Topic : Pornography

 I should amend that a little. They don't want to go to him, instead of waiting for him in bed, while he's looking at porn, because that way they feel his sexual turn on is because of the porn, not because of her, and that makes them feel like they are nothing other than porn themselves.

The point, I think, you are really making is why are they always waiting for him to make the first move. Why is it such a taboo for them to give him the idea that they are real sexual beings and he does not need porn in the first place. Now we are back to my first opinion. It's about control and wanting to be sought after. Sought after to the point where they control the if, when and how. It makes them feel sexy, desirable. Not just a slut or hussy, or whore or whatever else.

At least that's the impression I get from them who say that. And I have to take a clue from those who don't that it's still valid that they want to feel sexy, desirable, attractive, sought after and not just some piece of meat....objectified.

Firstly, I have never had to wait for any guy to get turned on and also, the guy knew damn straight that I was willing so I have never expienced this.Secondly, the reason I would be in bed waiting for him, well, not necessarily waiting for him, but after hanging out, lying around and getting relaxed, in nice attire or whatever, he would fall asleep and I would go to bed. Then he would turn on the porn and I would be in bed wondering ' Uh duh" idiot!!!!! My friends tell me I reak sex so I know in this it is definately not me.

 

 

I'm sorry, but I don't have the time to repost it all at the moment.  Ironically, I think it may have been the post that I responded to that was considered inflammatory, not my post - that's the only reason I can think of.

Gotta go, I've got essays to write and a deadline on Monday. Have a good weekend.

whats so fun about sexually controlling somebody? sounds unfair and stupid, to me. sex isnt about control, its about giving and taking. when you love someone sexually, you want to give them everything sensual that they want....and when you lust after that same person, you want to take everything sexual from them that you want.  this is how i see it anyways.  

 

 

 

if some women get defensive with the "waiting in bed " statement, then you know somethings up. it means that they know that they should (and should want to ) seduce their guys sometimes. and maybe they dont want to because theyre lazy and don't feel like going thru all the work of dressing sexy and putting themselves out there to their man. some of them might think its lots easier if he just comes to her so she doesn't have to do anything but lay there. or maybe its because they don't know how to seduce a guy and might not have the sexual or physical confidence that a girl needs to lay it on her guy wicked hot. who knows ?

 

but...and i've said this over and over and OVER again on this board back a few months ago and i'll say it again:  any woman or wife who doesnt give her guy hot wicked freaky sex occasionally (not once in a while- regularly often....! ) is just gonna have to accept that her guy will look for that kind of sex elsewhere- whether its just porn or actually hooking up with a girl who will give that to him. its just the way it is. the same way that if a woman's husband didn't give her the kind of emotional connection & emotional sex that she needs and wants, then she'll just go and get it elsewhere- by hooking up with other guys, using porn or having an emotional affair with another guy that will give that to her. its just the way it is. on BOTH sides. its just that guys and girls each need diff things from eachother.

 

 

 

 

 

its just the way it is !  

 

your situation is diff. wayy diff !  your guy is a porn freak, period.  and he knows as long as you stay, he can do whatever he wants and have you too. the only way hes ever gonna take you serously and possibly not use porn anymore is if you make good on your threat to move out if he doesnt stop using porn and rubbing your nose in it. 

 

 

if he actually knew that the chance of losing you existed, he wouldnt be acting like that, i'm sure. hes acting that way because he can. and because you let him . 

 

anyways, hope your chillin like a villian this weekend !! the air is crazy cold, christmas is in the air and i'm goin shopping for more presents in a bit!  gotta luv this time of year, eh ?

 

 

 

 

                                                              ~   happy holidays, dr phil peeps!   ~

thats cool, dude. i didnt realize your deleted post was a long one. you know what? i thought that same thing, that the reason your post was deleted was because the post you were responding to was full of disses. either that, or it was reported by someone (maybe the offending person lol ?) .

 

 

 

essays to write? your in school too ? i thought you were older..... anyways, hit them books so you can enjoy what lil weekend you got left hehe

 

you have a cool weekend also! 

 I don't know what could possibly be fun about it. Frankly I don't think they want the fun. I think it's about making one's self bigger than they are. Like a man always pushing a woman around. It makes a jackass (Mods: a legitimate word in the dictionary meaning foolish or stupid person not pointed at anyone directly) out of him. It means he can't feel worthwile unless he intimidates someone. Usually someone who can't knock his block off.

I get it that men and women need different things from each other. Just look arond though. We live in a society that having power over someone else is considered being successful...being a meaninful person...hack, cough. Until we are willing to listen to the other side and give them some credence we will get back exactly what we deserve. Not what we think we deserve.

Everything that began with how we were raised all the way thru what we experience forms us, changes us, and makes us who we become.   All the way back to how our Dad's and Moms spoke to us...to our first kiss...to our first experiences with sex .  So in knowing that....it's fairly unreasonable to just expect anyone, male or female, to understand us completely as individuals...because their opinions and thoughts also come from how they were molded.  The words we speak also have a great impact on those around us.   Bruises disappear, fade and heal....words don't go away or can even be apologized away.    The damage is perminent in many cases.    Sure there is forgiveness....but the memories are still there.    Women see a lot in others, specifically men and they have little "words" to hear when it comes to a man's feelings.....so his ACTIONS often speak loudly about his personality, his deep feelings and his emotions also shine through.....

 

So also in knowing that......words can mean a lot or a little....but actions of a man means something.  And perhaps this is where the act of seeking sexual gradification elsewhere becomes to damaging to women....specifically those who love these men.   After all.....in the beginning his sexual desires were for her....and then porn comes along and those needs are not so much for her anymore....but she becomes often secondary to what she sees she is NOT for him anymore.   

 

Understanding that is yes very difficult.   Seeing the actions of a man the woman loves deeply is often telling enough.   Or at least to her it is.  She is an emotional  creature for good reasons.....GOD made her this way in order to keep peace and keep the men from killing their young by being able to explain the nature of children to the "beast"...lol.   Without that loving emotional nature she has.....men do not become healthy men either.    At the same time GOD also created men in a very specific and special way.....and that is determined by no mistake.   It's a balancing act through out life....but God made no mistakes in either of us.  What happened is that we stopped seeing those GIFTS in our partners as GIFTS.....but instead judging them as faults.   

 

Luv

I dont' think all women are this way.....but I guess you know that.   I remember talking to my Ex brother in law about this with my husband present....because he was pouring his heart out about his recent divorce.    And some critical things that I think are a misunderstanding by couples who are married is that men really desire and need to be sexually wanted.....by their wives.    And a good helping of lusting after him never hurts......we ALL are like this when we are healthy people.....Women do forget this sometimes, I've seen it happen.    But husbands want to be wanted.....I BELIEVE sometimes more than women do.  Especially as a man ages, becomes a father and so on......just as much as any woman alive.

 

Often times sex is seen and looked at as if it's some kind of "favor" a woman is doing for him......and that can be deadly to a marriage.....nothing worse than "pitty sex" given to anyone.   And men are smart enough to know when they are getting just that.

 

But then again,.....maybe the dress up and strip down show with all the fuss is kind of hindered for a woman who desires deeply to do this for her man.....because he's fasinated with other women on tv.....or some magazine......just about anything that objectifies females in order to insult the living breathing woman that she is.......

 

The thing is sex needs to be less taboo for women to aggressively get involved in.....and men probably should express how much he misses being desired too......maybe a little communication and letting down of pride(s) would help.

 

Luv

sexy is as sexy does......and it's all in the preparations....lol

 

Women have become very overwhelmed I think....and sex becomes just another chore....something on the bottom of the list of stuff to do.

 

No it should not be that way at all....but fact is.....WE make it that way.   That's why the relationship has to be maintained with care.  Dating once weekly and giving plenty of time for prepping for that date is really  nice too.  Kids ARE secondary to the marriage......that's real and truth.......

 

No man ever complained about floors not being washed or dishes in the sink if he's getting giggy in the bedroom.   It's about prioritizing life and doing what's important.    And if sex is not important to you....then something is wrong.    And the entire family suffers for that too.....NOT just the husband.  

 

Men AND women who have sex often.....don't complain as much, are less stressed, have better diets, skin and all around healthier lifestyles.     All in all.....sex is the gift God gave us in order to fall in love and STAY in love.    It's as much MINE (women) as it is men's.    I should "take it" and get it when ever possible.....and the more surprise there is....the better it is too.    This way the entire family....even the kids......reap the rewards.

 

Luv