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Topic : Is This Normal Social Discussion

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:19:11 pm
Author : dataimport
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January 31, 2008, 12:25 pm PST

Well

Quote From: mewjag

I do deserve better that is without question. And I never have understood people who stay in misery. What is the point.

 

I have studied long and hard on this and looked at all my options and there are several. One thing I do know and so does he, I am not stuck in a situation that I can't get out of. I have a home, a job prospect and family that would be happy to have back in that neck of the woods. So I have a way out.

 

One thing that all that violent break caused in this house was court ordered counselling for Raj. Those six months (the first few of which all this story took place) have been the best spent six months of that man's life. He has come to terms with a lot of things that were wrong in his life, mind's eye, spiritual self or whatever you want to call it. He had to get to the root of where he learned his attitudes of disrespect and his thoughts of how to treat a spouse and a relationship. It is long and drawn out like all my silly stories, but each week he came in like a kid who had been to a candy store. Each week truly excited about what he had learned about himself. Even the painful things. It was a huge epiphany each week for months and months.

 

He would even ask the boys to join me and him talking so that he could share it all with the family. Much of it was admitting that he was wrong, and more importantly knowing why he was wrong. The man has grown of that I have no question. The only issue really is if it is too little too late. I haven't decided that yet, and he knows this.

 

He wants the marriage to work, he has decided that and he is working toward such. I think that is all the calling in all the time to me about his whereabouts. He is determined to rebuild trust. Of course that will only happen if I decide to care where he is and want to trust him again. I haven't decided that either, and he knows that too. It is not that I am punishing him, it really is that I don't know what I want at this point. As I have said I like what I like and that counts for something. The age old question of does the bad outweigh the good? Also is the past doomed to repeat itself? Some believe like you do that once a cheat always a cheat. I don't know that I believe that, though the odds are probably pretty high.

 

I see it like the old funny we used to giggle about: he started, he farted, he fumbled, he fell! LOL

 

Do I give him the chance to get up and try again? He has asked to, he has asked that I forgive him and is working on forgiving himself, he has asked the boys to forgive him. That is a big step for any man. Any I have ever known at least. I am willing to give him that much and see how it goes. I am just sort of on the sideline watching him...and he knows that too.

 

Hugs,

Ami

xoxo

I guess it all seems to come down to you making a decision when you feel that your ready... be it to say or to go, you have your options weighed out,,, you are giving him a fair shot to succeed or to fall flat on his face. 

 

I believe that when God was creating man, he got to the penis and nick named it the head, and then got distracted... when he looked back he said "where was I,,, oh yeh, the head... yep... put all the emotions (lust) in there, put all the feelings (selfishness) in there,,, hmmm anything else... nope.. I'm done with him".  Men never had a hope in hell from the start for thinking about anyone but themselves or about anything but sex and how good it feels.  Got to pity them for what they miss out on really.....

 

I guess I've never met a reformed cheater...lol  so, not sure if they have a support group or not... can you imagine how that first encounter would go.. "Hi, my name is Fred, I've cheated 200 times on 5 wives and now wife # 6 thinks this group will help".... "Hi Fred" (everyone in unison) lolpmp

Good luck with what ever you choose to do, and the decision won't be easy on any level. ~Sue

 

 
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January 31, 2008, 12:39 pm PST

pshhhh

Quote From: mewjag

Men can be such assholes. I am sorry you had that to deal with. I see your point of why you feel like you do about snooping. I really think I am just too lazy, or maybe I just don't want the disappointment. I get enough of that without even trying. =(

 

I don't really think of it as my head in the sand though. I just don't want to go there. I don't want to expend the energy. Those few days I was digging emails out I was a wreck, my hands shook and my heart raced and I had to fight to stay steady from the stress of it all. It hurt me horribly. But by the third day I looked in the mirror and said "self, now this just isn't gonna work, you are killing yourself with worry and stress, it is time to stop it.." And I did. I found more than enough damning crap, he really couldn't be damned any more honestly. I had all my papers. (In GA they still do divorce settlements with a jury and they include injury $$$....so those were necessary to have.....). Not so much as a threat but just a safety net of sorts...call it insurance if you will. Threats of divorce have flown around this house several times in the last year needless to say. He had threatened me with claiming a share of my house in Ky....which he could as Ky has dower rights still, but the equity was all earned before we married so his claim is very small in reality. On the other hand we bought this house a week before we married my claim here is 1/2....and property values are climbing fast here. So in essense my vested interest is larger than his....which pisses him off big time. (Pisses him off more that I know more about this than he does too regarding this topic). Anyway a jury award could cost him the entire house here, though it is not likely it is a possibility. Those emails actually could equate to monetary value.

 

Now I realize this all sounds sort of like blackmail. It isn't though, it is just that everyone is aware of the stakes. The nice part is there is no more attitude of "I am lord and master and you are a  sickly peon". The playing field became more level. Sadly this attitude he donned came about as a result of my being sick and the massive bills we have....and his piss poor money management issues. And his parents butting in our lives....at his invitation. His heart was in the right place but he buried us alive. And when we nearly drowned from it all he had to ask his parents for help...or thought he did anyway. Thing is he wasn't talking to me, he didn't think I needed the stress of it on top of the cancer. Sweet in thought, dumb in reality. Anyway like all good mushroom clouds it just kept expanding exponentially until our world just nearly blacked out from fallout. =(

 

So now we look around and we are still alive but trying hard to survive the nuclear winter!!! Damn that ash! =P

 

No, you are exactly right, pretending it is all ok doesn't make it ok or mean it is ok. And yes I suppose I am naive....God knows I didn't know how naive until I landed here though!!!!! ROTF!!!! "Aminaive" as a moniker has been proven more than once here that the answer to the question is a resounding YES! DUH!

 

Hugs,

Ami

xoxox

 

LOL,  I forgot that your nickname on here was aminaive....  that was toooo funny..... anyways,,, you went right into survival mode when you found those emails, and even if its blackmail, who cares.... he deserved the scare...  only thing is,,, some guys don't want a divorce or loose any money to "the bitch" as we suddenly become know as.......and start thinking about the life insurance policy instead...  Please lock up all poison materials and count your medications on a regular basis.....lolpmp   you know I jest..... thanks for enlightening me on the thought process of a woman who stays(maybe longer) than she should...   I have always ruled with a knee jerk motion... and then remain friends with them all.....go figure! lol   ~Sue
 
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January 31, 2008, 7:57 pm PST

Wow!

JP sure knows how to speed up a board!

 

Let's see.  Would I or did I ever snoop in my kid's bedroom?  Nope.  First of all because it was always such a mess and I worked full time and there was no way in hell I would have found anything anyway amongst the disorganized debris.   And if I had, it probably wouldn't have made any difference.  It's taken me a long time to come to that conclusion - that no matter what I found or how much I tried, Shannon would still be Shannon.

 

What was the other question?  A date with a goofy looking guy and would I go through with it?  What the hell kind of question is that?... of course I would.  Who on earth decides that looks trump kindness.  And why would anyone not see or hope beyond that.  Holy cow. I have no idea what most of you look like and I'm probably one of your best friends!

 

Not that I'd want to date you or anything... oh sheesh...  now I'm meandering...

 

Gotta go now.  But I do have a "She of the Feather Boa" story to tell.  Once I have it sorted out in my own mind and heart, I'll be back.

 

Oh, by the way Ami - I think you're pretty wonderful.  I know what it feels like.  You're strong and funny and sarcastic and loving and huge in everyone else's life.  What no one else tells you is that it's important to keep that for yourself too.

 

Oh, and also by the way,  ditch Raj. 

 

There.  I said it dammit....

 

xoxo

Trace.

 

 

 

 

 
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January 31, 2008, 10:55 pm PST

BTW

You guys do all know that I highly value all you have to say? Well know that if you don't already!  It is a wonderful thing to have such friends that will be genuinely honest and straight up. Not to mention it all be fun in the process!!!  =)

 

I wuvs you all!!!

~Ami

xoxo

 

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January 31, 2008, 11:19 pm PST

Groundhog Day

Ami, do you ever feel like your birthday just happens over and over and over again, while you try to get better presents each time?
 
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January 31, 2008, 11:47 pm PST

LOL

Quote From: neecie24

Ami, do you ever feel like your birthday just happens over and over and over again, while you try to get better presents each time?

Indeed I do!! Hehe!!

 

My birthday happens over and over again and always I get calls all day long from my family asking me if I can see my shadow or not....they all guffaw like it is the funniest thing ever!

 

Btw I love that movie. I had never seen it believe it or not until Raj gave me a copy of it for....ummm....my birthday!! Of course doh!! I don't know why I had never seen it. LOL

 

Now as to those better presents....I keep waiting....=P

 

Glad to see you out an about on the world wide web my dear, I hope you are feeling ok and getting on with healing. Btw I hope you did give Erin a big Happy B-day from us!! The big 1-0 is very important, no more single digits for her!!  =)

 

Hugs,

~Ami

xoxo

 

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February 1, 2008, 12:21 am PST

1-0

Yep, I told her to say goodby to the single digits, never going to see those again, but she didn't seem to care.  How I would love going back to 8 all over again....

 

Oh, you know, I've been lurking, but you gals have been so busy typing it's all I can do just to read it all!!  I am doing well, haven't even needed much tylenol or motrin lately.  But these drains are driving me CRAZY!  Had hoped to get myself down there today or tomorrow, and say "See, it's all drying up, yank the $%^& things!!" But that was not to be, so I guess I've got to wait through the weekend.  I'm beginning to hope I don't have some stupid infection...

 

I'm also wishing I could get some work to do.  Makes me wonder a bit what's happening at the office and why they can't seem to send me something anything to keep busy and earn some $$$.  As of tomorrow, I'm going to consider myself back on the clock.  If I'm not at a doctors appt, or some other errand, but at home ready and willing to work, then they're going to start paying me, chargeable or not! 

 

I do start chemo, probably the third week of Feb.  Another reason to work like a demon now, before that hits.  I'm planning a hair shaving party, may even invite some of my friends to come join the fun.  But I told Erin I'm going to make a bunch of braids tied with pink ribbon to cut off first and give to her and my Mom and my Dad, whoever would be interested in that kind of sentimentality.  Then we can go shopping for hats.  I'm going to get a picture taken of me with Erin's bald diving coach to put on my website!

 

Erin's party was fun, and there were lots of people there to help.  Ralph's son is getting married tomorrow in Omaha, and there are some weird family dynamics with the bride's mother, so send a few happy thoughts their direction.  I can't wait to see pictures of Ralph in his dress kilt for the wedding. :-)

 

Erin is doing well, working on an extracurricular team project -- has anyone heard of Destination ImagiNation?  It's been a bit of a struggle, that whole "team" dynamic, but however it turns out, I think she'll learn a lot from it. 

 

So, that's me.  Let's see...  Mouth to a mouth to a vagrant, geeze we were just talking about the Good Samaritan story recently.  I would hope that I would.  Regifting -- might do it, if I was really clear that it wouldn't bite me on the ass, more likely, I'd just give the thing away to goodwill at some point.  Snooping.  Now that was interesting.  I'd definitely snoop, I don't think there will be closed doors in our house.  Whether it would do any good or not, who knows, but I want to know what my kid is up to, for sure.  No TV's in her room, and there will be extremely strict internet supervision.  I don't even like all these Webkinz, and Virtualtown things they have set up for kids now.  I don't mind her playing some games on disney.com, or pbs.com, but geeze MySpace scares the bejeezus out of me.  I want her outside, participating in sports and academics, getting fresh air and sunshine, not plopped in front of a computer all the time.

 

Hmmm, come to think of it, maybe I should apply some of those rules to myself... Don't worry, I'll be back, I'd never leave any of you!  Enough, off to bed with me!!

 

XOXOXO

 
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February 1, 2008, 3:40 am PST

HELLO TO ALL MY DEAR FRIENDS HERE...

I'm here...and our poor computer is working at the moment,LOL!!

 

Mark and I have decided that it's time to upgrade our hard-drive etc, so Mark is trying to do some backup CD's and copy as much stuff that he can before this computer decides to give up the ghost all together!!

 

Stephanie has enjoyed her first week of school and her Teacher also said that she is doing quite well already. The Teacher has noticed that Stephanie is quite switched on to alot of stuff like, reading, writing, counting and other things as well.

 

NEEICE: Glad to hear that all is well with you and that things are looking up for you as well. Chemo will not be a walk in the park, but I hope that it will not knock you around too much! Also glad to hear that Erin is doing well at the moment.

 

TO ALL: I hope that you all have a great weekend, whatever you all end up doing, please Take Care and I will be back soon, Love Kelly.

 
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February 1, 2008, 6:30 am PST

Sheperds hook pulling Ami back!

rofl! Ok. "he did it on purpose, without telling me"?! Let's hear it missy! rofl. Girl! You are too much fun!

 

And Sue? What you said made me laugh but now I have no idea what it was! I so love your humor. *hugs*

 
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February 1, 2008, 7:58 am PST

virgin 22

Nearly everyone in my life wonders about me because of the simple fact that i am a virgin. I want to start my sex life but being a virgin i saw alot of peoples insecure colors. Is our culture focussing on age to much? Is 22 to old to be a virgin? I admit that i have been on the sidelines because of insecurities of my own but i am ready to start a new life and date really nice girls. Like i was saying about true colors i've been harrased and bulled for being a virgin. People always label me as a faggit , virgin , loser and what ever else those words hurt real bad but i know they are not true. I find myself worrying about my age now and thinking i'll never have sex but that is not true.

 
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