Topic : Pornography

If you haven't already...is that very few, if any, of the posters on this board have a tolerance for anyone else's views but their own.  Whether it's fear, stubbornness, close-mindedness or just the "I am right and that's it no matter what you say" - you will never be able to get them to even come close to seeing it your way or attempting to acknowledge that there is more then one path in this world and people take the one that works for them.  You can post until you are blue in the face and it will always come back like a 2-year old "I'm right, you're wrong and I won't even pretend to act like I'm listening".  Why is that?  Because they are too worried about coming up with responses and defenses that they aren't really "listening" or even trying to understand where you are coming from. 

It's been stated many times before you arrived that the name of this board is "how porn has affected our relationship" - it doesn't state for good or bad.  However, a lot of people seem to think it inadvertently missed the word "negatively" rather than allowing people to say that it hasn't been a bad thing in their relationship.  Heaven forbid you have an opinion of your own that may go against theirs.   

But as long as you are happy with your marriage and how it works and they are happy with their marriages and how it works - then everyone should be pleased that their marriage is working in they way it works for them.  You don't have to defend yourself to them - you're not the one they are in a relationship with.  If you and your husband are happy and enjoying each other then you enjoy.  Have fun and do what works for you.   

Look, I don't answer for anyone here,so I won't.  But plz, don't say in the same context that you "love God" or proclaim anything about him, and then say what you have said.    

I am really sick of the immature answers that change with however you're feeling or the wind is blowing at any given time...  

I really have some respect for some here, when they actually go with what they believe....but it's getting to where those who believe anything are just faking that too... Grow up!!! would you?  

It has little to do with if they use porn...it's their life and their bedroom, I really do get that. You know what it is?  It's this.  Every female (specifically) that comes on here with how great they just love porn has to assume that the rest of the population doesn't know how to have sex, or they think they've got some awesome insight on what's wrong with the "rest of us" that doesn't need to use porn!!!!!  

And that does irritate me a bit here.  Since when is there something wrong with those of us who don't use porn?  Can't you get that?  Read back on the old board too....every single female that claims this perfect happy little porn romping is so great offers the rest of us poor slobs her advice about what we must not be doing right in the sac with our men.  

Just like this one....comes on here, doesn't just talk about what or how porn is great for her...but assumes she's got some insight to everyone else's problem with it.  "Oh you should be doing this...or that",  SOOOOOOOOOOO, my position is simply to tell her I don't have "issues" to get over, I do just fine without porn, always have and always will.  My bedroom doesn't require anything else nor any advice on how to "make it different" or exciting.  It's already there.    

That's the problem i have with all this advice.  If someone loves porn, then so be it, use it if you must!  It's that simple.  But don't come here and act like you've got something over on the rest of the world who don't support porn!   Go back to her first post....."oh I know the problems you woman have with porn....it's this, it's that....."  AND when it comes to men....it's this or that.....OH PLZ, just keep your porn and stop thinking you have some higher intelligence over people who don't need to use it!!!! And that's really what bothers me about that kind of mentality!    

I don't need the advice from someone who professes to use porn, and claims it's the best thing since sliced bread.  When clearly I have a substantially awesome sex life with one person without needing to use anything.  I am aggressive towards pleasing myself and him and he is too.  And I don't think I am lacking anything, nor is he.  We have intimacy, trust and a bond together.  And it's pretty darn great.  If anything, there's some people that could use some really sound advice about having a great sex life without using anything to get them there.  I just plain don't like being told that women who don't incorporate porn into their lives have something wrong with them.  when they don't!!!  

(Oh, and the best part is this "I love God too", I noticed that had to be brought up in her first post as well......and that's a whole other post to get to)  Luv  

I'm not retarded. You may expect your spouse to think of nobody but you when you have sex with him. But you really don't know for sure if he is thinking of you all the time when you do have sex. Don't say that you know everything that he's thinking of when he's doing you because then you would be so in denial. You could know somebody for 50 years and still not know everything there thinking about when there with you sexually. Why is him thinking only about you a level of faithfullness that you need to trust him and feel good about yourself? So what your saying is by you demanding or expecting him to only think of you during sex that he's going to do exactly just that because you want him to? That he'll never ever think of another girl he saw somewhere or in a movie again? Wow. Your in denial.    

When me and my husband are together he does think of me! But at some point in a lifetime he's going to end up thinking of another girl while we're having sex and it isnt my right to tell him to don't ever ever do that again or else I'm going to leave him. Trying to control how and what a guy thinks about when he's having sex is totally stupid and unreal. As long as he's with you has sex with you lives with you gives you things you want and sleeps with you at night then this should be enough for you to know that he loves only you and thats why he has sex with only you and not a hundred other girls.    

Then you say theres nothing wrong with me insisting that my spouse think of me and me alone when he's making love to me. Insist? So you think that if a girl insists to her guy that he only think of her and never use porn or thoughts or anything else that he's going to do it just because she insisted him to? What if you found out that he didn't think of you during sex or looked at porn again? Like if you found out tomorrow night that he looked at porn or treated you differently during sex what would you do? Would you pack your stuff and take your kids and go? Of course you wouldnt. You'd be pissy though. But you wouldn't leave. The fact that you wouldn't leave shows that you don't really mean the ultimatum that you gave him. It shows that you just said that so that he would do what you wanted him to do to make you feel better.    

Like I said when we make love he's totally into me and into it. But other times yeah he wants to use toys on me or play games like if he's a cop and he's writing me a ticket or somethng. Other times he likes for us to look at porn before anything even gets started. Sometimes he likes to use it alone like I do and then later on when we get home for the night we talk about what we saw and what kind of things we'd like to try. Sometimes we don't use anything and we just jump eachother being totally into one another.    

If you believe porn is bad for your marriage and that you want him to only think of you forever then this is your choice. But don't expect everybody you come across to agree with you and live the way you do. Don't think that people who do things differently than you are bad. Because some of the nicest sweetest people you'll ever know or meet may use porn and you don't even know it.    

If I could talk to your husband I'd ask him all kinds of questions about how much you control him which seems to be alot. I'd ask him without you around and without me ever telling you what he said if he really thinks about you everytime you all do it and if he really did stop looking at porn forever or if he still uses it without you knowing. Even if he only does it sometimes or hardly ever. If he answered me honestly I think you would be shocked at the answers.    

Of course your feelings would be hurt and then you'd make him feel bad about what he thinks. You'll say oh no he wouldn't say that he would say he does think of me always and never watches porn again because I told him not to and because he really doesn't want to.    

I think you expect wayy too much from your guy. I also think that your fooling yourself if you think that for the rest of your life that he's only going to think of you or your body while your having sex or when he's thinking about wanting to have sex.    

I can't remember it exactly, i'll look around and see if i can find it...i deleted it by accident and it's my favorite quote:(    

     Anyways, it went something like this??? 

      When you stand at a cliff at the edge of everything you've known about to step into darkness you will find one of two things that you will find a floor solid beneath your feet or life will teach you to fly. 

I know that's not exactly it and not as well put as the original but I think that is the quote you were talking about. Like I said if I find it (and I hope I do!!!) I'll post it to you. I'm not here very often at all anymore, a little too negative for me these days. Do you still have my e-mail address (if you do please don't post it here....either of them) if you do go ahead and e-mail me and when (if) I find it i could e-mail it to you....I don't have your e-mail anymore (sorry).  

Hope things are going well for you! How are those babies doing, groing crazy fast I bet!! 

Take care, 

Bobbinmatt 

I can't remember it exactly, i'll look around and see if i can find it...i deleted it by accident and it's my favorite quote:(    

     Anyways, it went something like this??? 

      When you stand at a cliff at the edge of everything you've known about to step into darkness you will find one of two things that you will find a floor solid beneath your feet or life will teach you to fly. 

I know that's not exactly it and not as well put as the original but I think that is the quote you were talking about. Like I said if I find it (and I hope I do!!!) I'll post it to you. I'm not here very often at all anymore, a little too negative for me these days. Do you still have my e-mail address (if you do please don't post it here....either of them) if you do go ahead and e-mail me and when (if) I find it i could e-mail it to you....I don't have your e-mail anymore (sorry).  

Hope things are going well for you! How are those babies doing, groing crazy fast I bet!! 

Take care, 

Bobbinmatt 

Once again, this may be a totally foreign concept to you, but there is a spiritual aspect to sex, a kind of union between two souls, that makes it possible to know when and if a sexual partner is totally focused on the person he's actually having sex with or focused on something else entirely. When sex is reduced to a purely physical act, this union doesn't happen. Unfortunately, the world is full of people who don't even realize that there is more to sex than just the part that feels good physically because they've never experienced the other part. And, I'm sure you'll deny this, but everything you write indicates that you've never experienced the spiritual side of sex. This is why you can't even imagine your spouse thinking of you alone and doubt that any such spouse could exist, but those of us who have had this deepest, most passionate and intense form of sex know the truth. We know what our spouses think about when they're making love to us because we experience a total melding of souls as well as bodies when we have sex.  

You know nothing about my husband or my marriage and you're obviously judging it according to the only thing you do know, your own relationship. You're going to have to accept that some of us actually have something more. We expect more of our husbands and get more because we respect ourselves enough to require more. And what you term control, our husbands call love and commitment. I think you've got a lot of growing up to do, blissgirl, and it sounds like your relationship is a very shallow one. Doesn't it bother you that you're so young and already the two of you need these toys, porn, fantasies of other people, etc. just to enjoy sex with each other. It should be all about you, your most profound way of sharing your love with each other. This is what marriage is all about. And sex within marriage is supposed to be about so much more than just getting off. I truly hope you find what so many of us here have found one day.