Topic : Pornography

"I am Not by any means a prude and i will give it up to him even when i am sick if that is what he wants. my daughter is 17 months old  and this has been going on up until i threw out all of the porn in the house and took his account off of the computer and made my password protected. He has been doing better and our sex life is progressing to what it was before baby."

so, you threw out all the porn he had and took his account off the computer and changed the password ?? WOW.  your not his wife, i think your his mother !  remember, he already has one of those and doesnt need another one!  what right do you have to throw out his porn stash, remove his computer account and change the password so he can't get in ??? who are YOU to do all these things???? general zod ??  if you didn't want porn in your life, WHY did you marry him? and if during the marriage you decided out of thin air that porn wasn't thrilling or fun for you anymore, then WHY didnt you divorce him? if you had, then porn would of BEEN out of your life and he could of stayed the same person that YOU married and fell in luv with! 

you remind me of another poster that did this very same thing. and umm, its "not working for her" (as doc phil would say ). her husband still looks at porn, even more so than ever before and he doesnt care that she knows- in fact, he lets her know when he uses every chance he gets lol. then you go on to say that he's "doing better" and that your "sex life is progressing"... he's doing better ??? huh? he's "doing better" because YOU took the porn away. you took the porn away, but you didnt take away his desire to wanna use it. in fact, you might of made it even worse now. just because you dont see him using it, doesnt mean he's not using it or not thinking about it !

what you did was treat him like a baby. and here your thinking you did such a great thing- by controlling him and keeping certain things away from him the way a parent would keep certain dangerous things away from a lil kid. word: your husband is an ADULT and can make HIS OWN decisions! think about it:  he didn't CHOOSE to stop using porn, YOU made that choice FOR HIM and in doing that, you FORCED porno sobriety on him. you cant keep it away from him forever!!!! and umm, whats gonna happen when he goes out somewhere else (unless you put a GPS in his car ) like to somebodys house or if he goes to the store and sees or buys a porn mag? what if what you did drives him to go to strip clubs and other places since he cant see the kinda sex (porn ) that he wants to see at his own house?!?

if forcefully taking his porn away makes you feel better inside, more in control of him and is making your sex life "progress", then i guess thats all good....for YOU.  but whether this parenting skill that you used on him makes him feel better inside, makes him feel more in control of his own mind, fantasies & actions and is making his sex life "progress", i'd have to say I DOUBT IT. that is sooo messed up, what you did. reading your post about what you did to your husband is making me understand more and more why most husbands go to porn and keep using it . this ain't a diss on you, k? its just how i feel and how i see it. 

please be careful.

okay?

consists of thousands of books.........on all subjects. When the basement is finished (which may be a long time) half of it will house these books. I also often visit large book stores and spend hours sitting and reading on various subjects. no need to tell me anything about availability on what is out there. i am sure i am better read then most out there.

there also is a difference between reading something and using what you read in your life. The book "relationship rescue"  would not agree with this statement. "I believe it equitable for the other to hold up their responsibilities while they expect me to."

You sherk your responsibilities when you turn to porn. You sherk your responsibilities when you are not honest with your wife.

you just said that the fantasies in porn are things that go way above and beyond what is comfy for women. are you talking about anal sex ? becuase if you are, it only hurts the first time its done to you (think about the first time you had sex. it hurt, didnt it ?) then after that it feels good. and if your talking about threesomes, dp or other kinda stuff, well i think most husbands dont want to actually try them things with there wives. i would think most husbands would wanna try boy on girl kinda stuff.

and if some women think some of their husband's fantasies go way above and beyond what they feel comfy doing (boy on girl stuff ONLY ), then maybe they should TRY IT first, before making judgement calls or decisions on not wanting to try it !!

somehow, darcylove (and this ain't a diss, k? plz dont be sensitive about this ) when i read your post that you want "happy and fulfilling" sex, it didnt really sound to me that your the kinda wife that luvs gettin her freak on wicked hot with her guy when he isnt expecting it. it sounded more like you like the standard way of having sex:  him doing foreplay on you-missionary (or possibly on top ) position-he comes-then he cuddles you.  then you said that you meant that "both spouses get something out of it". well umm, jus because he comes, it DOESNT mean he's getting out of it what YOUR getting out of it !!!!  do you understand what i mean???

having "hot and exciting sex" (as you called it lol) should NEVER leave the other with damage... "damage"?? what kinda damage are you referring to?  i dont believe any husband would wanna live out his "hot and exciting" sexual fantasies that would "damage" (?) his wife.  if its damaging to her, then its damaging to HER, not damaging in and of itself. and if its damaging to her and she won't ever ever let her husband live out that fantasy with her, then thats just too bad- for him.

i'm curious tho.......what sex acts that are in porn (boy on girl ONLY!) that you think are or could be "damaging" to a wife?? we've already covered the anal aspect of sex, so you cant use that as an example. and if your talking about fisting, then yea, even i think thats wayyy over the top. but, since most husbands arent interested in that (thats mostly lezbos that do that kinda thing ) anyways, then there's 2 things that are off the list....

im curious because if you go on to make a statement like this: "Too many have asked for sexual fantasies that are above and beyond what they feel comfortable doing. and often porn displays fantasies that are unrealistic for someone to feel good about." , then some peoples are gonna want an explanation or gonna want for you to give some examples, yknow ?

here's another one:

for men:    porn = lazy sex 

for women: wives laying in bed at night waiting for their husbands to initiate hot wicked sex every single time = lazy sex

see? told ya there was a balance to the sexes  ;)

I agree with you to some degree.....every woman who's had this problem inside her marriage would just "love" for her man to just decide one day that's it's not worth hurting his marriage and happily give up the porn sources all by his self.....BUT that does not often happen.

You ask "why didn't you just divorce him".....and that's easier said than done.  Especially with children involved.  No one should just decide...."ooops, he's looking at porn,.....find a divorce attorney"....that's not the solution either.    Nor does it have to be.

But if I were living with someone who had this problem.....then that makes this my marriage too...and my home.  And I can actually make the choice of what I will ALLOW inside my home and my marriage too.    No one should have to take this back seat to this and just put up with it until the partner who is doing the deed makes his own decision to not harm his marriage.   What if he's addicted to this stuff.....do you then just wait this out and let him decide what's good for the both of you?   NO....you can't.    Why make this easy for anyone to continue to hurt a person.  If an alcoholic is drinking.....then you sure don't keep booze under the kitchen sink and just "hope" they don't get to it......they will.

I don't know who you wrote this too exactly....haven't been around here too much lately....but everyone's situation is different.    And just as his choice is to seek porn....it's as much HER choice to throw it out of her house and her marriage too.....and just as she could have divorced him....he has the choice to make also....if she doesn't like his porn use and he wants to continue to harm his marriage....then be a damn "big boy" about it and get divorced, live alone, and don't create more children if he can't be happy with the woman he chose and her beliefs about this.....

Tell him to get an attorney and take this to court and tell the judge that the reason he's getting divorced is because "my wife doesn't like me getting off by looking at young girls 1/4 of her age"..."duh, judge I just can't understand that"........duh

Luv~

Not trying to get into your beef with Darcy...Dakota.....but I think most adults can and often do imagine what they would like or dislike when it comes to sex.   Often times a lot is left out simply because of the "taboo" of the act....and until something is tried then no one can really say or know what is "damaging" to the partner....but it doesn't take experience to know that some things can and will "hurt" you physically.     One thing you mention is that "once you've done the anal thing...it only hurts the first time"......sorry, that's not at all the truth either.    So knowing that.....there is not much weight in some things you are saying here.    Although I totally get your point, and would have said, even asked Darcy, some of these same things about specifically what she's referring to....the graphics could have been left out.    Or did you feel this would make you appear "sexy" or hotter, or more porn influenced than most???

Like was said many times before.....there is nothing inside the world of porn that normal everyday loving married people do all the time.....no porn required for teaching either.....

When I think of some of this you wrote.....I think of the fact that porn is not always reality, nor is the after effects ever shown on the flick......nor is there any discussion of the literal damage that some of these "acts" have done......talk to a few nurses and docs who have seen some "victims" in the emergency rooms.....lol....there's some graphics for ya.

Luv~

sometimes things are said just as loud by what is not said.    Leaving something out doesn't take away from the words that were said either.   There are just some personal situations that you can read and see that the person doesn't need to be beaten down any further than they already are......I understand that takes time and wisdom to see that in other's writings......

Making anyone totally regret sharing their feelings or personal experiences here should not be anyone's goal.  Not towards Allinall from Darcy.....or your attack on this person either.    The same words don't have to be used to get across the same insults.   It's all the same.....hurtful.

Luv~