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Topic : 11/30 Spoiled and Entitled

Number of Replies: 158
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Tuesday, November 21, 2006, 02:25:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
It's holiday time again, and parents everywhere are figuring out how they're going to afford what's on their kids' Christmas list. Theresa is a single mother who is extremely stressed out because she says her 17-year-old daughter, Bailie, is spoiled. Bailie expects her mom to buy her new clothes, a computer, purses -- much more than Theresa can afford. Theresa says that Bailie even leaves notes around the house saying, "Clean my room!" How has Theresa, who's unemployed, been able to keep up with Bailie's demands? She reveals a dark secret that she's been keeping from everyone, including Bailie. And what does Bailie want most from her mom that she's never gotten? Then, 24-year-old Katie says that she's always been handed everything she wants, and if she doesn't get her way, she begs and whines to get her dad to foot the bill. He still pays for her gas, insurance, furniture and clothing. Now, Katie says her 4-year-old daughter is growing up to be just like her, and it's Grandpa’s fault. Plus, Dr. Phil and Robin have signed on to be the national spokespeople for Toys for Tots. To kick off this year's holiday toy drive, they head to Texas Motor Speedway to cheer on the UPS Store/Toys for Tots racing team. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More November 2006 Show Boards.

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November 25, 2006, 9:00 pm CST

spoiled brats

Parents create the expectations that their children have, this starts at an early age.  I was a single parent for 15 years as well, my career was to be a loving attentive mother to my daughter, we had to run from a violent, dangerous man, (her father/husband).  The most important thing my daughter wanted was safety, love, and strength  from me. She didn't even know what Jag or Country Road was. She was happy to have a meal on the table and a safe warm bed to sleep in at night.  I  surrounded her with  loving people who also showed her what was important in life.

All of these people around her were doctors, lawyers, wealthy intelligent people who valued honesty and genuine relationships over money and possessions. These were the example i wanted her to grow up in, not snotty spoiled brats who demanded and hated. Your expectations of what life should provide, is what the children take on as normal.

Listen and love your kids, find out what they are good at and develop their self esteem by encouraging them to find their "nich" in life, this is what makes a valuable adult. Take them to the hospitals to do volunteer work in the children's cancer wards, and to old people's homes to visit lonely abandoned elderly people, this teaches them what's really important.

When they get into the difficult teen years, stick with the strict rules you have always lived by, but also negotiate with the teen on certain issues, allow them to make mistakes and guide them to make good decisions, if they feel they have some power in their lives, they don't rebell and go off the rails as badly as if they are too controlled, or if they don't have any rules. Don't let the teenages dictate to you, how your home is going to be run, or you will be the one paying the bills and working harder than ever, and they will become more demanding and unhappy.

Listen to your children and be genuinely interested in who they are and who they are becoming, every person and especially children need their parents approval and support and love. Be open and honest with them and they will be open and honest adults.

Don't pour money onto your guilt.

 
November 25, 2006, 9:11 pm CST

Enjoy the grandkids

Quote From: susanashe

You want to know what to do ?  NOTHING !!  Absolutely nothing !  It is your daughters marriage and you arent having to pay for anything so what does this have to do with your life personally ?  This is totally between your daughter and her HUSBAND !!!  Leave it alone and grin and bear it

Yes it's a difficult one, but you need to stay out of it, it's your daughter's choice, she is living with this man, and your job is to love the grandchild and love your daughter but stay out of the criticisms of her husband. I am sure she realises her mistake but she is being responsible , and  you really need to just be loving and non judgemental over this situation. Her husband's mother probably realises her mistake too, but she is also holding onto her son, by paying for all these things. This is probably her way of staying involved in your lives.

 

Your daughter will feel more comfort and love for you if you don't condem him.

If the burden of carrying her husband becomes too much and she then asks you for help, then you have the right to offer help to her, in what ever form you want to.

Even if your daughter complains about him to you, just listen and don't suggest anything that might be used against you, because ultimately she will stick by her husband and you will be on the outer then.

 

 
November 25, 2006, 9:28 pm CST

I agree Dad

Quote From: greggy757

I am a single Father of two teen boys. I have provided a decent life for myself and my boys. I let them know that we will not be buying a bunch of junk for Christmas this year. My oldest boy was fine with it, but my youngest who is 13 felt opposed to the idea.

I told my 13 year old that I understood how he felt. I went on to say that it didn't matter. It was a decision I made and I am sticking to it.

Children should not run the show. They are to follow the rules and guidlines set by the parent. It is enough to provide for them all year long. But to put yourself thru the stress of buying gifts for Christmas is not smart.

My boys and I will attent a Christmas morning church service. Afterwards, I have signed us up to serve mealsata homeless shelter in Norfolk, VA. I want my children to be givers. They get enough stuff all year long. Christmas will be a day for them to focus on giving to others.

Children will be what you raise them to be. Parents should put their foot down and be parents, and stop being punks and whimps.

How refreshing to hear a father speak like this. So many fathers have no idea about their kids.  I value parents who raise their children to be givers, and to think about others in the world. We are being bombarded by "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME" brainwashing. Teens already think everything is about them, it's that period of their life, but we have to focus on getting them to look outside of their demands and develop a more giving spirit, and we can do that by example.  How we act and what we say in the home teaches a child how to view the world.

 

So many adults now are demanding "ME" time, and the parents are unhappy with their lives, and they are always wanting more toys. No wonder the kids grow up and expect the best of everything.  

Yes we do need time to escape but refocus on the family too. Know your kids and talk to them about what's happening outside their community and what's happening to other children in the world.  Emulate other young people who are making a difference for underprivileged children. Ask them what they think of the world and the events that are happening.

 

Enpower our kids to stand out and make a difference, show them you have confidence in their decisions,  and for them becoming the next generation to rule.

 

Cults gather disciples by showing homeless unloved kids, kindness.  If we love our kids and others, they won't have the need to fall into these cults grasps.

Nanapoet

Melbourne

Australia   

 
November 26, 2006, 3:24 am CST

It's NOt Just Kids that are Spoiled!

 

 

I was not a tough love parent but I did mean what I said and after only a few times kids catch on, but parents are not smart enough to catch on and they raise brats.

 

I have found that I have many friends who have dogs who are so spoiled that they are uncontrollable when left alone!

 

These pets are darling and I love them, but they like kids are spoiled and not socialized! My ex husband's dog is the oppoisite, we had the same idea about parenting and raised really wonderful children and nowjhe has a great dog and Mac is socialized. 

 

What I see with pets I think relates to parents who are out of control. Whether it's pets or kids the adult has lost control. I have one friend who will not travel or let anyone else take care of her Pittypat. When Pittypat dies then she will travel and go to a church related weekend. One of my other friends has had to resort to getting a pen for her little Scottie when she is gone. He would eat chocolates on the bed and get into other really funny things when she is home but I am trying to convince them they need to get socialized by taking classes.

 

Thier lives are controlled by having to get home because their pet will be upset if they are gone too long!!!

 

Start early and be loving but firm and have boundries with children and pets and your life will be much easier.

 

My ex and I were divorced when our children were very little but we loved them more than we loved ourselves. Our whole philosophy was loving them and teaching them to be good people. During all twelve years of Catholic school we both were there and those who didn't know us thought we were still married. We had the same mind set and same ideas about raising children. Our children are now 31 and almost 34 and are really well educated and triving human beings and are thoughtful and loving to us. 

 

Bobster in Nashville

 
November 26, 2006, 7:05 am CST

Single Parents?

As the single mom of a spoiled 19 year old son, I know how these kids get spoiled. It's not because they throw a fit, but because we can give them these things. It is when we can't that they act out. When there's not enough money, There's not enough money. Although the spoiled kid acts out, that's all he will do. All the  yelling and bad mouthing can't get more money. All a mom can do is to use the strong shoulders shedeveloped s a single parent and bear the the  childish rampages. Although my son has not gotten past his entitlement, I hope he will someday.  I let his tirades roll off my back like water off a ducks'. 

 Momthanguv2

 
November 26, 2006, 10:23 am CST

Spoiled and Entitled

Quote From: susanashe

You want to know what to do ?  NOTHING !!  Absolutely nothing !  It is your daughters marriage and you arent having to pay for anything so what does this have to do with your life personally ?  This is totally between your daughter and her HUSBAND !!!  Leave it alone and grin and bear it

 Yup, you are right, keep my mouth shut and stay out of it, and this is what we have tried to do over the last 3 years.  I warned her initially that his behavior and patterns in life were not conducive to someone with a strong work ethic and integrity. However, by all indications and what other's say about those who do what he is doing  this man/child that is my daughters husband, has some serious problems. 

I will do as you have suggested, and love my daughter and granddaughter, be here for her if her world falls apart, but it sure is hard to have any respect for a man who does not support himself.

I try not to judge people, however, those who have integrity and a hard work ethic, don't mooch off of others. This person has neither of this characteristics, and I believe it will trickle down into how he treats my daughter and granddaughter.  That scares me.

 
November 26, 2006, 10:56 am CST

11/30 Spoiled and Entitled

Quote From: bobster

 

 

I was not a tough love parent but I did mean what I said and after only a few times kids catch on, but parents are not smart enough to catch on and they raise brats.

 

I have found that I have many friends who have dogs who are so spoiled that they are uncontrollable when left alone!

 

These pets are darling and I love them, but they like kids are spoiled and not socialized! My ex husband's dog is the oppoisite, we had the same idea about parenting and raised really wonderful children and nowjhe has a great dog and Mac is socialized. 

 

What I see with pets I think relates to parents who are out of control. Whether it's pets or kids the adult has lost control. I have one friend who will not travel or let anyone else take care of her Pittypat. When Pittypat dies then she will travel and go to a church related weekend. One of my other friends has had to resort to getting a pen for her little Scottie when she is gone. He would eat chocolates on the bed and get into other really funny things when she is home but I am trying to convince them they need to get socialized by taking classes.

 

Thier lives are controlled by having to get home because their pet will be upset if they are gone too long!!!

 

Start early and be loving but firm and have boundries with children and pets and your life will be much easier.

 

My ex and I were divorced when our children were very little but we loved them more than we loved ourselves. Our whole philosophy was loving them and teaching them to be good people. During all twelve years of Catholic school we both were there and those who didn't know us thought we were still married. We had the same mind set and same ideas about raising children. Our children are now 31 and almost 34 and are really well educated and triving human beings and are thoughtful and loving to us. 

 

Bobster in Nashville

you are so right about people and their pets.  I have a friend who has an 8 year old boy who lives with his father, (thank god).  Well the mother has a dog, we all told her not to get one.  She has no responibility, she comes and goes, ( a mouthfull she has no time for anything but, her own needs).  Well, after hearing stories of the puppy deal she goes through, it's her

own fault, to raise a child or an animal, you have to learn responisibilies. 

 

You can't say I have a child and let the world raise it.  You can't have a dog or cat, and let the neighborhood raise it. 

 
November 26, 2006, 11:01 am CST

11/30 Spoiled and Entitled

Quote From: nanapoet

How refreshing to hear a father speak like this. So many fathers have no idea about their kids.  I value parents who raise their children to be givers, and to think about others in the world. We are being bombarded by "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME" brainwashing. Teens already think everything is about them, it's that period of their life, but we have to focus on getting them to look outside of their demands and develop a more giving spirit, and we can do that by example.  How we act and what we say in the home teaches a child how to view the world.

 

So many adults now are demanding "ME" time, and the parents are unhappy with their lives, and they are always wanting more toys. No wonder the kids grow up and expect the best of everything.  

Yes we do need time to escape but refocus on the family too. Know your kids and talk to them about what's happening outside their community and what's happening to other children in the world.  Emulate other young people who are making a difference for underprivileged children. Ask them what they think of the world and the events that are happening.

 

Enpower our kids to stand out and make a difference, show them you have confidence in their decisions,  and for them becoming the next generation to rule.

 

Cults gather disciples by showing homeless unloved kids, kindness.  If we love our kids and others, they won't have the need to fall into these cults grasps.

Nanapoet

Melbourne

Australia   

I love to hear other people that have the same view points on raising children.  You don't have to be mean to your children, but we do have to get the point across to our children that some day, they will our next generation to rule.  If some of these parents, don't start to realize this, our world

is going to be more scarier than it is now. 

 
November 26, 2006, 11:57 am CST

Spoiled & Entitled

Hello,

 

 I earned everything that I ever received. Sure as a Child I did want more.

 but my parents said no and that was it.  These parents need to step up and

 not give in to the demands of the child. I see it every day in the malls and other stores, keep them quiet buy a toy. That will lead to other things to it will get to a point where you are always in debt.

 

  Dale

 
November 26, 2006, 12:09 pm CST

11/30 Spoiled and Entitled

Well   some parents  give there child way too much.  The reason they get spoiled  is because  parents don't know how to say no to there child!   They don't want to hear the fussing so they give them what they want. Even knowing they don't have the money.  That they got bills to pay!!   A  parent has to start saying no at a young age.  No matter how they react to it.  That way  they will grow up not  spoiled.  If  they are a teen now and they are spoiled.  They will have to learn  that  they can't get every thing they want!!  Let them get mad, they will  get over it and will understand why they could not get it. one day.

 
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