Topic : Pornography

If, lets say the wife is using porn and the husband doesnt want her too, how is that extending the sexual pleasure?  For her it may, but for him, he is getting nothing out of it, but being replaced by porn, since he wants to have sex with his wife. 

If both parties agree with such a thing, then maybe it some how extends whatever, but if not, it is replacing. 

IM Jeff stated that he uses porn like 2-3 times a week, which is huge, I think, because that means if his wife is in the mood or whatever and he has just used porn, she is being replaced.  I dont understand how hard it is to see that.  He also stated that she uses when she is not home, lets say she is at work and comes home and is ready to jump his bones, but nope sorry honey, no can do, just spent myself.  How is that not replacing someone?  It is so black and white. 

If I didn't have sex for a whole ****ing year, crazed is NOT what I would be.  I'd be DEAD LOL.  I'm not telling you to roll with it for no other reason than to maybe give him a chance.  Only IF these attempts at NOT using it in your home are GENUINE and not being done to make you THINK he's cutting down. 

I have a motto: Like your job, LOVE your wife.  His job pays the bills, yeah.  But YOU should always come FIRST.  His priorities are all screwed up.  Don't blame yourself for being here!  We're all here to find some sort of answers.  I'm here because I'm trying to understand my wife and women in general better.  You're here in search of your own answers.  VENT, doll.  Because sometimes I vent on here and feel a smidge better afterwards lol.  You want sex with your husband but you want it WITHOUT him using porn.  I don't know how you're going to manage that. 

You're either going to have to sacrifice your pride on this one and jump him, or hold to your convictions and go without getting laid.  A happy medium in your case I think is what you're looking for here.  I wish you luck with that, I really do.  I don't think ANYONE should have to go without good back breaking sex lol.  Especially those who are married, like you are.   

completely (as you speak here). He didn't stop having sex with me. And that two or three times a week thing you  wrote about....there were times  my husband used porn 2-3 times a week. there were times he used it 1 time a week. times he used it 1 time a month and times he used it 2-3 times a day. The number of times does not make an addict. 

you also just said...you pull up porn that has women with flat stomachs. Since your wife doesn't have this....you ARE replacing her. 

you just wrote this jeff. 

Read it and follow your own advice' 

"LOVE your wife. But YOU should always come FIRST.  His priorities are all screwed up." 

Love your wife!!! when using porn you are NOT loving your wife! The only thing you are loving during this time is your hard ****!

I agree, if porn is being used as a substitute for sex with your partner, or one or the other feels "slighted" in any way regarding porn, it would be wrong. Just as it would be wrong to masturbate without porn if it is being used as a substitute for being with your partner.  

years ago there was a different family that lived across the street from us. THe husband in this family often didn't go to work, he drank too much and often beat his wife and kids. Needless his wife's life was pretty crappy. During this same times my husband was pretty deep into his porn addiction. Often there were times I told myself how lucky I was that it was only porn that i was dealing with. That I could be in this other situation across the street. I somehow tried to tell myself over and over that this porn was nothing. ANd I tried to convince myself somehow I should be grateful for what I did have dispite his porn usage and his addiction. 

During this same time....my husband would tell me that he knew many guys who went out after work and spent time at the bars. these guys often were not faithful to their wives  because they were sleeping with other women. He would tell me this in the midst of our arguments surrounding porn.  He somehow believed I should be grateful that it was porn that i was dealing with and not these other guy's problems. 

I went for a period of time feeling pretty selfish. Feeling as if I should have nothing to complain about. Heck...I could be dealing with someone who has all kinds of women he is sleeping with or I could be dealing with abuse or what ever. I should be grateful is what I kept telling myself. 

My point is....there will always be someone who has it worse on the other side of the fence. If my husband looked at porn once a day for an hour....there was someone else who looked at it twice a day for two hours. If my husband looked at porn of 19 year olds....someone else's husband looked at porn of 16 year olds.  

There will always be something that hurts a little worse or someone who has it a little worse. That doesn't mean....that what is happening to me or who ever...doesn't hurt. ...or that our pain is somehow not as important. I won't justify someone else mistakes by saying someone else screwed up worse. They both screwed up. 

so....is porn cheating? Yes. Is it somehow not so bad becauase the neighbor guy is a bigger screw up? NO. 

okay...now i have to go take some pictures of my nephew. 

Again, there is a purpose of this in side your marriage...whether that be due to a deficiency or because you/he need something to "extend" or STRENGTHEN (?) it.... 

The point is, there is a necessity in order to fill what is missing, extend what otherwise is not extened without it (porn) or some how (?) this (porn) strengthens it. 

That is the point.  Porn puts in what otherwise is not there to begin with...hence, never really addressing the issues of why/how/what is missing, but rather "filling" in so that the issues don't have to be resolved in the first place. 

Luv~ 

what everyone has been saying.  That if someone is hurting in the process or doesnt like it, that is a replacement? 

No one knows when their S/O is going to be in the mood.  I know when my S/O is not in the mood, but I am not going to run to porn, because he maybe in 20 minutes and I would rather have him then look at some other naked man or heavens to bid I may have to wait a day.  For example, this weekend he ran a marathon and was completely wiped out on Sunday, I was in the mood, but I am not going to run to porn because I knew he would be ready to go the next day.  To me just because someone is not in the mood at that moment, it doesnt mean you should go off and do whatever.   

If it works in relationships, that is wonderful. 

In the wrong context. The fact is that to cheat on your spouse you have to go and have sex with someone else. Meaning that you are having physical contact with another person. That is not what porn is. As far as I know Porn is used for masterbation, mainly. Having sexual contact with ones own hand. That is not cheating. I personally think that there are way to many words that a thrown around here that are not even being used right.  

Just because a man or a woman uses porn alone Does not mean that they are cheating on their spouses. Porn is something alot of couples use together or alone, in no way does that make them any less committed, creative or passionate with one another then a couple that don't use porn.  

I don't believe that we as women have the right to make up new meanings for words, to better serve our purposes. If you ask most men they will completely disagree with porn being a form of cheating. I relieze that the relation for many of you is the feeling of beytrayal you all talk about, but trust me that is nothing to the feeling you have when your s/o goes and sleeps or have sexual physical contact with another person.  

 I relieze that there are many people here that are againist porn, and that is fine, but there is no reason to resort to name callling and labeling other people as a cheater or an addict. The fact is that I believe there are men you become addictted to sex and there are men who will cheat on there wives but that doesn't just include men who look at porn, and it is not just limited to men. 

Lovinglady 

P.S. Hi all- Hope everyone is having a good day:) 

Men and women were doing fine until Gloria Steinem came into the picture.  Now, men have become women and women have become aggressive.  I tried the "nice guy" approach for YEARS.  It doesn't work.  Women tend to flake out on dates and cheat.   My favorite excuse is: "Oh!  He's just an old friend!" 

 As per the old Alice Cooper tune: "No More Mr. Nice Guy".  If an American woman doesn't take her rightful place in the relationship, guys like myself can always go overseas or South of the Border where men are treated like the Kings that we are.  This is happening on an increasing frequency. 

Another old tune comes to mind: Santana's "You've Got To Change Your Evil Ways".  He hit it right on the head.  Wives aren't supposed to be out all hours with their girlfriends.  They are supposed to be homemakers and cooking our dinner.  We guys are sick of going to Denny's.  We want REAL FOOD.