Topic : Pornography

How porn has affected my marriage.  Well..........  I start by saying that it has affected it alot.  We haven't had sex in over 8 years.  My husband always told me "I don't want to have  sex"  and then I find him watching a porn flick or reading a porn book.  When we were first dating he took me out of town to meet his family and he took me to a xxx rated motel to stay over night.  I didn't think it was all that great.  During the course of our marriage we've battled the issue of porn alot.  I've had to clean all the porn out of our house.  My husband would hide it or justify it by saying it was ok to have it.  He's said that reading it's no big deal.  He's told me that "It's just something to read".  I've told him that porn is taking something special as sex and turned it into something dirty.  He didn't by it.  I've told him that he's addicted to it.  He's denied that.  I found a counselor who would help him and he refused to go.  One year friends of ours wanted us to go with them on our motorcycles to california to a cool motorcycle convention.  Well......................  My husband lost his job as janitor at our local church.  He was caught reading porn on the church internet.   And that was the end of our trip.  At home I have a block on our computer so he can't read porn.  I am so tired of porn in my life that I could scream!  You ask why did I marry him knowing this.  Well...............  I was blind to it and he was convincing that it was just a hobby.  Well I am no fool.  The message I would send to anyone who is dating someone with porn issues is RUN like hell..........  If it's not dealth with you'll battle it all of your marriage.  You feel undesirable when he doesn't want to have sex.  You'll never trust him, he'll lie about doing it and it will be one of the things you fight alot in your marriage.  It's a real hard additction to cure.   

How porn has affected my marriage.  Well..........  I start by saying that it has affected it alot.  We haven't had sex in over 8 years.  My husband always told me "I don't want to have  sex"  and then I find him watching a porn flick or reading a porn book.  When we were first dating he took me out of town to meet his family and he took me to a xxx rated motel to stay over night.  I didn't think it was all that great.  During the course of our marriage we've battled the issue of porn alot.  I've had to clean all the porn out of our house.  My husband would hide it or justify it by saying it was ok to have it.  He's said that reading it's no big deal.  He's told me that "It's just something to read".  I've told him that porn is taking something special as sex and turned it into something dirty.  He didn't by it.  I've told him that he's addicted to it.  He's denied that.  I found a counselor who would help him and he refused to go.  One year friends of ours wanted us to go with them on our motorcycles to california to a cool motorcycle convention.  Well......................  My husband lost his job as janitor at our local church.  He was caught reading porn on the church internet.   And that was the end of our trip.  At home I have a block on our computer so he can't read porn.  I am so tired of porn in my life that I could scream!  You ask why did I marry him knowing this.  Well...............  I was blind to it and he was convincing that it was just a hobby.  Well I am no fool.  The message I would send to anyone who is dating someone with porn issues is RUN like hell..........  If it's not dealth with you'll battle it all of your marriage.  You feel undesirable when he doesn't want to have sex.  You'll never trust him, he'll lie about doing it and it will be one of the things you fight alot in your marriage.  It's a real hard additction to cure.   

How porn has affected my marriage.  Well..........  I start by saying that it has affected it alot.  We haven't had sex in over 8 years.  My husband always told me "I don't want to have  sex"  and then I find him watching a porn flick or reading a porn book.  When we were first dating he took me out of town to meet his family and he took me to a xxx rated motel to stay over night.  I didn't think it was all that great.  During the course of our marriage we've battled the issue of porn alot.  I've had to clean all the porn out of our house.  My husband would hide it or justify it by saying it was ok to have it.  He's said that reading it's no big deal.  He's told me that "It's just something to read".  I've told him that porn is taking something special as sex and turned it into something dirty.  He didn't by it.  I've told him that he's addicted to it.  He's denied that.  I found a counselor who would help him and he refused to go.  One year friends of ours wanted us to go with them on our motorcycles to california to a cool motorcycle convention.  Well......................  My husband lost his job as janitor at our local church.  He was caught reading porn on the church internet.   And that was the end of our trip.  At home I have a block on our computer so he can't read porn.  I am so tired of porn in my life that I could scream!  You ask why did I marry him knowing this.  Well...............  I was blind to it and he was convincing that it was just a hobby.  Well I am no fool.  The message I would send to anyone who is dating someone with porn issues is RUN like hell..........  If it's not dealth with you'll battle it all of your marriage.  You feel undesirable when he doesn't want to have sex.  You'll never trust him, he'll lie about doing it and it will be one of the things you fight alot in your marriage.  It's a real hard additction to cure.   

hhhhhmmmm....leave a situation that doesn't work for you..........hhhhhmmmmm just as I am doing for my children and their school.  

Dr PHil puts on his front page this message board and it seems we have all kinds of women who are in relationships where porn doesn't work for them.... 

I would say....PORN HURTS MORE RELATIONSHIPS THEN MOST WANT TO BELIEVE!!! 

wake up America.....is porn really worth all this????My answer...NO! 

I was in the exact same situation!  My then boyfriend was very much into porn and couldn't understand why it bothered me so much.  When I would find evidence of it on his pc or in magazines we would have a huge fight and I would almost leave.  Things would be ok for a few weeks or months, but he would always start up again without fail.  I wasn't completely aware of how bad his problem was until after we were married with a child.  I am currently expecting our second child within the next 3-4 weeks and it wasn't until I got the courage up to develop a plan to leave him and follow through that he finally understood what a major issue this is for me.  I love him to no end and he is a wonderful father.  But, I did not want to raise our children in an environment in which porn was an accepted part of our relationship.  I want our children to know that they do not have to settle, and that they deserve to feel loved and accepted as they. 

As I prepared to leave my husband, I explained that if I had known how much porn was a part of his life I never would have continued to stay in our relationship.  My advice to you is to run for the hills and never look back.  This is too much of a problem for you to try and deal with for the rest of your life.  He will never change. 

I need to make my own choices. 

If i choose to stay with him, I should not look for it, I should trust that even if he looks at it once in a while i has nothing to do with me.  He loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that in itself should be enough for me to feel secure not only about myself but about our relationship.   

If I choose to stay with him and keep looking for it, I will end up finding it and having to deal with it every single time.  This like you said could ultimately harm us and our relationship.   

Am I understanding what you are trying to say?   

I too am in a marriage with an admitted addict to pornography.  If you are not married to the man who has this problem then please- RUN, Run in the opposite direction as fast as you can.  Until he is in a program for addicts, making real progress, has been in remission for a LONG time, he will not stop- even if he promises- he will not stop because he is an ADDICT.  They have to hit their rock bottom on their own and make the changes becasue they want to.  I guarantee you wanting him to change is not enough.  On top of that this addiction is one that progresses- once the thrill is gone from their current choice they move on to something worse- more exhilerating, more dangerous, more whatever.   

My husbands addiction has gone from porn to online affairs to attempts to hook up in dating sites and meet new relationships.  I thought him watching porn was the end of the world- believe me it gets worse.  I can't tell you how many times you watch your dreams shatter and then begin to rebuild again.  My husband and I are in couples counseling, he is goingto be starting a 12-step, and still his desire to change is next to nothing.  Its a horrible cycle of addiction and if you can walk away from the relationship- I don't care how great everything else is- walk away.  This will become huge in your relationship and all those other "great" things may not be enough to hold the relationship up.  You can always try again together when he does have this under some semblence of control.  Pornography warps views on women, marriage, sex, fidelity, right and wrong, violence, society as a whole... it destroys everyone in its wake. 

 If you choose to stay in a relationship with a man addicted to pornography then realize you need help too.  There are support groups, message boards, even 12 step programs for you as the spouse and loved one of a sex/porn addict.  good luck