Home Message Boards

Topic : Pornography

Number of Replies: 30846
New Messages This Week: 1
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:18:48 pm
Author : dataimport

Good or bad, does porn play a part in your life? Talk about it here.


For support, please visit the How Porn Has Hurt Our Relationship message board.

 

Please note: While a mature discussion about pornography is the purpose of this board, any posts that are attacking towards another poster, or are too graphic in nature, will be removed at the moderators' discretion.


Join the new Dr. Phil Community! Currently in BETA, the new Dr. Phil Community will allow you to personalize your message board experience. Start by creating your user profile here.

For help and FAQs on the new BETA Community, please click here.




 
darcylove
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
December 8, 2006, 3:26 pm PST

i can't understand

why it is so important to get out some message that men need to use porn because their wives are not interested in have sex as often they want or as they desire. Why is this message so important to get out? Give me a violin ...let me play you a sad song.

 

Believe me...if my husband was as arrogant some I have found on here.......sex too would be the last thing on my mind. I am not interested in living out porn fantasies. Not interested in inviting additional partners or incorporating other sidistic (spelling) things in my bedroom. I am not interested in being his porn star because I know that what is on those movies is not real. ......

 

I am interested in sex that leaves both of us happy and fulfilled.  And if someone's wife is not getting her share too....well she probably is going to withdraw from sex. Again there is always a reason for a woman to pull away. ALWAYS! and if you haven't figured it out....you are trying hard enough.

 

For the rest of us......porn is wrong. It is cheating. It is seeking outside the marriage. It is addictive and it is detroying more marriages then it is helping.

 

This board exist for many to find support.

 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
lilliesmommie
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
December 8, 2006, 5:19 pm PST

How Porn Has Affected Our Relationship

Quote From: kimikomine

You hit on a very good point. I notice that since my husband uses porn a lot, even when we were having sex, the amount of time we actually did it was not very long. 15 minutes or so. Also he was not into foreplay at all which I found very disturbing since he can watch porn for a hour and do it a few times, look for a while, do it again, but when he was with me, no foreplay, and a quickie sort of. Of course he thought it was amazing that I was able to achieve an orgasm so fast which to him meant I was done.....oh well. Yep. Porn didn't dement his mind, nope, not at all!

 

Being the understanding person I am, I just thought he was squirmish and not experienced so I accepted his lack of say, interest. But what it truly seems now, looking back in hindsight, he likes porn better then real sex, but wants real sex once in a while just to keep the feeling fresh in his mind, and maybe to make him think he is satisfying me and me and being a good husband.

 

It is really sad that so many men fall victim to the porn world and dont' understand why their sex lives are dwindling to a mere trickle. And it is equally as sad that women are now not only dealing with pressures from working very hard during the day, obtaining careers and degrees, raising families, and they can't even come home and expect a good romp in the hay! Our mindset is so set to quick release it just doesn't seem anyone really wants to take the time to get to know someone intimately, be intimate with them and enjoy the beauty and wonderfulness of the human relationship.

 

Hope your rest was peaceful. Kimi

hey at least you got 15 mins with me it was 3 mins (yes i timed it). I told him that if he wanted foreplay he is going to have to start giving it to me, and so far its working. I am proud of him for all that he is doing to make me feel like a real woman again and not just a sex object.  i hope that maybe our stories will help others.

 

my tears are only pure drops of liquid love.

sonia
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
allinall
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
quiet
December 8, 2006, 8:23 pm PST

And

 There is always a reason for a man to pull away. ALWAYS.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
jljs53
User Mood
Touched

Message Emote
blank
December 8, 2006, 8:48 pm PST

the porn user

The one who uses porn changes the dynamics of the relationship. This is done by lying,sneaking and hiding thus causing distrust  and dishonesty within the marriage. It  also weakens the sexual activity as anyone using porn regularly and masturbating does not have much left for a real sex life.

 

Porn use changes the relationship and in the end will destroy it. What marriage can hold up such negative impacts ? What relationship can survive the deceit?
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
stevepage
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
December 9, 2006, 1:37 am PST

In your opinion

Quote From: jljs53

The one who uses porn changes the dynamics of the relationship. This is done by lying,sneaking and hiding thus causing distrust  and dishonesty within the marriage. It  also weakens the sexual activity as anyone using porn regularly and masturbating does not have much left for a real sex life.

 

Porn use changes the relationship and in the end will destroy it. What marriage can hold up such negative impacts ? What relationship can survive the deceit?

All of this is purely subjective and based upon opinion, not fact. I don't lie, I don't sneak and I don't hide, regarding my use of porn, nor have I ever. I've never had any complaints about my ability to provide for my wife, sexually - if anything, it's the other way around. However, I don't hold it against my wife - her job is physically demanding, she's had problems with illness in the past and her sex drive has always been lower than mine - therefore, I don't take it personally. I find an outlet for my sexual tension instead, which she is quite happy for me to do. She doesn't think any less of me for it either.

My wife was aware of my porn use before we even started seeing each other - we were friends first - so it hasn't changed the relationship. Ergo, there is no negative impact from it, and no deceit.


It seems that how destructive porn is to a relationship is dependent upon how destructive those in the relationship want it to be.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
darcylove
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
December 9, 2006, 4:46 am PST

so porn is not cheating

but it is a way to keep oneself from cheating. Settling one might say.

 

Let's think about that one.

 

What you want is to have sex with a woman like you see in porn. But instead of doing that you SETTLE for the porn itself. It will kinda satisfy a need that you want it all....but can't have.

 

Just like you had to SETTLE for  your wife. You wanted it all but instead you got her. That is the senario that she is left with when  you use porn. You want more but you SETTLE for LESS.

 

So you still wonder why your porn use leaves women feeling hurt? if so...you aren't very smart.

 

ANd you think you did us a favor by SETTLING with porn!

 

 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
darcylove
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
December 9, 2006, 4:49 am PST

always??

Quote From: allinall

 There is always a reason for a man to pull away. ALWAYS.
what she wasn't giving you what you want?  You want what you see in porn? You want 2 women at once...not just the one you got?  you want whips and chains? you want what the guys in porn get? you poor thing!
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
darcylove
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
December 9, 2006, 4:51 am PST

not many

Quote From: jljs53

The one who uses porn changes the dynamics of the relationship. This is done by lying,sneaking and hiding thus causing distrust  and dishonesty within the marriage. It  also weakens the sexual activity as anyone using porn regularly and masturbating does not have much left for a real sex life.

 

Porn use changes the relationship and in the end will destroy it. What marriage can hold up such negative impacts ? What relationship can survive the deceit?

even after all these years.......even after the porn has gone away......the distrust is still there.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
darcylove
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
December 9, 2006, 4:57 am PST

why?

Quote From: allinall

 Why should the "pro-porners" "step back" or even "leave" this forum? So we can keep the truth that porn is not dangerous to everyone? That everyone is not devistatingly affected? Should we stop allowing the whole truth to be told like this Countries Administration has been doing? Like the FBI  thwarting more terrorist plans by this countries own citizens than all the attempts twarted around the world by our "terrorist enemies". Attempts and plans by radical militia groups, skin heads, neo-nazi groups and the rest.

I'm not saying we should not discuss the "dangers" of porn and it's affect on many people. We should also not dismiss the real reasons some people have for it just because we don't want to hear there may legitimately be a contributing factor. Just like I'm not saying we should relax our guard on terrorism. I'm saying until everyone allows the whole truth and nothing but the truth on all fronts to be spoken can we make reasonable descisions.

Not allowing opposing view points is nothing short of supporting the way Communist and Fascist governments operate. And it definitely is promoting the corruption and violation of the United States Rights of free speech.

you have to ask why? you really don't understand this board at all do you ?

 

why not just invite another woman to your bedroom or have an affair? it is what you want ...isn't it? but you SETTLE for porn...just like you SETTLED for your wife. you poor thing.

 

I thought this board was about porn...not politics. You speak of not allowing the whole truth to be told....when is the last time you told the whole truth to your wife? What are the chances she knows about this board and read the things you write here? Why not share the whole truths with her? Heck why not let her come here and tell us her side of the story? That way we have the WHOLE TRUTH!

 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
darcylove
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
December 9, 2006, 5:00 am PST

try reading

Quote From: allinall

 Lets try a different way of getting this point across. The majority consensus here is that men who use porn, for whatever reason, are turning outside the marriage regardless of their reason(s). Even if he is not, or believes he is not, getting sexually what he needs from the marriage. Ergo he is cheating on his wife. If he believes he is not getting what he desires sexually it is his responsibility to discover and correct whatever reason she has for being sexually disconnected without cheating on her by turning to porn. And, if he can not turn her around he is better to divorce her and find someone else to supply his sexual needs, rather than turn to porn thereby cheating on his herr...It is his choice for turning to porn and has no right to "blame" or "use her as an excuse" for his failing(s)...be man enough and not turn to porn...that no sex at all in the marriage is better than porn sex in the marriage.

Men get just as hurt by women not wanting to meet his sexual needs as women do from him getting his sexual needs met from porn. He is just as cheated on by her turning away from the sexual side of the marriage. He also gets hurt when it appears her opinion of the marriage is only to get met what she can not or does not want to have to meet for herself. For numerous possible reasons he can feel no longer attracted to her sexually because of her actions, inactions or other situations not connected to sex. Just as women can become no longer "into him" being the reason she has seperated herself from the sexual prt of the marriage.

That being said, who is responsible for correcting the situation of him no longer "being into her" sexually for "whatever reason(s)" he has? At this point let's refrain from saying it's both their responsibility, which it is, and keep on the established track of what has been said sooo many times before, that when she is disconnected from the marraige sexually it is his responsibility to discover why and do whatever is necessary to correct that. It is ludicrous to try and say both are responsible to correct when one alone refuses to own any part they have in the problem. And how is it any more her responsibility to discover why and correct it, than it is his responsibility to discover why and correct it when one is anchored in whatever problem the other percieves is their's?

It's really a shame that we have not had women come here to say she is or has become sexually disconnected and turned to porn or other forms of sexual satifaction because she is just no longer "into him", for reason(s) such as he has gotten out of shape or whatever other reason(s). I would like to see how those discussions would go.

relationship rescue. that way someone starts to take responsibility for something. Sit and whine and carry on like you do ...or do something about it. It's  your choice. Because right now you sound like a big old baby with "Who responsibility is it? Why is it always mine?" (paraphrasing)

 

 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
Post a Message

First | Prev | 1674 | 1675 | 1676 | 1677 | 1678 | 1679 | 1680 | 1681 | 1682 | 1683 | Next | Last