Quote From: jp621How do you not but the bigger picture how da hell do you?! Let his friend stay? My ex and I knew all of the time that our relationship was not stable and holding on was a really big thing and we "knew" no way in hell could anyone ever live with us. You sorta have that with Raj and then it's his very best friend so how can you not? And you feel like crap most of the time and you know what stress does to you so how can you? Ya know what? I think Ami needs to take care of Ami. There is no way this is gonna work to your benefit. And I'm not talking about anything other than your mental, emotional, phsycial health. In that order. You need to do what you need to do for Ami.
It is absolutely horrible that his friend has to go thru that situation. "You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, you can't control it." Wish you were healthy sweeite, and I know if that were the case, he'd be welcomed, but real is real and you just don't have it in you. Even Raj doesn't like the idea. So. Given all that maybe put your heads together and see what the alternatives are.
*hugs*
His bud, we'll call him Rob, well Rob is married...sort of. Yeah I know, there is no sort of married, but for most of the first year I knew him, they were seperated. He would be in town with a new date every other weekend. All the while I was under the impression he was in the process of a divorce. The suddenly he starts coming to our house with his wife. Someone I like very much in fact. I never mentioned he had ever visited us with anyone else in tow. She sort of fished around it by saying she was glad he was staying with us all that time they were seperated. *cough, cough* well he wasn't here all that time and he wasn't alone when he was here. I'm just thankful that she never asked point blank. I won't lie for him. Anyway the issue there is she is horrid alcoholic. When she dries out there marriage is grand when she starts drinking again it is the pits evidently. I have never seen her drunk so I don't know, but the guys (Rob and Raj) tell me she is mean.
Anyway long story short (who me.....no way ;P), she has been on a bender since he found out about the hep C and the cancer. He doesn't want to stay there with her, not to mention the drive is two hours or so to the hospital from their home. We are 30 minutes from the hospital. And, we have plenty of room, as he well knows he has stayed here before.
Some of the folks in my cancer group said 'no way'. It feels very wrong to not invite him to stay. But you make a good point about relationships and whether they can tolerate more living with us. Raj and I still walk a fine line, and still have our occassional blowouts. Rob is opinionated and won't mind a bit butting in everything. He has done it before...from John to money. He is sort of a know-it-all. Can be fun, and is good for Raj to have a guy to blather with, but equally annoying like all men are to me. lol And he and Raj have been friends for years and years. Rob has no family left, one son in the military he doesn't have a lot of contact with and two sisters he hasn't seen in over 20 years. That's it.
I think if that were me, I don't know what I would do at all. His lifestyle sadly has contributed heavily to his situation he finds himself in and that is hard. I feel really bad though not helping. It feels very very wrong. Raj doesn't like the idea at all because though Rob says he will help out, Raj says he won't. Lord knows we can't afford to foot the bill for a boarder, he would have to pitch in and help out money wise. But there isn't much way he is going to be working. Bah, it just suxxors without a doubt. =(
Thanks for letting me vent, this is eating on me.....
~Ami
xoxox
