Topic : Pornography

Men and women define some of the important versus the unimportant issues of life differently. To what point do we just acquiesce to become a mirror of the others expectations of us?

So changing/stopping/eliminating the actions that causes hurt to another, let’s test out a scenario to see how far we ourselves are willing to go to stop whatever the other sees as hurt to them. All in the name of love of course:

Dear, I would like to present a proposal of conduct that is fair to each. If either of us has an issue with the other that causes us hurt, feeling(s) of rejection, desertion, being cheated out of or on, or any feelings of discomfort in any way, the one perceived to be causing the feeling(s) will just stop doing or acting in such a manner. If the one perceived to be causing the hurt feelings believes it is caused by medical reasons they, will get whatever medical exams necessary to discover the cause and follow whatever treatment(s) or therapies required to eliminate the problem. If it is believed to be a natural male or female way of acting they will seek therapy to eliminate that belief structure. The only reason the cause of the perceived issue will be tolerated will be when there is a medical diagnosis that the problem can’t under any circumstance be changed, altered or eliminated. Now, with complete honesty you tell me whatever it is that I do that causes you the slightest discomfort or hurt and I will change it or seek the means necessary to change to the way you want me to be and conduct myself. Then it will be my turn for the same. In this way we can come to complete love and caring for each other.

Before I get all the negative responses please take the time to deeply think about how far we ourselves are really willing to go to change in order to meet the expectation(s) of what the other believes we should be. When it comes to true love, isn’t what and whom we are completely dependant upon the other’s view of us?

Back in the day when my husband was using porn and i was so young and so desperately trying to figure it all out.....that porn was a way to spice up our relationship in bed. Maybe i did ....maybe i didn't believe this...i am not sure. I was just trying to contol something i couldn't.

Now when i look back....I regret ever having brought it into our bedroom. ANd for many reasons. for one.....it didn't change anything. Actually it made things worse because it somehow gave him the notion that I approved of him viewing porn. secondly....he often would watch the porn with me....watch it again on his own and often would beat off to it many times in the days to come. third....it left me wondering if I could do all that I saw in porn....or if I measured up to it all when I couldn't possiby do all that.

Most women I have met on here in the last couple years....that have tried using porn in their bedroom....came to regret it later in life. Most women who thought it was okay for their men to use it....came to regret it later in life. WHy.....because what they once believed would just be a small factor in their husbands lives....became a controlling factor. These women all speak from experiences and have come a long way in growing.

So when I see some young married couple spicing things up with porn....I laugh and say...."they too will come to think differently."  When I see someone who has been married for a whole 3 minutes ....talking about how great their sex lives have become because of porn.....I again laugh and know that this too will come crashing down. It seems it always does. Now I know some of you will say ..."not me."  you just wait....You just wait.  The day will come....

SO if you really want to spice things up....why don't you try to fantasize together. DO things together! Are your imaginations and brains that turned off?  Do you not know each other?  Do you not care enough about each other to figure it all out? Since when is sex....between two people and everyone who wants to watch? Is nothing sacred? Do we really believe that this is what God had intended for sex to be? I don't think so....but then maybe some don't believe in God? Or maybe some just choose to ignore him when it comes to sex.

Just my two cents!

You're correct when you say that there is no way to live a pure life.  You're also correct when you say that no matter what decision you make to do a particular activity, your decisions will always inadverdently effect someone else.  Not to trivialize the code of monogamy which men should honor with their wives (and visa versa); but it's my belief that with the way the media is in our society presently and the way porn, promiscuity and adultery have permeated our homes, jobs and lives - there are alot WORSE things husbands could be doing instead of looking at pictures of naked women or video clips of them in his own home!  Women simply do NOT understand the temptations men face EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Even when a marriage is at it's optimum level of happiness and sexual satisfaction - there STILL are times when a husband can be tempted to touch or kiss upon another... believe me, it's happened to me many times during the course of my marriage.  And many times I've had to gather up all the strength and resolve that I had within me to NOT go through with it.  Not only because I love her, but because I feel she deserves the same faithfullness from me that I want and expect from her. So, when a man chooses to be faithful to his wife, he knows that he can never ever touch or do anything else physical or emotional with another woman.  Men marry and honor their marriage vows because they feel that this one woman is WORTH it for them to forever relinquish all other chances of being sexual with beautiful and compatible females.  But in husbands doing this, it is then the wife's responsibility to honor her marriage vows and realize that since her husband will ONLY have THEM as a sexual partner for the life of the marriage - she should be prepared to avail herself physically and emotionally for sex with him throughout the life of the marriage.  Also knowing since her husband's first attraction to her was for her physicality, that she should strive to maintain her figure and her sexual attractiveness for him as men are highly (almost chronically) visual.  She should also be prepared to be willing to experiment with him sexually as there are probably many things he would like to try to do with her and to her during lovemaking.  The problem with this is, ALOT of women either lack one or two of these three things...and sometimes lack all of them!  Women expect men to give up ALOT when they request of him to NOT look at other women and to NOT to look at porn or go to strip clubs, etc.  Just because we are in LOVE with the woman of our dreams, doesn't mean we lose ALL desire to look at other beautiful women!  My point being this:  (not to make it sound like she should be 'grateful' because he doesn't commit adultery or engage in immoral internet activity with other women) IF the WORST a husband EVER does in his marriage is look at porn (AND as long as he DOES satisfy her sexually and loves her dearly), then...the wife should consider herself very fortunate!  It may not seem this way to women and they may get defensive, but it's the God's honest truth.  But when these same wives then restrict (& oftentimes remove) the ONLY means of his looking at other women that he has, then one of only two things will happen.  He will either HONOR her wishes and will wish he could do it....OR....he'll just DO it.  And if his resentment for her grows - then he may commit actual adultery.  Not saying women should just acquiesce their husband's porn usage...just saying there ARE WORSE things he COULD be doing.  My opinion only.               

I've got to tell you, sandman, you're the only man I've ever encountered who professes to feel so strongly about his right or need to look at other women. And I've been around the block a few times. I've had two husbands and several boyfriends and numerous male friends who have treated me like one of the guys. I've been totally upfront with every man I've given my heart to about my feelings about pornography . . . and not a single one of them ever objected to giving up porn for me. Actually, my current husband is the only one who would probably say that he's never had any moral qualms over pornography and has just given it up because this pleases me and he likes the way pleasing me makes him feel. The others all practically thanked me for suggesting to them that they make me they're only sexual outlet, as if they had just been waiting for some woman to come along and say, "Hey, I'm here and I'm all for you, but I'm all you can have!" In fact, my first husband said that looking at pornography had always made him feel guilty and the guy I dated for three years after him said that he had gone to a strip club once but that the whole experience embarrassed him. So I think you need to keep your opinion about the necessity of being able to look at other women sexually in perspective. Perhaps it's a huge sacrifice for you not to go to strip clubs or to not act on sexual impulses with other women, but the sacrifice isn't quite that great for a lot of guys. And honestly, if I thought that not looking at porn or going to strip clubs came as a huge sacrifice for my husband, I wouldn't have married him because I wouldn't have had any faith in his ability to continue to refrain from doing those things. And as for temptation, women get tempted, too, you know. Men hit on me, I'm sure, as often as women hit on you. I just don't respond to it. I don't allow it to even reach that point where I might have to use some will power to turn down a kiss. Hell, I don't even allow men to buy drinks for me because there's no point in leading them on. I'm a married woman and I can pay for my own drinks. My husband has gained forty pounds since we got married and, as we've discussed, I'm the one with the higher sex drive. Still, I have no desire to look outside our marriage for sexual titillation or fulfillment. Hmmm.....