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101160

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December 19, 2005, 3:54 pm PST

A little humor among friends.LOL

Twenty ways to confuse Santa Claus Christmas Santa

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("

11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.

17. Leave out a Santa suit, with an attached dry-cleaning bill.

18. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue for personal injury.

19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.

20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us.
Just too funny!!!!lol xox cathy

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kathy_kak

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December 19, 2005, 7:39 pm PST

Hey T!

Quote From: pigmaleyon

I had forgotten what that felt like. ha ha. How ya doin KAK?

T

I left you a reply back at the other site. I see that Loki and Vnoe01 are also signed on. Hee hee

I left private messages for all of you and Shawna too.

Nice to see you again, T. I'll keep all the stuff I know about you private. As if I know very much anyways... : ) kak

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vnoe07

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December 20, 2005, 7:39 pm PST

Good Evening!!!!

Sorry T, missed you again........ :( like Kathy said I have a membership under that board you recommended....same name though, I am just not original.

Missed you too Kelly. I wont bother posting a whole bunch of crap since you probably wont be here to read it...lol.

Cathy - thanks for the great Xmas joke....I'll see what one I feel like doing.

Loki - how is that Mia Jade anyways??? Go on, brag about her...we know you want to. Where are the pics.....??????

Neecie - glad you got your new wheels. Don't you just love that new car smell???? You can never duplicate that. I am so excited for Erin to see that piano...what a great gift. This year I got the girls their first jewellery box and a million other little things. We have a bit of a tight budget this year.

JP - where are you??? I get your emails, but never see you around :(

Tap - whats up????

Hey whats up with any of you?????

Tomorrow we are heading to Rons and will probably be there until Tuesday next week. My parents and my g'ma are coming out for Xmas day and spending the night. It should be interesting.

Found out the other night that my (just turned 16 year old) cousin is pregnant. She has been dating this same guy for some time....first relationship for both of them, I think he may be the same age or a year older. Man oh man!!!!!!!!! I really don't know what to say to her....just give her my love and be there for her. I guess with the way the education is these days, I don't see how this would happen....well I do, but I don't get it. I just hope her 3 older brothers don't beat the crap out of him....lol.

Anyways, I'm not sure if I will get on her before Xmas so I just want to wish you all a very very very Safe and Merry Christmas from all of us.

Love,

Vicki, A & M

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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cygne88

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December 21, 2005, 7:27 pm PST

To all the special People

on this board; Tapestry, Kelly, Trace, Shannon, Kathy, Cathy, Vicki, Neecie, T and Battle, Have yourself a great Christmas!!! Don't drink and drive. Santa's Sleigh Have fun with your children and mind your inlaws. LOL! or as I call them, your outlaws. Santa Sing, dance and stuff yourselves. Then after the holidays, give me all the juice!!! LOL!

I'm spending a quiet Christmas with hubby & son plus one of my outlaws. Everyone has gone separate ways this year. Divorce, travel, death, moving away...oh well, more food for me. It will be a change from last year. I flew back East to be with my parents and sisters. It was fun, but can't afford to do it every year.

If I missed someone's name, Merry Christmas to you as well.

Cygne

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101160

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December 21, 2005, 8:12 pm PST

cygne

Quote From: cygne88

on this board; Tapestry, Kelly, Trace, Shannon, Kathy, Cathy, Vicki, Neecie, T and Battle, Have yourself a great Christmas!!! Don't drink and drive. Santa's Sleigh Have fun with your children and mind your inlaws. LOL! or as I call them, your outlaws. Santa Sing, dance and stuff yourselves. Then after the holidays, give me all the juice!!! LOL!

I'm spending a quiet Christmas with hubby & son plus one of my outlaws. Everyone has gone separate ways this year. Divorce, travel, death, moving away...oh well, more food for me. It will be a change from last year. I flew back East to be with my parents and sisters. It was fun, but can't afford to do it every year.

If I missed someone's name, Merry Christmas to you as well.

Cygne

Hi thank-you for mentioning me in your post.I won't drink and drive.LOL I don't think we talked did we?My memory is fogged.LOL to much shopping i guess.LOL here is a funny version to twelve days of christmas i hope you enjoy.

Hi if you come back tonight read this its so funny,LOL I think you will enjoy it.LOL

Twelve Days of Christmas Warning - Before you send all of the gifts described in the song - "The Twelve Days of Christmas" - read how it can go TERRIBLY wrong... as described by the series of letters from the recipient of such lovely Christmas gifts to the gift-giver...

December 14th

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With dearest love and affection,

Agnes

December 15th

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtledoves. I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

All my love,

Agnes

December 16th

Dear John:

Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist.... you're just too kind.

Love,

Agnes

December 17th

Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You’re being too romantic.

Affectionately,

Agnes

December 18th

Dearest John:

What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,

Agnes

December 19th

Dear John:

When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!

Cordially,

Agnes

December 20th

John:

What's with you and those birds? Seven swans a-swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's bird crap all over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night. IT'S NOT FUNNY. So stop with the birds.

Sincerely,

Agnes

December 21st

OK Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking, but they had to bring their own cows. There is cow poop all over the lawn and I can’t move in my own house. Just lay off me. SMART-ASS!

Ag

December 22nd

Hey Butthead:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers piping. And man do they pipe. They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset are stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours,

Ag

December 23rd

You Rotten Dick:

Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call those women ladies. They've been with those nine pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of cow dung. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm sic'ing the police on you. They know where you are.

One who means it,

Ag

December 24th

Listen, Doormat:

What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and aforementioned "ladies"? Some of those broads will never walk again.

Those pipers ran through the maids and are now after the cows. All 234 of the birds are dead. They have been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.

Your sworn enemy,

Miss Agnes McCallister

December 25th

From the law offices of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers drumming, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy-Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Dewey, Cheatem and Howe
Attorneys at Law

ROFLMAO I hope you enjoy it.xoxox Cathy

December 21, 2005, 7:56 pm PST
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kathy_kak

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December 21, 2005, 11:31 pm PST

Hi Cygne

Quote From: cygne88

on this board; Tapestry, Kelly, Trace, Shannon, Kathy, Cathy, Vicki, Neecie, T and Battle, Have yourself a great Christmas!!! Don't drink and drive. Santa's Sleigh Have fun with your children and mind your inlaws. LOL! or as I call them, your outlaws. Santa Sing, dance and stuff yourselves. Then after the holidays, give me all the juice!!! LOL!

I'm spending a quiet Christmas with hubby & son plus one of my outlaws. Everyone has gone separate ways this year. Divorce, travel, death, moving away...oh well, more food for me. It will be a change from last year. I flew back East to be with my parents and sisters. It was fun, but can't afford to do it every year.

If I missed someone's name, Merry Christmas to you as well.

Cygne

So are you from the East coast? I traveled back to NYC in April, 2002 and this past June. The weather was cold in April but much preferable to June when it was unseasonably HOT! One day it was 90 degrees and 90% humidity - I thought I would DIE! I so much prefer the cold to the heat.

My Christmas is all done as of last Saturday. No more presents, or baking, or anything except singing in the choir on Christmas Eve, for both services, and again on Christmas day PLUS being one of the leads in a Christmas Drama written by one of the ladies at our church.

Her play is entitled "If the Three Wise Men had been Women". I play sister Esther, one of the three nuns. The other two nuns are Leah and Sarah. It's not a funny play but has a few funny moments. I had to make three camels for props - just the heads on top of broom sticks. They look more like horse heads but we are calling them camels anyway. LOL

The New Year should be a bit quieter. Hope we are fully recovered from our colds by then. I still have the cough - a tickle in my throat. I hate that. It's always worse at night. And now here it is around 11:30pm so guess I best get to bed since I have to get up early again tomorrow - by 10am! LOL I usually like to sleep at least until then.

Oh well. I promised a friend I would go someplace with her. She better make it worth my while. ; )

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loretta24

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December 22, 2005, 5:39 am PST

Good Morning!

Hello to everyone here on this board. Heard that those on this board are smart, funny, compassionate and other good things so I thought I would introduce myself. I am normally over on the Current Events board but could use a break from those events about now.

I am a married mom of 3 daughters (8, 6 and 3 ) and I live in the New England area of the US.

Wishing you all a wonderful holiday!

Thanks Tap for the invite!

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neecie24

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December 22, 2005, 8:58 am PST

Loretta

Quote From: loretta24

Hello to everyone here on this board. Heard that those on this board are smart, funny, compassionate and other good things so I thought I would introduce myself. I am normally over on the Current Events board but could use a break from those events about now.

I am a married mom of 3 daughters (8, 6 and 3 ) and I live in the New England area of the US.

Wishing you all a wonderful holiday!

Thanks Tap for the invite!

Welcome to the Animal House! Compliments will definitely get you in good with all of us. ; )

I'm a divorced mom of one daughter (7) and I live in Colorado. I'm a CPA, so my busy season is coming up, for the 19th time!!

It's bound to be a bit quiet here over the holidays, but keep checking back, you're very welcome to become part of our little coffee klatch. Or Wild and Crazy Party. Or Emotional Support Group. Depending on the day.

Neecie

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cygne88

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December 22, 2005, 10:08 am PST

Kathy

Quote From: kathy_kak

So are you from the East coast? I traveled back to NYC in April, 2002 and this past June. The weather was cold in April but much preferable to June when it was unseasonably HOT! One day it was 90 degrees and 90% humidity - I thought I would DIE! I so much prefer the cold to the heat.

My Christmas is all done as of last Saturday. No more presents, or baking, or anything except singing in the choir on Christmas Eve, for both services, and again on Christmas day PLUS being one of the leads in a Christmas Drama written by one of the ladies at our church.

Her play is entitled "If the Three Wise Men had been Women". I play sister Esther, one of the three nuns. The other two nuns are Leah and Sarah. It's not a funny play but has a few funny moments. I had to make three camels for props - just the heads on top of broom sticks. They look more like horse heads but we are calling them camels anyway. LOL

The New Year should be a bit quieter. Hope we are fully recovered from our colds by then. I still have the cough - a tickle in my throat. I hate that. It's always worse at night. And now here it is around 11:30pm so guess I best get to bed since I have to get up early again tomorrow - by 10am! LOL I usually like to sleep at least until then.

Oh well. I promised a friend I would go someplace with her. She better make it worth my while. ; )

Yes I'm originally from the Canadian East coast. I've been on the West coast for 28 years though.

Hey, I used to sing in a church choir when I was 12 for about 5 years. I really enjoyed it. Couple of years ago I sang in a band. That was fun while it lasted. It was just a hobby band and it became a bit of a chore so we decided to disolve it. It was taking up more time than we wanted. People would ask us to do shows and it takes a lot of time to prepare. Our jobs interfered with our fun! Isn't it always the way?

For New Year's Eve we are going to go to a Golf Course Club house where they will serve a gorgeous dinner with live entertainment. Something different to do with our friends. Last year, we spent it alone because our family on the East coast doesn't celebrate New Year's Eve. Go figure!!!

Oh and Loretta, sorry, I forgot to add your name to the wonderful bunch of people on this board. I knew I was forgetting someone important. Merry Christmas to you and yours!!!

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loretta24

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December 22, 2005, 10:29 am PST

Neecie

Thank you for the welcome! The compliments are courtesy of Tapestry, her words over on the Current Events board. From what I have read so far, she hit the nail on the head!

Thanks again and I look forward to getting to know everyone.

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Message Boards

Topic : Is This Normal Social Discussion

A little humor among friends.LOL

Hey T!

Good Evening!!!!

To all the special People

cygne

Hi Cygne

Good Morning!

Loretta

Kathy

Neecie