Topic : Is This Normal Social Discussion

No, I really don't have any regrets. Not of anything that I could control in my life. Definately I have crappy moments that I would change, but if I could have changed them at the time I would have. Those moments involved other people. Namely maturity challenged men. What can I say???! You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him grow up! =P

I do regret that ever started smoking. I regret that I can no longer smoke. I regret that they haven't come up with a way to smoke and it make us all healthier!! =P

LOL, I know only one of those really counts. ;)

Hugs,

~Ami

xoxox

Quit smoking. Well that is the most noble thing I have ever done for me.

I don't think that is the same thing though.

Best thing, really, honestly, the most fun and the best thing with lasting results....well.....I was 28, my hubby had just told me he wanted a divorce. I was afraid, I was alone, I was feeling very overwhelmed and generally like dirt. My self esteem was shot to hell. Because no matter what even when everyone agrees and a marriage fails, it still 'failed' so it hurts. Anyway a friend of mine suggested a trip to the mountains for a weekend to antique shop and I agreed just to get away.

The first night we were there we landed in a dance club and had a blast!! We danced and danced and drank and drank and omg it was so much fun because prim and proper me had not let my hair down in years. I just let go and said f**k it! And by damn I did! LMAO!! He was hot and he was beautiful and he was 19 and it was fabulous!! We stayed in bed the whole freakin' weekend, never did antique shop at all. Funny thing is we talked and talked and talked too, about all kinds of things knowing full well nothing was ever coming of us being together. I was really nice with no pressure at all. Unlike life in general.=P

On Monday we said our good-byes, never looked back and I came back to the real world and tackled the world of single momhood. Something about that weekend made me stronger though, it was good for me if that is possible. I dated one person for the next 15 years and that was John's father. But that one weekend where I didn't give a damn, was the best thing I have ever done for me!

Everything else in my life that I have done for me has been for the benefit of another as well though. That one thing just didn't affect anyone else in my life. ;)

~Ami

xoxox

Lasic surgery, tried to quit smoking, got dentures, tried to quit smoking, had my eyebrows tatoo'd(sp?). I'm so vain!

Went to Alanon and developed strong relationships with women that I hang out with. Big difference in the happy field. Course I'm generally happy anyway, but that really changed my life.

When reading the QOD I thought to myself  "Ya know, you really do spoil yourself." And I do. I pretty much do what I want to do and alot of the time it's nothing. Like cleaning the house once a month or longer. One of the things for this New Year is to get a grip and stop procrastinating and get buisness things done. Stuff I really, really should get taken care of. So now, when I think  "Ya know, I need to do that", I pick up the phone and schedual it. Small steps but finally doing what I shoulda been doing anyway. I think I needed a yr to just have loads and loads of fun. And I did and I've got the pictures to prove it.

It had to be in your off time hon, because they just found it last errr.. must be February or abouts. They were testing for myasthenia gravis which they ruled out but my bloodwork waved a different flag and landed me in the care of a rhuematologist. He told me he didn't think I had lupus but he was pretty sure I had sjogrens (they both have elevated ANA showing in testing). Anyway he ordered more tests, I came home and never thought another thing about it. Then he called me two weeks later and said "ooopps you do have lupus....and you have sjogrens". Anyway I have had so much going on this year it is impossible really in my opinion to tell what is causing what misery. I am just now finding out what is NOT thyroid related now that they just about have it under control. It seems several problems all fighting to rule my body!! lol Anyway each time I see the Dr L (rhuema) I ask him if he is sure I have lupus. Each time he looks back at my tests and says "yes we are sure". <sigh> It sucks, I know that.

So yep I am sure you just were on hiatus is all because it really has not been that long. The last I remember of you, you were still working but just barely I think. Lots of problems...like didn't you break a bone? Ankle or hip or foot or something?? I didn't know you had a lupus either, but then I missed several months there for a while too so maybe I missed when yours was found too?

Wow, I am like you, I don't know anyone else who has lupus, it would be great to compare notes. Matt's girlfriend, well her mother has lupus but I don't know her at all. I have the urge to call her or email but I never have. I would like to talk to someone who can relate. But even better that it be someone I really like! hehe

Btw I am thrilled you are back!! I hope it is to stay!!

Hugs,

~Ami

xoxox

I missed QofD1 so I will answer that quickly too.  There are many things that I wish I had done differently.  Mainly dealing with men and the big one of quitting college.  But then I wonder if any one thing changed I might not have ended up here, where I am right now in life.  And even though it has its ups and downs and sideways, I would not trade the life I have for anything.  I can fix the quitting college thing pretty easily and plan to very soon.

So onto 2, what was the best thing I have done for myself??  Mine is kind of like Ami's without all the great sex with a younger guy.  Damn, now how am I gonna be able to compete with that.  Anyway, quitting smoking is up there on my list.  Plan to start again when I'm 80 or so and don't give a crap,  But like Ami mine involves a trip (without the great sex :P).  Shortly after Katrina I wrote about my trip to New Orleans.  I was in my mid 20s in a luke warm live in relationship.  My self esteem was right next to my self confidence in the toilet.  I had started seeing a therapist and was starting to stand on some wobbly legs.  Friends were going with about 20 other people to Mardi Gras.  I asked if there was room for 1 more and being good friends they made the room.  I traveled alone which was huge for me considering I really don't like flying but do when necessary (this was necessary).  I got myself to the heart of the French Quarter and stood in the midst of the biggest party I had ever seen.  I slept on the floor with a bunch of others and did not care.  I was having the time of my life and for most of it I was pretty sober. 

I never spent much money on myself, therapist helped me to see that I didn't feel good enough about myself to feel like I deserved it.  This trip was the first time that I said the hell with saving everything and actually spent a bunch on me having a kick butt time.  I over came a bunch of fears on that trip.  But I still didn't get to have great sex with a younger hot guy.  Not jealous or anything, well not too much!

I sit here trying to think of something that I have done, just for me....

I quit smoking, but only because I walked around with a blood clot in my lung for 3 mths before the idiots stopped telling me it was phenomia(sp),, so I HAD to quit, I didn't want to at all,,, but when you can't breath, and your in the hospital well....crap what option do you really have??!!  Now, I'm addicted to nicorette gum, 1 1/2yrs on the stuff...Dr asked me Friday if I intended to wean myself off of it....hmmmmm.....doubt it....lol

I need new glasses,,,that would be something for me,,,I guess... I need a couple of partial plates so my teeth don't slip out of place any more than they have already.... that would be something for me...   but it all involves money, and I'm not exactly in a position to come up with any...  so, nope.... done nothing for myself,,,, too busy trying to keep my dysfunctional daughter straight, grandkids out of foster care, and looking after Jacob in the hopes that he comes out somewhat "normal"as he grows older,,, I guess I would have to find out what the heck  normal means first to see if I succeed.....lol

So after I get him grown up and if I'm still lucky enough to be alive,,, then I will take some time and do something for myself,,, thats a promise to myself....lol

So I was gone then,,, I stopped coming on alot just after I was diagnosed cause I found it just to painful to try to type,,, that was in 2005

If my GP Dr. was the type that you could tell her how you were feeling without it being confined to only one symptom.... then she could of connected the dots and I would of been diag. back when I was 20 something...  every time she sees me now, she has guilt writen all over her face ,,

They use to have a support group on town,, but not any more,,, if I had MS or cancer, I could join a group and vent,,, but Lupus isn't high on anyones list,,, its not like I didn't know I was going to die sometime, or other,,,everyone does.... I just don't like a time line.... ya know

We will have to talk...

I just know we are gonna have loads of fun with QOD's... :)

Now the best thing I ever did for myself was meet the girls dad...get my CDL...drive truck...get pregnant...and leave the SOB.  Oh and I quit smoking when I found out I was pregnant.  I have no desire to take that up again.

I don't have much time but I figured I better get on here and see what the haps is!!!

Red...I hope you are able to hang out more.  You were sorely missed!!!

Well pooh it is after mid-night here so I guess we missed a day. Mondays are just a rat race for me. =/

Ok so I was trying to think of some profound cool QOD, I suck at trying to think of one....didn't I say I always ran to the computer to see what it was for the day?? Nowhere did I say I ever posted one...hehe. Ya, so I was thinking and thinking and thought I would ask one of the questions I asked Raj when we were dating.

What is something you are genuinely afraid of?

Ya well Raj's answer "the IRS in a Freddie Kruger kind of way..." Too funny considering he didn't know I was an accountant...one that had never lost an audit in fact....in 27 years at that. =) Of course now I know the 'rest of the story' stink-tail had not filed in 6 years...no damn wonder he was afraid of them. =P Oh well it is history now, and mom and dad paid for it. I am just the skunk that made him come out of hiding...cause gee I file my taxes....doh!

Anyway so I was thinking what am I afraid of....hmmm...

Growing up I was scared to death my parents would divorce....and they did.

My grandparents both died with cancer and I was terrified of getting cancer.....and I did.

When I married the first time, I was terrified of it not working and ending up divorced like my parents....and it didn't and I did.

I was terrified someday I would be a single parent....and I was.

I was scared to death of a house fire...and I had one.

Terrified of a car wreck....and I have had two.

I used to have nightmares that my teeth crumbled up in my mouth and I couldn't stop it, I would wake up crying.....guess what? My new name is Snaggles.

Oh yeah and I was afraid I would have to quit smoking....and I did.

I once was afraid of dying....Hell I once was afraid of living....but I'm not afraid of either. =P

I was afraid of getting old...and fat.....and I am both so no fear of that anymore! =)

I used to be afraid of those crusty thingys on my grandmas feet.....humpf...well now that I have my own they are just not so damn scarey after all. =/ 

Now I am just afraid I might have to eat Raj's cooking all the rest of my days or some such groadyness as that!! ;)

All kidding aside, I guess something I am truly afraid of is a child of mine leaving this world before I do, it just isn't natural. Going blind might be my next biggest fear. They run pretty close.

Hmmm....this subject is kinda yuck. =P Ok so I need to sing a song...."don't worry be happy..." lalalala!!

Ooooh....now you all can really really be scared because me singing is a horror flick! ;)

~Ami

xoxox

PS Btw Trace you didn't answer your own QOD did you???? Sly dog you! ;) hehe