Topic : Pornography

Actually I think it's a little bit of both.  For one, he is in utter denial about his sexual orientation - and two, I have a feeling that if SHE's the one who leaves HIM FIRST, then it'll simply be his word against hers regarding why the marriage is in dissolution.  And in my opinion, she DESERVES alimony for all the hurt and bullshit he's putting her through!  If my male friends could hear me now lol, but it's how I feel.  Since he isn't even admitting what he is (gay/bi) and how he's treating her through all of this, then imagine when court day comes!  He can make up any story he likes about HER and IF the judge BELIEVES him, then she'll wind up with almost nothing AND being the one at fault for the impending divorce.  Normally I'm usually on the man's side in this issue, but after reading her post, I definitely know that HE'S the one with the SERIOUS problem and therefore, SHE should be monetarily compensated for the dreams and love that HE caused her to lose in their marriage.   

But, it IS always up to the woman!  This is what you're not getting.  And why does HE have to approach YOU and whisper things in YOUR ear or touch YOU in a certain way to turn you on????  Men ALSO like being approached sexually and if we aren't approached enough then we think, "What's the point?  I know when I touch HER that I can get things going...but, doesn't she want ME too?  Since she obviously DOESN'T want me or doesn't want to make an effort on seducing me as much as I seduce HER, then I guess I'll just sit at the computer and PRETEND that all these hot women are trying to seduce me - that's probably the best sex or seduction I'll ever get..."  You may have just said what you said in your post as an example and aren't this way; but ALOT of women ARE this way.  They lay there and expect to be romanced and 'taken'....yet their men also sit there and wait to be romanced and seduced - which hardly EVER happens, especially after many years of marriage have passed.  When did we EVER have the power sexually?  WHEN did MEN EVER have the say or the decision as to how much sex is had in the marriage?  Besides Lilacmess's husband, MOST men DO NOT EVER have ANY say or POWER as to how often they actually GET sex from their wives.  Women KNOW that they have this power; and to me, it is sheer manipulation (almost akin to witchcraft) on their part that they take advantage of this and wield it like a child with his dad's gun. 

Hi. Sandman....you ask why is it that it is the man has to be the one to ask? I think that is totally dependant on the two people involved. All the right man has to do is touch me the right way...gentle..you can feel his honesty in his touch. I think it is totally sad that you feel it is up to the man to make the moves and all a woman has to do is sit back and receive. Good sex is when all those involved are really into it. So so sex is when it is done because it feels good but it's not necessarily the way, or with whom you really want it to be with. IE.....fantasy. I had a half bottle of homemade red wine and I am feeling a little armorous. I apologize for putting this out there. But my toughts are that of being with someone that I feel really hot with, and lusting. Anything less then that is not good enough. Flipping on a porn, using toys right now, will not satisfy the hunger. It takes real flesh and blood to  do that for me. I guess it's really a matter of being on the same page. Porn. No porn. When the chemistry is there , it's there. A few glasses of wine, some good food, and candles.......yet, I will fall asleep and tomorrow will be another day. Why is there no romance?Why is it that after working our asses off all week, all we are good for is a peck on the lips and a subtle goodnite? I am sorry. But the passion, lust, desire, dissapates when you know the man you long for is lusting after strangers. Many strangers. Why is it wrong for the woman of the man that uses porn to get her needs met? It's not wrong. But it's not right for a marriage. Then is porn?

I just want to give a shout out to all those that keep this board rockin' and rollin'. On a lite note, I am wishing you all, and everyone, a wonderful saturday and my wish for all of you is that you are safe, happy and 'not sexually frustrated'>>>>>>joke. Laughing yet????? Be good. Kimi

Sorry, Sandman, I missed your post... I'm new on here, and don't always catch things.

After denying that he had videos at all, guess what ?  He came home with a NEW one last night    :~(

<Emm>

:~(

I was very surprised by your last post.  WHY do you think that the man always has to approach the woman for sex?  Everyone knows that a certain touch, look or words spoken can get a woman going.  But, as I've stated in my other post, why won't women take that same initiative?  Why won't THEY approach their HUSBANDS with that certain touch, look or sexy whispers?  This is 2005, not a hundred f*ing years ago where the women just laid there and expect to be coddled, pampered, chased after and seduced.  Don't get me wrong - we LOVE doing this.  BUT, we also love it being done TO us as well.  So, if the woman wants to be lazy (Lilacmess, you're excluded from this lol) and just wait for sex, then we'll get lazy too.  And if they keep on behaving this way, then we can (& DO) look in other places to HAVE someone else seduce US (even if it's just a sexy pic of a woman giving a come-hither stare).  The sexy women in porn KNOW how to seduce men by the way they look at the camera and their body language.  How many wives can honestly say they actually LOOK at their men in this way and have the body language to go along with it?  Not very many, I suspect. Anyway, if you really believe that it's up to the husband to always get things going with his wife, then maybe this is why your husband uses porn.  He may simply WANT to be SEDUCED.

Really? A new video, eh? Wow. A video of women or men & women is one thing...but a video of all men is totally messed up. He must not be AWARE of the fact that you KNOW where he stashes his video collection. Or...he MIGHT be! I'm not sure I understand why he's denying where the videos came from if you TOLD him you saw them! But in either case, the fact that you're aware that he purchased yet ANOTHER video indicates to me that he DOES NOT care about your feelings OR his marriage. He's so totally fixated on looking at men having sex with other men (damn, thats just f*d up) that it has a very strong hold over him. Plus he knows he'll probably NEVER have the opportunity to actually BE with another man - so this is probably his only outlet for his gay tendencies. If you can't save the videos he's purchased because he might hide them somewhere else, write down (Yes, WRITE them down) ALL the titles of the videos he's purchased. You need to somehow retain proof of what he's buying and looking at. Also make COPIES of his credit card statements (if he uses it to buy these videos). You can also purchase spyware for your computer so it can record all the gay sites he's been visiting. This situation you're in has to be totally throwing you for a loop! Remain strong and hang in there, because when you finally do decide to LEAVE, this nightmare you're experiencing will be OVER. You'll be heartbroken and mourning over lost dreams, true - but with time, you'll heal.  Then you can start your life over and find a REAL MAN who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.

Yes, I do know where he keeps them... I damn near had a heart attack when I found the Grandpa's Gone Bi one...but the new one scares the hell outta me.  Not only is it men, but on the cover, it's men TIED up....

I'm going to stay at a friend's house for the night...I'll be back here in a bit

:~(

<Emm>

Speaking of keeping the board rocking: My husband logged on to Dr. Phil last night just to take a look at the new  message board format I've been complaining about and clicked on my screen name and "other posts from this member" just so he could throw it in my face, how many posts I've put up since the boards reopened. He says Dr. Phil needs a board for people to discuss their unhealthy obsession with Dr. Phi message boards. What do you think?