Topic : Pornography

okay, I agree with what your saying here, but I guess we differ because I think instead of fighting porn, it would be better to help people maintain healthy lifestyles, and not let things like that get out of control.  I don't think porn itself is bad, but there are alot of bad things that go along with it.  There is tasteful porn that has its aesthetic value, just shots of models who actually want to show their beautiful bodies off.  There are lots of lonely men out there, that may never get a chance at all to see beautiful women's bodies like that.  Its in our nature for us to desire to look at that.  Appreciating a beautiful womens body doesn't make a man view any woman as a sexual object, but it canhelp influence it, because thats what a model mostly is, an object of beauty, they present their bodies as objects.  What I don't think is right, is for these models to get paid to have sex with other people.  I think thats prostitution, and it doesn't have to be like that.  Why can't people just get off to soft porn, that way actresses don't actually have to have sex.  I'm here to debate the ethics of it, so I can understand whatabout it is right or wrong.  So far, I decided that it would only be right for me to enjoy use of soft porn, when I'm not involved with anyone.  Thats where I'm at now, if you think I should never use porn ever again under any circumstances, then we could debate why you think it is wrong.

 Appreciating a beautiful womens body doesn't make a man view any woman as a sexual object

 

any should really be every, the guy is viewing the model as a sex object, but that doesn't mean it will automatically carry over to him viewing all women as sex objects.  Just the ones that are presenting themselves as sex objects.

Now see, if you have ever once read the "past" of this board you would see that I have never once said "band porn"....not because I don't want that (I wish) but it's purely impossible.  At least not in the life we all enjoy in the here and now, but surely it will be "gone" eventually.....bet my life on that one.

 

What I have ALWAYS promoted here is that porn should not be a necessity in any marriage.  If you go back to many of the archives that is what you will see that I promote.  I don't care the "type" of porn it is...it "can" be harmful to a marriage, well, simply because eventually it can, there is that possibility within a marriage, relationship.   That is what I have always said.

 

I also have always said that women, in particular, that are "in favor" of porn use...have a motive to that acceptance.  And believe me, there is a motive behind that.  I will get into that when I have more time.   But, some underlying reason is there.  What is amazing is that "other women" don't think woman realize this and call those "against" porn prudes or insecure.  When it is very much the opposite of that......it's about believing that without porn men can't be faithful....it's about beleiving that with out porn being the "only" woman can't possibly be enough in a long term relationship....and that's hog wash.  

 

There is something called "soft porn" but it makes no difference, because any porn leads to other situations eventually.   And the porn industry depends on that happening.  What I can't stand is something so powerful having so much control over our society.   Something they depend on to keep making billions off of people. 

 

I simply do not believe that porn is necessary in life, any life.  Because I live that everyday....and I believe in a truly happily sexually fulfilled marriage/relationship we are in charge of and should take full charge and responsibility to having and keeping a fully charged, exciting and healthy sexual life....and it's possible...completely without porn.    Sexual inhibitions are a problem, and porn is NOT the solutions.   Secrectiveness from a partner is a problem....porn is NOT the answer.

 

And you will notice I keep referring to this as in marriage/relationships....so get that please.

 

And why do I believe it's wrong?  Because it degrades sex and people.  It's morally wrong and against everything that God intended as a gift to us to be violated and completely missed out on when we involve immorality in our relationships.  Purely, it's sex outside our committed relationships...whether that be in the mind or flesh.....that does not matter.   Your partner should be enough....as YOU should be enough.

 

Luv

When you have the time, email me okay? I've thought of something that I want to do to help people with this issue. It's along the lines of what we talked about the other day. I want to know your opinion of it.   ;-)

 

 

    
What is it that you have in mind?

If you like....email me too:

bmoreselfish@gmail.com

I really must get ahold of her as it appears someone is using her name.

How do you help women who are addicted to pornography? That is... the women who haven't been sexually abused, or virgins who are simply trying to validate themselves?

Addictions, weather it be gambling, alcohol, drugs, pornography, shopping, eating, whatever it is share a lot of similar traits, and treatments. The first thing to do about an addiction is to recognize the addiction for what it is. If you are the one with the addiction, making a statement like "how do you help women who are addicted to pornography" tells me that you recognize it as an addiction for you. If it is a friend or family member you are speaking of, then it is a little harder, due to the fact that it means sitting them down and pointing out tangible examples of how the addiction is causing problems in their life. For an example, I have noticed many times you will for go outings with friends and family to instead view pornography, and because of that people are not asking you to join them much any more, and it is leading to you becoming more isolated and cut of from the world, I am worried about you. That is an example, as i do not know any history of the person you are speaking of so can not really come up with an example that pertains to your situation.

Talking with the person in this way, with the spirit of compassion and the intent to help is definatly the way to go. We do not want to preach at them from a moral hill top, as they will simply shut us out and render us ineffective as a helper.

They may deny or get angry for you brining these things to their attention, but remain calm, and let them know it is because you care about them and sincerely want to help them that you are brining it up, not to cause them pain, but to let them know you see a problem and you want to be someone they can come to when they are ready to deal with it.

That is first and foremost, what needs to happen they have to first see they have a problem and have become addicted.

This is speaking soley about addictions, women do not have to be sexually abused, or virgins to become addicted, addictions know no boundarys and care not about economics, race, or gender, or spiritual views.

In any event i jope what I have shared gives you a stepping stone to begin dealing or helping the person that you care about that has become addicted.

Hugs

Tammy

 

 simply trying to validate themselves

If sex is the way one feels the need to validate themselves by, it's the wrong way. It's the same as feeling one is not validated unless someone loves them. Everyone wants to be loved and to love. However to rely on an outside source to be validated by is going to cause some real problems.

If one feels they may be addicted to porn they have to inspect themselves to discover why that outside source is so very important.

Is it an addiction or is it just something percieved to be needed to fill a hole is the question to be asked...and answered honestly.

why do you need to help them, why do you ask?  What makes you think they need help?