My sympathy goes to you.
It is a challenge to turn what once was a healthy feeling (your sexuality towards your husband) and then disrupted by outside elements and influences such as porn. It is not some miracle that will suddenly let you forget the hurt and the feelings of betrayal and disgust but a matter of "do you have it in you and more importantly "DO YOU WANT TO". I believe this is what it comes down to. It's like an affair. When you find out the person you thought you could trust, you wanted to trust, lets you down somehow, its a matter of asking yourself that very tough question : Do I want this to work and do I want to do what is required to get past this?
I too have held on to the anger that came when he obviously thought his needs were more important and when you are angry at someone, love is shoved aside and fear and being right is now more important. I think it is awful when we find someone masturbating to porn. Its a violation to them and a trauma to us. Yet it happens because eventually when someone is doing something A LOT, they get sloppy and forget to hide their tracks all for the sake of getting off.
Children get caught masturbating because they are careless and are being controlled by their hormones. As adults, you would think this would not be the problem. Yet when we find our s/o doing this kind of act, its like we are now dealing with a child. How can a woman respect this man that can't control his urges? The way we think about these people changes us and I think the more damage there is in the relationship, outside of porn, the more porn can destroy that relationship because it is already on shaky ground.
Sexuality is a beautiful thing and it is to be shared (if we are lucky enough to have a good, compassionate lover). If we are not so fortunate, then porn might have a legimitate excuse to be a part of someones menu. I also have not been able to have sex with my husband and I also feel the same way you do. Maybe this is common? It must be and I think we need to give ourselves a little more credit with this. Why do you feel you need to "get over" these feelings? Will that solve the problem?
The only thing getting over these feelings is going to do to you is lower your self esteem because now you are living a lie and you are actually telling yourself that you don't know if you can make a decision that is right; little by little you will start to question everything that you once were and felt. Is it worth it? Go for the professional help because you have children now and need to get your acts together. But that means the both of you. This is not your fault and it is not his. Its a lifestyle that many have chosen to believe is not dangerous. Good luck and keep coming back. Kimi
