Topic : Pornography

years ago there was a different family that lived across the street from us. THe husband in this family often didn't go to work, he drank too much and often beat his wife and kids. Needless his wife's life was pretty crappy. During this same times my husband was pretty deep into his porn addiction. Often there were times I told myself how lucky I was that it was only porn that i was dealing with. That I could be in this other situation across the street. I somehow tried to tell myself over and over that this porn was nothing. ANd I tried to convince myself somehow I should be grateful for what I did have dispite his porn usage and his addiction. 

During this same time....my husband would tell me that he knew many guys who went out after work and spent time at the bars. these guys often were not faithful to their wives  because they were sleeping with other women. He would tell me this in the midst of our arguments surrounding porn.  He somehow believed I should be grateful that it was porn that i was dealing with and not these other guy's problems. 

I went for a period of time feeling pretty selfish. Feeling as if I should have nothing to complain about. Heck...I could be dealing with someone who has all kinds of women he is sleeping with or I could be dealing with abuse or what ever. I should be grateful is what I kept telling myself. 

My point is....there will always be someone who has it worse on the other side of the fence. If my husband looked at porn once a day for an hour....there was someone else who looked at it twice a day for two hours. If my husband looked at porn of 19 year olds....someone else's husband looked at porn of 16 year olds.  

There will always be something that hurts a little worse or someone who has it a little worse. That doesn't mean....that what is happening to me or who ever...doesn't hurt. ...or that our pain is somehow not as important. I won't justify someone else mistakes by saying someone else screwed up worse. They both screwed up. 

so....is porn cheating? Yes. Is it somehow not so bad becauase the neighbor guy is a bigger screw up? NO. 

okay...now i have to go take some pictures of my nephew. 

years ago there was a different family that lived across the street from us. THe husband in this family often didn't go to work, he drank too much and often beat his wife and kids. Needless his wife's life was pretty crappy. During this same times my husband was pretty deep into his porn addiction. Often there were times I told myself how lucky I was that it was only porn that i was dealing with. That I could be in this other situation across the street. I somehow tried to tell myself over and over that this porn was nothing. ANd I tried to convince myself somehow I should be grateful for what I did have dispite his porn usage and his addiction. 

During this same time....my husband would tell me that he knew many guys who went out after work and spent time at the bars. these guys often were not faithful to their wives  because they were sleeping with other women. He would tell me this in the midst of our arguments surrounding porn.  He somehow believed I should be grateful that it was porn that i was dealing with and not these other guy's problems. 

I went for a period of time feeling pretty selfish. Feeling as if I should have nothing to complain about. Heck...I could be dealing with someone who has all kinds of women he is sleeping with or I could be dealing with abuse or what ever. I should be grateful is what I kept telling myself. 

My point is....there will always be someone who has it worse on the other side of the fence. If my husband looked at porn once a day for an hour....there was someone else who looked at it twice a day for two hours. If my husband looked at porn of 19 year olds....someone else's husband looked at porn of 16 year olds.  

There will always be something that hurts a little worse or someone who has it a little worse. That doesn't mean....that what is happening to me or who ever...doesn't hurt. ...or that our pain is somehow not as important. I won't justify someone else mistakes by saying someone else screwed up worse. They both screwed up. 

so....is porn cheating? Yes. Is it somehow not so bad becauase the neighbor guy is a bigger screw up? NO. 

okay...now i have to go take some pictures of my nephew. 

Men and women were doing fine until Gloria Steinem came into the picture.  Now, men have become women and women have become aggressive.  I tried the "nice guy" approach for YEARS.  It doesn't work.  Women tend to flake out on dates and cheat.   My favorite excuse is: "Oh!  He's just an old friend!" 

 As per the old Alice Cooper tune: "No More Mr. Nice Guy".  If an American woman doesn't take her rightful place in the relationship, guys like myself can always go overseas or South of the Border where men are treated like the Kings that we are.  This is happening on an increasing frequency. 

Another old tune comes to mind: Santana's "You've Got To Change Your Evil Ways".  He hit it right on the head.  Wives aren't supposed to be out all hours with their girlfriends.  They are supposed to be homemakers and cooking our dinner.  We guys are sick of going to Denny's.  We want REAL FOOD. 

Men and women were doing fine until Gloria Steinem came into the picture.  Now, men have become women and women have become aggressive.  I tried the "nice guy" approach for YEARS.  It doesn't work.  Women tend to flake out on dates and cheat.   My favorite excuse is: "Oh!  He's just an old friend!" 

 As per the old Alice Cooper tune: "No More Mr. Nice Guy".  If an American woman doesn't take her rightful place in the relationship, guys like myself can always go overseas or South of the Border where men are treated like the Kings that we are.  This is happening on an increasing frequency. 

Another old tune comes to mind: Santana's "You've Got To Change Your Evil Ways".  He hit it right on the head.  Wives aren't supposed to be out all hours with their girlfriends.  They are supposed to be homemakers and cooking our dinner.  We guys are sick of going to Denny's.  We want REAL FOOD. 

Again, there is a purpose of this in side your marriage...whether that be due to a deficiency or because you/he need something to "extend" or STRENGTHEN (?) it.... 

The point is, there is a necessity in order to fill what is missing, extend what otherwise is not extened without it (porn) or some how (?) this (porn) strengthens it. 

That is the point.  Porn puts in what otherwise is not there to begin with...hence, never really addressing the issues of why/how/what is missing, but rather "filling" in so that the issues don't have to be resolved in the first place. 

Luv 

Men and women were doing fine until Gloria Steinem came into the picture.  Now, men have become women and women have become aggressive.  I tried the "nice guy" approach for YEARS.  It doesn't work.  Women tend to flake out on dates and cheat.   My favorite excuse is: "Oh!  He's just an old friend!" 

 As per the old Alice Cooper tune: "No More Mr. Nice Guy".  If an American woman doesn't take her rightful place in the relationship, guys like myself can always go overseas or South of the Border where men are treated like the Kings that we are.  This is happening on an increasing frequency. 

Another old tune comes to mind: Santana's "You've Got To Change Your Evil Ways".  He hit it right on the head.  Wives aren't supposed to be out all hours with their girlfriends.  They are supposed to be homemakers and cooking our dinner.  We guys are sick of going to Denny's.  We want REAL FOOD. 

"CHEATING IS WRONG....AND INDULGING IN PORN IS A FORM OF ADULTERY." 

And men would never HAVE TO resort IF....just do their wifely DUTIES.....(I am laughing now....this is good stuff Jim)..... 

Jim, Jim, Jim,......didn't anyone ever really talk to you about women and sex?  See this is the kind of thing that really messes up people's sex lives...too much of this depending on someone else to "DO" whatever it takes to make you happy...including in sex.  When the fact is some people just don't know what the other wants.  And porn sure isn't showing anyone anything about the realities of sex...not with real people.  And the other problem with this statement is that if YOU treat and think of sex as a "DUTY" FOR A WOMEN...then it's very likely that you TREAT her like she's an employee of sex, rather than an equally deserving parnter to recieve the pleasure part of your ( and hers')  sexual experience.  This is one huge reason why some women do shut down and won't get into real experimentation with their partners...hence...the reason YOU would say men get into porn.  

See it's a vicious cycle...one not knowing how to approach sex....the other getting the feeling that it's some kind of "job" to have sex.  In other words..."just do what we want"..."the way we want it"....sorry Jim but this makes for a very lonely sex life after so long.  Because sex is a two way street.....unlike you see inside the porn star's eyes...real women want just as much as YOU want her to be the pleasuring factor for you, for herself.   

A woman who is really honestly pleasured by a man during sex....will be more than ready and willing to do the pleasuring TO you , FOR you as well.  If she's not this way....then HER experience with sex is very likely not exactly what you think might be curling her toe nails either.  To put it bluntly....a woman who is really "into" sex and is pleased having sex then the sexual experience is something she looks forward to expanding on. 

I know men don't like to hear this.....but men have a great deal of power and ability to "bring" this out in a woman.....they are being mislead as to how this works. 

See with some women, they don't miss something or desire to make it better, or have the need to put anything into "it"...if it's something they truly could live without because it is nothing spectacular about "it" to them to begin with......exactly the same thing you might say about your own "real" sexual experience....and therefore having to turn to porn to supplement it.  That's the vicious cycle and it only gets worse...unless the same expectation you place on yourself surpass what you put on your partner....THEN and only then will this change for you. 

Luv 

Men and women were doing fine until Gloria Steinem came into the picture.  Now, men have become women and women have become aggressive.  I tried the "nice guy" approach for YEARS.  It doesn't work.  Women tend to flake out on dates and cheat.   My favorite excuse is: "Oh!  He's just an old friend!" 

 As per the old Alice Cooper tune: "No More Mr. Nice Guy".  If an American woman doesn't take her rightful place in the relationship, guys like myself can always go overseas or South of the Border where men are treated like the Kings that we are.  This is happening on an increasing frequency. 

Another old tune comes to mind: Santana's "You've Got To Change Your Evil Ways".  He hit it right on the head.  Wives aren't supposed to be out all hours with their girlfriends.  They are supposed to be homemakers and cooking our dinner.  We guys are sick of going to Denny's.  We want REAL FOOD.