Quote From: honeydew7 I will start with little background information on myself. I am 23 years old, currently pursuing my masters degree with one semester left to go. I relocated over a year ago to go to school, and I was fortunate enough to find affordable arrangements living in a house with the owner,
who rents out four of his bedrooms. Some months ago, one of the other tenants and I began a relationship, and we have now been together 9 months. I guess you could say that things have become serious, considering we lived together for the entire time. He is 27 and is a school health and phys ed teacher.
The issue that concerns me is that he frequents pornography on the internet. I had no idea this was going on until the end of July when he masturbated for an entire hour while I was in the house. I had never experienced a situation like this before, and I had no idea what was going on at first. He had gone into his room and locked his door (and we never lock doors in this house), and I went down a couple of times to see what he was doing, because I had no idea! However, the second time I went to his door and he opened it, I could visually see and realize what was going on. He later apologized the following evening, not for masturbating or viewing the porn, but for being 'sloppy' in that I was right down the hall.
However, this situation has occurred more often than not. If I go out and come back home, I usually walk in on the situation. If I come home early from my classes, I enter the situation. One morning I went to brunch with a friend, and I came home with her, and the two of us entered the situation, which was extremely embarrassing. It's not that anything is lacking in our physical relationship, because we are very active together, although the relationship may have been affected possibly three or four times (which I attribute to him watching porn prior). However, the frequency of this has concerned me. He will look at porn for at least an hour and a half or more, and there will be over one hundred sites viewed in a given situation. At first, I took it personally, as I think every girl would if they have never experienced it before. However, this has occurred so often, that I have simply become tired of it. He gets mad at me for coming home early, which I don't have control of.
I think my question is, what is normal in a relationship? I understand that yes, guys look at porn and masturbate, however what is an acceptable amount, and what is an acceptable frequency? Am I being oversensitive, or should I be more concerned of a problem? I have looked to make sure there was nothing illegal going on, which was good to know. However, I just don't understand why he needs to view pornography so frequently. I have tried to talk to him about it, to just settle things in my head, because I obviously do not think the same way as being a female. However, me discussing it with him causes frustration. I have been advised to offer to participate with him, and so I have offered on two occasions, but he said it would be too much work. I have tried to be understanding, however, I simply am tired of experiencing this situation. He wants to move out and he wants me to go with him, and although I had seriously considered it, I am now thinking I would be a fool to willfully put myself in the same situation that upsets me.
Please do tell me, is this normal? I think I have lost all understanding of what is normal and what is not normal. He loves me very much, and I love him as well, however I have thought of ending the relationship a few times based on this, but I am not sure if that is the right reason.
Thank you so much for your time. I can't tell you how much it means to
me...I just need to put my feelings in order. Thank you!
you and a girlfriend walked in on him. Was he "busy" or was he just viewing?
Another point that you have to investigate is why this upsets you so. Be very truthful with yourself. You need to find out what is so troubling to you before you can effectively deal with it.
