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Topic : 11/30 Spoiled and Entitled

Number of Replies: 158
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Tuesday, November 21, 2006, 02:25:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
It's holiday time again, and parents everywhere are figuring out how they're going to afford what's on their kids' Christmas list. Theresa is a single mother who is extremely stressed out because she says her 17-year-old daughter, Bailie, is spoiled. Bailie expects her mom to buy her new clothes, a computer, purses -- much more than Theresa can afford. Theresa says that Bailie even leaves notes around the house saying, "Clean my room!" How has Theresa, who's unemployed, been able to keep up with Bailie's demands? She reveals a dark secret that she's been keeping from everyone, including Bailie. And what does Bailie want most from her mom that she's never gotten? Then, 24-year-old Katie says that she's always been handed everything she wants, and if she doesn't get her way, she begs and whines to get her dad to foot the bill. He still pays for her gas, insurance, furniture and clothing. Now, Katie says her 4-year-old daughter is growing up to be just like her, and it's Grandpa’s fault. Plus, Dr. Phil and Robin have signed on to be the national spokespeople for Toys for Tots. To kick off this year's holiday toy drive, they head to Texas Motor Speedway to cheer on the UPS Store/Toys for Tots racing team. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More November 2006 Show Boards.

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November 26, 2006, 1:31 pm CST

11/30 Spoiled and Entitled

Quote From: momthanguv2

As the single mom of a spoiled 19 year old son, I know how these kids get spoiled. It's not because they throw a fit, but because we can give them these things. It is when we can't that they act out. When there's not enough money, There's not enough money. Although the spoiled kid acts out, that's all he will do. All the  yelling and bad mouthing can't get more money. All a mom can do is to use the strong shoulders shedeveloped s a single parent and bear the the  childish rampages. Although my son has not gotten past his entitlement, I hope he will someday.  I let his tirades roll off my back like water off a ducks'. 

 Momthanguv2

 i see what you're saying but, even when you can give them things why give them so much? We started early laying down. Our kids  know they can't always have what they want. It doesn't matter if we could afford it. It doesn't matter if all their friends have it. They don't always get what they want. They need to know the value of a dollar and learn good stewardship. We as parents don't always get what we want.. why should our kids? We put some back against the lean times and we give to people who don't have much
 
November 26, 2006, 2:52 pm CST

Out of Control

What I am completely horrified is that parents who give these children any request and then wonder why they are who they are.  My neice get anything she want and truly believe that a career as a massage therapist and a nail technician will provide the living that she deserves.  When I challenge her to show me a B in freshman level social studies, she breaks down in tears because she is an "artsy" person and doesn't need to use her mind.  She uses her hands.  I fear that she will perpetuate her mother's legacy of a child out of wedlock.  It is like watching a wrecking train. What is truly tragic is what the baby will be subject to.
 
November 26, 2006, 6:52 pm CST

Spoiled and Entitled

Quote From: jesusislord

Well   some parents  give there child way too much.  The reason they get spoiled  is because  parents don't know how to say no to there child!   They don't want to hear the fussing so they give them what they want. Even knowing they don't have the money.  That they got bills to pay!!   A  parent has to start saying no at a young age.  No matter how they react to it.  That way  they will grow up not  spoiled.  If  they are a teen now and they are spoiled.  They will have to learn  that  they can't get every thing they want!!  Let them get mad, they will  get over it and will understand why they could not get it. one day.

 
I'm confused here.  Who is the child and who is the parent?  Children have to learn that everything is not handed to them in life, nor should it be, they also should learn disappointment because it prepares them for life in the real world.  I think every parent should only look at themselves to blame when they end up with a spoiled child or if it was the grandparents doing the spoiling, where were they while it was going on. Yes, children should get  a little more than we did, but in the long run when they are out in this world on their own , they need to know how to  depend on themselves and not others.  It will also build character and a desire to succeed in life.
 
November 27, 2006, 7:30 am CST

I Can Only Add to the Chorus

...of those who have said that much of the responsibility (dirty word, I know) for the development of these "little Frankensteins" rests squarely with their parents. However, for many of these "adults," I'm convinced that it's not so much for the child as for the ego boost the parent him/herself gets from the idea that "I'm such hot stuff that I can do/get this or that for my offspring." A story about an executive's wife that I knew sums it up: One Christmas, her husband  wanted to buy her a showy luxury item that was well within his means to get. She refused, saying point-blank, "you don't want that as a gift for me, you want to get it so you can tell others about how you got it and feed your own ego."

 

Unfortunately, modern marketing has convinced us that things, instead of character, make the person.

 
November 28, 2006, 1:42 am CST

DearToys for Tots gift givers...Gift wrappers needed

     Dear Dr Phil and Robin, 

    Toys for Tots is a great thing. I'm glad you and Robin are doing this. But I have an idea that you may want to spread around.  God Bless your efforts.
    As a single mom with 4 kids and never being able to buy gifts much less all the decorations or Christmas cards and wrapping paper for my kids or family. I have with anticipation and love for my kids, stood in line sometimes for hours outside (in  freezing rain or cold  temps )  to collect one or two small gifts for my kids. I have found that chemically treated hand warmers have saved many a parents with small babies in tow from freezing. I bring extras each year. Umbrellas and glove too. And though I am grateful for the gifts. I found it hard (emotionally ) to keep the joy of giving the gifts to my kids unwrapped.  They want so badly to get a wrapped gift from Santa, all wrapped with a bow and card with their name on it  under the tree.  I hope that those reading this don't think I am ungrateful for the gifts by what I am saying.  I'm just writing this  to  help  those who may  want to do something  else, nice this time of year but don't know how to.
    This is what I did last year.  I told my kids that Santa wanted us to do something for him this year to help with the overload of kids he had to give gifts to. I told them "Santa asked me to go to the North pole  Annex Station and help out with wrapping the gifts"   So after Christmas the previous year,  I purchased two large boxes of gift wrap, bows  and boxes of Christmas cards from the previous year's Christmas clearance sales. I got them at 75% off. I  then gave up my services to wrap the gifts received at Toys for Tots station. Just like one would do if shopping at your finest Department stores or Malls. It brought tears of joy from the parents who had not way to wrap the gifts. I know how it would feel to be able to have a wrapped gift for the kids when I had no way to afford it. along with gift card and personal message.
 
November 28, 2006, 3:29 am CST

in same boat

Have been in the same boat as Theresa for 18 years.  My daughter is 18 and has quite school and refuses to get a GED or go back to school or get a job.  My daughter is bipolar and has been led to believe that because of being bipolar her dad and I are supposed to care for her and give her what she wants and does not even have to do house work to earn what she wants.  She has so many clothes that she can not possibly wear them all and if I get something new to wear to work she needs something also.  I only teach Head Start and she can spend more than I make if we allow her.  When we tell her the money is not there the stereo blares and the swear words fly.  We (my husband and I) have learned to ignore the noise and just turn up the television when this happens.  We realize that at 18 you are an adult but it has gone to far now and we do not know what to do.  You have to help Theresa with her daughter or she may be in the same boat as we are now.  If you have any ideas please send them on so we can work on helping our daughter.
 
November 28, 2006, 9:46 am CST

11/30 Spoiled and Entitled

Quote From: mrskathi

Have been in the same boat as Theresa for 18 years.  My daughter is 18 and has quite school and refuses to get a GED or go back to school or get a job.  My daughter is bipolar and has been led to believe that because of being bipolar her dad and I are supposed to care for her and give her what she wants and does not even have to do house work to earn what she wants.  She has so many clothes that she can not possibly wear them all and if I get something new to wear to work she needs something also.  I only teach Head Start and she can spend more than I make if we allow her.  When we tell her the money is not there the stereo blares and the swear words fly.  We (my husband and I) have learned to ignore the noise and just turn up the television when this happens.  We realize that at 18 you are an adult but it has gone to far now and we do not know what to do.  You have to help Theresa with her daughter or she may be in the same boat as we are now.  If you have any ideas please send them on so we can work on helping our daughter.

Provide only what she needs and buy her clothes at the thrift store. Give her a time table to get her G.E.D. and a job and stick to it. If she leaves things of hers lying around toss them back in her room and tell her you're NOT her maid! Let her know she has X amount of time to do what needs to be done or she's out.
Tough Love? maybe...but what'll be tougher is when someday you're gone and she can't function

in the real world!

We all have problems. I know people who are bi-polar and I know schizophrenics and they manage to support themselves. This is just an excuse she's using.

I've been on my own since i was 17. I worked two jobs AND got my G.E.D. and yes, I have mental health issues.

 
November 28, 2006, 11:45 am CST

11/30 Spoiled and Entitled

Quote From: mrskathi

Have been in the same boat as Theresa for 18 years.  My daughter is 18 and has quite school and refuses to get a GED or go back to school or get a job.  My daughter is bipolar and has been led to believe that because of being bipolar her dad and I are supposed to care for her and give her what she wants and does not even have to do house work to earn what she wants.  She has so many clothes that she can not possibly wear them all and if I get something new to wear to work she needs something also.  I only teach Head Start and she can spend more than I make if we allow her.  When we tell her the money is not there the stereo blares and the swear words fly.  We (my husband and I) have learned to ignore the noise and just turn up the television when this happens.  We realize that at 18 you are an adult but it has gone to far now and we do not know what to do.  You have to help Theresa with her daughter or she may be in the same boat as we are now.  If you have any ideas please send them on so we can work on helping our daughter.

1) Where did she get that idea?  And is she getting treatment?  If she's going to use that as an excuse, she needs to handle it responsibly with the goal of being productive in the future.  You need to insist on it as a condition of her living in your house.

 

2) Where is she getting the money?  If she's getting it from you, then when it's gone, it's gone.  She has enough clothes to wear until they wear out.  She can swear all she wants but don't pay out and don't buy her new stuff when you get new clothes for work.  You can control that.

 

My parents have helped my brother and I out a lot through the years we've been in school but we work, and helping doesn't mean that they buy us everything or that they would ever tolerate that kind of behavior from us.  If I pulled that on my mother, I'd be out on my ear in 10 seconds, learning disabilities or no.  It's not an excuse to treat people like ATM's.

 
November 28, 2006, 9:34 pm CST

thats a very good point you have made i see alot of gifts just droped in the boxes at wallmart unwraped,my mother and i spend alot of time wrapping the toys we donate and to make sure they dont give a boys toy to a girl we tape a tag on the wraped toy tel

Quote From: estherkpg

     Dear Dr Phil and Robin, 

    Toys for Tots is a great thing. I'm glad you and Robin are doing this. But I have an idea that you may want to spread around.  God Bless your efforts.
    As a single mom with 4 kids and never being able to buy gifts much less all the decorations or Christmas cards and wrapping paper for my kids or family. I have with anticipation and love for my kids, stood in line sometimes for hours outside (in  freezing rain or cold  temps )  to collect one or two small gifts for my kids. I have found that chemically treated hand warmers have saved many a parents with small babies in tow from freezing. I bring extras each year. Umbrellas and glove too. And though I am grateful for the gifts. I found it hard (emotionally ) to keep the joy of giving the gifts to my kids unwrapped.  They want so badly to get a wrapped gift from Santa, all wrapped with a bow and card with their name on it  under the tree.  I hope that those reading this don't think I am ungrateful for the gifts by what I am saying.  I'm just writing this  to  help  those who may  want to do something  else, nice this time of year but don't know how to.
    This is what I did last year.  I told my kids that Santa wanted us to do something for him this year to help with the overload of kids he had to give gifts to. I told them "Santa asked me to go to the North pole  Annex Station and help out with wrapping the gifts"   So after Christmas the previous year,  I purchased two large boxes of gift wrap, bows  and boxes of Christmas cards from the previous year's Christmas clearance sales. I got them at 75% off. I  then gave up my services to wrap the gifts received at Toys for Tots station. Just like one would do if shopping at your finest Department stores or Malls. It brought tears of joy from the parents who had not way to wrap the gifts. I know how it would feel to be able to have a wrapped gift for the kids when I had no way to afford it. along with gift card and personal message.
 
November 29, 2006, 3:39 pm CST

11/30 Spoiled and Entitled

And this is the reason I hate shopping, listening to the tantrums and WHINING of these little darlings, because they can't have what they WANT RIGHT NOW.

I think though many parent way too much from guilt, my question is, if you are providing for them with food clothing and shelter and some toys and treats, why do you feel guilty ?  I have yet to hear of a child Dying from NOT having the latest gadgets or designer clothes, why put yourself in the poorhouse for something your child will ignore soon after Christmas, or better yet, break before January ?  I don't get it.

My kids don't do without, don't get me wrong, but if I can't afford it, I tell them "NO" , someone should call the authorities for that, but I REFUSE to pay $750 or more for some game consol ( a woman I know bought one on e-Bay for  $1500, because her son would just DIE if his cousin got one and he didn't, one for the medical journals), a laptop for school, okay, but don't expect too much else.

Here's a gift, put away the PALM PILOTS, BLACKBERRIES, CELLPHONES and that other stuff, and walk around the neighbourhood with your kids looking at Christmas lights ( that's pretty secular I guess ) turn off the TV and play boardgames or heaven forbid, just TALK, find out what's going on in their lives instead of buying them off, you know what ?They'll still LOVE you, and for taking time for them they might just LOVE YOU all the more.

Something to consider.

 

 
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