Quote From: mouse22I'm very glad to see that this issue is being addressed on the show. I was homeschooled for 12 years and have had a lot of opportunities to observe what happens to homeschooled kids who, like me, have become adults. Here is what I would like to say:
1) I don't think it's fair for anybody to say that homeschooling is, or is not, THE right way to educate kids. It's as individual a decision as the kids themselves, and needs to be made on a case-by-case basis.
2) If you think that isolating your kids to protect them from bullies, or bad teachers, or bad experiences, or peer pressure, is going to make them better at life, consider that it's going to be extremely tough for them to survive in the cut-throat, competitive, mean world that we live in if they're not prepared with some prior experience and social skills and emotional toughness. It's harsh, but it's a fact. Better to let them try and fail and experience a bit of temparary pain while they're still young and they have you to guide them through it, than to wait until they are away from you without your advice, and far too old to be going through these things for the first time, at that. And they will be forced to separate from you at some point- you cannot shelter them forever.
3) Consider that teachers are trained to recognize and address problems with learning, like learning disabilities. You love your kids very much, and believe that you're giving them an advantage over kids who go to public school and have so many issues there. But you may not be able to successfully recognize a learning disability, or know how to handle it.
4) Even if your kids do participate in extracurricular activities, there is still an us-vs.-them culture in homeschooling that inevitably exists, because the kids know that they are different and their situation is different from other people their age who go to public or private schools. If this is not handled carefully, it could lead to inferiority or superiority complexes. Also, if you do homeschool your kids, don't expect that just because they are involved in extra-curriculars, they will be well-rounded. It's still possible to be in these activities with other homeschool kids but be isolated from the real world.
5) As far as safety in schools- I think that most of the time, the stuff in the news is the exception rather than the rule, and it's important not to get fixated on it, in my opinion. I think it's like letting the bad guys win, if you let them scare you so badly that you are not able to let schools do what they are supposed to do, and be environments where kids learn how to be successful people. And even if you did homeschool your kids because the schools were dangerous, this would not guarantee that something terrible wouldn't happen somewhere else. I'm not saying that all schools are wonderful, safe places, or that I wouldn't even keep my kids out of some schools because they are so bad, but there has to be another solution than just withdrawing and isolating.
6) I'm not so sure about so-called child-directed learning, I think it would be great for improving/facilitating creativity, but one would have to be careful that there was balance. There is a place for alternative methods to teaching, but this has to be balanced with making sure that the kids can actually do math and write well and most importantly function in life successfully, considering that there is competition in the workplace and in society in general. It's just the way things are.
7) I also went through a period when I felt "socially retarded", and among my homeschooled friends, I have found that it's fairly common in one form or another- sometimes they don't always recognize it in themselves, but it's there. We homeschooled kids seem pretty aware that we are different, how could we not be. We just have varying degrees of feeling bad about it, and it manifests itself in some people differently than others. I went though a lot of pain when I reached early adulthood, because I had to deal with a lot of things that most people my age had dealt with for the first time in junior high or high school. I'm not saying that it's not possible to absolutely LOVE being homeschooled, or to have had terrible experiences in public or private school and found that homeschooling is your lifesaver... but the flip side of that is that being sheltered and relatively isolated has its own share of very serious problems. Parents may find it's easier to raise and control their kids when they are home all the time, away from peer pressures, etc., ...but the kids are the ones who will untimately deal with the consequences if they are unable to cope later on with the realities of independence and adult life away from their parents.
8) Homeschooling sets up an environment where the parents have total control, 24/7. Think about this. Without any outside influences or information, how would a child even know that they were being mistreated or possibly even abused? Of course, this depends on the degree of isolation, but still, the potential for abuse is huge. Being around family members 24/7 is stressful, any honest person would admit that. I am NOT saying that all homeschool families are abusive! But it's just something to be aware of, and think about long and hard before making any decisions about whether to do it.
9) There are the homeschooled kids who are enormously successful academically, who do well in school, have high IQ's, and go on to get full-rides scholarships to top universities, and I think it's wonderful and I say more power to them. But academics are not everything, and just because some kids do really well academically doesn't mean that others or even they themselves, don't struggle with social issues. Just something to think about, that's all.
Thanks for listening to my opinions.
I think the smartest thing you said is that it is no ones place to say that homeschooling is, or is not, right for each person, but you sure did bash homeschooling. When you wrote about bullies and having to deal with them when you get older, I think you are terribly misinformed as to what bullies do in public schools. You were not there. Bullies had my son so miserable that he no longer wanted to live. He wrote me notes everyday of how much he hated school. After trying to resolve these issues at the school level, he is now homeschooled. He is happy again. I rather have a happy child that will miss the inappropriate social skills that the public school offers than have a miserable child. And, just a note, I never saw an adult pick on someone else the way that kids pick on their peers.
Parents want the best for their children, but what’s the best way to educate them? Dr. Phil’s guests face off in a debate about whether to school, homeschool or unschool. Dana and her husband, Joe, call themselves radical unschoolers. They say education happens as a side effect of life, and they don’t believe in tests, curriculums or grades. Are their three kids learning what they need to know? Then, RaeAnn says public schools are death traps and wants to homeschool her children. Her husband, Steve, says their kids are safer at school than they are at home. Can this couple reach a compromise? Plus, Nicole feels like an outcast at 26. She says she hated being homeschooled, and couldn’t relate to other kids. Share your thoughts here.
