Topic : 11/30 Spoiled and Entitled

People learn how to treat us by what we tolerate.  These spoiled brats were coddled, we all come out of the womb spoiled, we want our way, but it is our parent (s) who have to teach us patience and self control.  If a parent does not do this then wahla! you have the makings for  a spoiled child. 

So now you have a spoiled child what do you do, they are now in their teens?  It's never to late to start doing the right thing.  Just sit down with your child and explain to him/her all the ways you have helped them to become spoiled.  Then start teaching your child how to appreciate and wait for what they want.  Help them to see how you are helping them to become a better person for himself and others. 

This is not easy and will not correct itself over night or over a few months, remember it took 17 years to create this spoiled child, it will take some time to undo all these bad behaviors, please be patient with yourself and your child.  It will be worth the effort.

I was raised to work hard, and earn what I want in life. My husband and I raised our children to do the same. However, my 28 year old daughter has married a man who is 37 and his mother still completely supports him.  She bought him a house, a car, furniture, several big boy toys, and I could go on and on.  NO he does not work.  He has been with my daughter for 3 years and has not earned a dime.  He went to school to become a machanic, and graduated 3 months ago.   His mother paid for that as well.  He has yet to find a job.  Talk about spoiled and entitled.  If I say a word to my daughter about his work ethic, she will never talk to me again, and keep me from seeing my granddaughter.  Sad. Oh yes, my daugther works full time, and does pretty much everything around the house as well.  He does play well with my granddaughter.  NO he is not her biological father, but she calls him daddy.  How do I deal with this situation without anlienating my daugher????

I am a single Father of two teen boys. I have provided a decent life for myself and my boys. I let them know that we will not be buying a bunch of junk for Christmas this year. My oldest boy was fine with it, but my youngest who is 13 felt opposed to the idea.

I told my 13 year old that I understood how he felt. I went on to say that it didn't matter. It was a decision I made and I am sticking to it.

Children should not run the show. They are to follow the rules and guidlines set by the parent. It is enough to provide for them all year long. But to put yourself thru the stress of buying gifts for Christmas is not smart.

My boys and I will attent a Christmas morning church service. Afterwards, I have signed us up to serve mealsata homeless shelter in Norfolk, VA. I want my children to be givers. They get enough stuff all year long. Christmas will be a day for them to focus on giving to others.

Children will be what you raise them to be. Parents should put their foot down and be parents, and stop being punks and whimps.

I, too, cannot understand how people can "spoil" their children -- & then have the nerve to turn around & complain about their little Frankensteins!!!  Hello!! You created them!  Live with it!  Take some mature responsibility for your actions! 

I've seen & heard this on so many occasions, I've lost count.  One of my close gal pals was complaining to me how "spoiled" her little sister was (kid is the youngest in line).  I looked at her & said, "You know, SOMEONE has to do the spoiling & let the kid get away with absolutely everything!  Why are you complaining now?  You had a large influence in her life, & 'let' him/her grow up to think this way.  It's no one's fault but your own." 

PLEASE -- don't blame it on Pops or anyone else. 

You "let" him do this for you, but you blame him for your daughter acting in the same manner???  Get real.  You're uncomfortable, for starters.  Maybe your nose is out of joint because the spoiling continues to the next generation, & maybe you're not feeling as "special???"  Is that how it goes?  One must wonder.  These "spoiled" kids are snotty, rotten, no manners, no respect, & lots of other deadful manifestations of non-civiizational behavior.  They were encouraged to act this way!!  By the people who now complain!!! 

And, the pity of it is, that these children (they all start out as children) may have some really wonderful qualities & assets that they can serve up to the world & help make it a better place.  But, they are smothered in some adult either making things up to them for supposed deprivations that the kid doesn't now about, or the kids are pushed to accept a lazy lifestyle at the hands of their parents/grandparents & they don't know any better which is better!!!  Come on, People!!!  Get real & smell the coffee!  How many parents are guilty of showering their children with all kinds of gifts (perhaps in an attempt to "win their love"???) to make them "happy."  How many kids, on Xmas Day, would prefer to play in the boxes that the presents came in rather than the presents themselves?  Kids are very very basic.  One of my friends called her first 2 kids her "little barbarians" in a loving manner.  Yes, it's true.  I had a lot of discipline when I was growing up, & I was able to get my own apartment (no roommates) when I was 20 years old, & support myself to this day.  It wasn't all that easy.  I remember that, as a senior in a Catholic high school, we had our final year of what we dubbed "Senior Sandbox!"  We finished a grueling 3-year schedule of languages, math, science & other courses which have no relevance in my life now -- but! -- as a senior, I had to take Home Economics.  Either learning to cook or learning to sew.  I chose the latter. I already knew how to boil water, as well as some much more complicated food preperation menues, so I figured that I could pick up that talent at a later date on my own.  How right I was! 

Teach your children well.  Do not let them develop the spine of a jellyfish. You really are not helping  them.  Kids need discipline, borders, & need to know what they can do & can't do.  To ask them at a very early age to take responsibility for themselves (which you, as the ADULT, can't seem to do!!!) & showing  them the wrong way to go on...well, your chickens (as the saying goes) come home to roost.  It's a Karma thing.  You create it, & you get back the "fruits of your labors.  Like it or not. 

It's not a bad idea to get children involved with volunteering at hospitals, senior homes, homeless shelters, etc.  Even get some kids involved in giving time to animal shelters!  If they learn to be less selfish, you will have given your children a better life ahead.  Maybe they don't need the soccer/band practice/ballet lessons, etc. -- have you considered that?  Take your kids to a "lessons learned" place & encourage them to participate.  INSIST that they participate.  It will be the making of them.  Don't pass up this golden opportunity to give your child a Future that will relieve you of later worries.  It has to be worth it, right?!

All the best to everyone.  I think I can predict even now what the show will reveal, & it's not funny or cute or anything.  In many cases, I think, the children are crying out for help!  They need guidance & maturity to help them through difficult times.  It's the least you can do for your kids.  They didn't ask to be born.

Corajane

NY,NY 

Simple answer - YOU DID !!  So now that you started the cycle you have to be the one to stop it.  Why parents let their brats run all over them is beyond me - if I had demanded this or that from my dad I would have gotten a one way trip from Illinois to California as a result of him kicking my butt !  Learn to say NO and get a spine people.  You are the parent - and for the girl who blames Grampa for her own spoiled daughters ways - give me a frickin break !  She was a spoiled brat and now she is allowing her own 4 year old to be raised as the same.  FOUR YEARS OLD, woman?  How much control can a 4 year old have ?  Only as much as you give her.  Tell Grampa to stop giving your daughter what she wants and the same goes for you stopping asking for what you want out of dear old dad.  His obligation to you ended at age 18 and certainly when you became a parent yourself.  But you sound like the same spoiled brat that you were raised as. 

I had a girlfriend from the age of 18 who had a daughter at age 16 - they went through really hard times, dirt poor unti she got a good paying job and a new husband who adopted the daughter.  I watched my friend buy her 6 year old daughter Levi's and endless brand name things and when she would complain about the cost I would ask well, then why do you buy them for her - her answer was that the daughter would throw a fit and refuse to wear anything other than designer clothes.  I told her then to tell the 6 year old TOUGH !  "I am your mom and you will darn sure wear whatever I choose to buy you" - the kid turned her nose up at anything purchased at Kmart as not being good enough and every time my friend gave in.  At age 18 the daughter and her became estranged and my friend moaned about how did she turn out like that ?  I told her well, I hate to say I told you so but .....

My kids all bought their own cars at age 16 - they all worked at that age and bought their own school clothes for the most part.  When the youngest decided in her senior year she wanted to quit school, her dad and I told her fine, quit - but here is your third of the household expenses.  Wonders of wonders, my daughter was back in school the very next day AND she still worked to pay for her own car insurance, etc. 

Kids only learn what parents teach them - its the parents fault - after all, they are the ones that always said yes !