you can be persuasive enough for him to honestly open up to you about this. As hard as it may be, try not to take personally what may be a misconception in his mind...if he says something that may sound that way.
 I meant this for you.
 
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joline
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November 29, 2005, 10:27 pm PST

Ok I get you on this one

Quote From: shemetls

Before I met my husband, I told God in my heart, "If you have someone for me bring him to me in your timing and make me to know in a way I can understand, because I won't be looking." You see, I knew I would choose someone who would abuse me. God took me at my word and brought me Lee a month later. I saw him for the first time while working at McDonalds. I didn't know it, but he had just been hired. I went home that night and said, "Mama I met my husband today." That was in January 1992. We began dating in February, got engaged in March, and got married December 12th. I felt something for him, but I don't know what. I just know that he IS the one God chose for me. It doesn't matter if I don't feel anything toward him. I want to, but there's just nothing. No one is going to convince me that you have to feel love to love someone. Love is a choice, and I am making it, one day at a time. My feelings are connected to me about anything but sex. There's no connection and no identity. My husband is a wonderful lover and I have no problem with orgasm, I just don't see the point. I can't see the value in it. I don't feel SUPER connected to my husband before, during, or after sex. It's just something ya do to stay married.

I understand what you are saying. but I don't feel that way about my H. god also gave him to me . gut thats where I think God caters for our individual needs . I need to love and be loved. I need to feel that connection to some one . I too asked God for my H at a very low point in my life and God send him to me . and yes besides his problem with porn . He is the perfect partner for me.he seems to know my every need  as I discover it and to him it is very important to fill all my needs( I'm talking about my H) non sexual and sexual . the only thing he won't give up is porn. as he sees it as all the others do . its a movie / picture it can't harm any one. he can't see the damage that its doing to me ! 

but hey, I really wanted to really help you but it seems my advice is invaluable to you. Sorry I couldn't help you more !!!   
 
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