Topic : 06/06 Big Weight Issues

I have just plain given up!!  I wrote to Dr Phil several times about the pain I am in and my weight issues and never even heard if my letters were received. 

 If I don't get my weight down, I am about 360#, maybe more by now, my health will not improve.  I have severe osteoarthritis, back pain, and numerous other health issues.  I

 am always told to get more exercise, but how can you do that when you can't stand more than one or two minutes, can't walk or do anything without pain and complete exhaustion?  I try but nothing seems to help. 

I have been to weight watchers, TOPS, and tried every diet in the book.  I had my stomach stapled in 1981, and that was the beginning of my end.  I had it taken down in 1991 and had several hernia surgeries after that.  My stomach is totally covered with mesh.  It is huge!!  It looks like I have a basketball under my shirt.  My stomach lining is so thin that my doctor said if it would ever bust open, my whole insides would gush out!!  I can't do any heavy lifting at all.  Just dragging my weight around is enough heavy lifting for anyone. 

Like I said, I give up!!  I'll be this way until I die.  I walk in the house with a cane or walker.  Outside I have to use an electric scooter or I can't do anything.  My life is basically in the house. 

My best to everyone out there who is trying to lose weight.  Take my advise...if you are still under 200#, please do not ever let yourself get to that 200# mark!!  From that point on it is a battle and it only gets worse!!

Thank you for letting me blow off some steam.  K

Your weight is not why he had the affair.  It was an excuse for him, but it wasn't the cause.  My mother has gained a lot of weight because of her medications and my father would never look at another woman, no matter how big Mom got.  My brother wouldn't do that to my sister-in-law.  Real men don't cheat on their wives because they don't need to reassure themselves all the time that they're "manly" and "in control" or whatever. 

 

He had an affair to feed his own ego, not because of anything you did or how you look.  If he were strong and self-assured in his own right he wouldn't need to crack the whip over you to make himself feel like a big shot.  If anything, his nagging and disrespect contribute to the problem (they sure don't motivate you to change, right?  It's much harder to lose weight when you feel so badly about yourself).  Do it for you, not for him.  He's not going to help you and he didn't earn the privilege of being seen with you, no matter how good you end up looking.

 

Whether good or bad, I can relate to just about everyone that has posted a message.  I too have been overweight all my life, have medical problems, and yes, had thoughts of suicide at one point in my life.  I would never carry them out now because I know how much I mean to my family and how much they mean to me.

 

As for being a large person, the world can be cruel.  We pay extra for plus size clothing and for seats on air planes, we get looked at strange when going to buffets or restaurants.  People and kids say things under their breath and call you names, respectively.  It's not easy sometimes and our self esteem doesn't help matters.  My self esteem as been in the gutter too many times to count, I still haven't figured out how to inflat it. 

 

So, I continue to struggle through life with my overweight body, my many health issues, and some other stressful family problems.  A lot of times I feel like I am doing OK and other times I feel like slipping away somewhere.  Things will be all right, I just have to keep trudging along.

 

Reading this last comment was like someone was writing about me.  I am also 280 pounds and I struggle on a daily bases about my weight.   I too use food as comfort and have not found the strength to begin the journey to loss weight.   I commend you Val for finding the strength to help yourself and I  am willing to support you along the way.  Maybe I too can find the courage to join you!  Thank you for sharing!

 

Britt~

My husband has been on my back for years telling me to get rid of this extra weight.  Many times I tried, sometimes with success but then the weight would come back on.  after 16 years and three kids my husband had an affair and the woman is now pregnant.  Was the cause of his affair because I didn't try hard enough to loose this 40 pounds?  It is too late now I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life and if this is finally the incentive i have been looking for to really loose these 40 pounds it is tragic for me and for my torn family.

 

Carcrash I want to tell you that your weight had NOTHING to do with why he left you. I am 5 foot and probably knocking on 180lbs and my husband loves me unconditionally. If your husband has been dogging you about your weight all of these years, what does that say about him? I think he was just trying to pull himself up by pulling you down.

You'll probably look back on his affair in a year and think how glad you are to be rid of him. ( who needs a cheat and someone that runs them down around?)

 

Didn't catch the name but...the Aussie that wanted to email with people...I would love to email with you. I am going to be 39 soon, so we are around the same age. My email is samwisep@hotmail.com. I hope to hear from you!

 

Samantha, chubby but working on it. :)

I know this can be a struggle for people.  That is because when we try to lose weight we are using will power which is in our conscious mind and will power doesn't usually last.  To have lasting results and a changed life forever, we must get the change down into our subconscious mind.  Now we can do this on our own, because we have seen some people lose and keep it off, however, it is difficult.  The easiest way I know to do it is through hypnosis.  I am a hypnotherapist and suggest people try this technique.  If you do decide to try this technique there are some things to know that will be helpful.  The technique of hypnosis itself is very easy.  Most people(90% or higher) can be hypnotized.  It is the acceptance of the suggestion of weight loss that is difficult.  On the conscious level we may want to lose weight, however, our subconscious mind is very protective and may reject the suggestion based on believing it may be protecting you in some way.  One extreme example would be if you were sexually assaulted in some way in your past and your subconscious may have believed that if you gained weight you would be less attractive and this would be a form of protection against further assaults.  Now logically we know better than this, but emotionally we may feel differently.  That is also why we emotionally eat, even though logically we know it is bad for us.  So if you choose to do hypnosis, make sure you are willing to dig a little deeper into your psyche and also make sure the hypnotherapist is willing to do so as well.  Ya see, I am a psychologist as well, and not all hypnotists are.  So I am always using this technique to heal people on a deeper level.  It won't hurt anyone to try this technique, and it really isn't that expensive.  Shop around and make sure to go to someone well-respected.  I know you will be amazed with the results.  Thanks for listening.  Sheri

Weight is such a touchy subject! It hits on a nerve for a lot of people. I have struggled with my weight since childhood.  It makes me sad to read posts of other women who want to die when they look in the mirror. I know it may sound silly to say but it truly is what is on the inside that counts. If you need therapy to get past those feelings, please get it. Regardless of how much a person weighs, each and every individual has so much to offer others. We live in a world of toothpick thin models and plastic surgery. I know it may be hard to believe but at the end of the day what matters is, what kind of a friend, mother, wife,or daughter we are. I will probably never be a size 12, there is part of me that would like to be. I would like to get fit so I can be healthier. I just have learned or am learning that my self worth can't be tied to my weight. We have such wonderful qualities as women. It is so sad that we live in a world that wants to make us feel less- than because we don't fit a so-called ideal. I have nothing against trying to be healthy, I just think it is upsetting that so many beautiful women think they are ugly or worthless because they aren't a perfect size.  Every person has infinite potential and wonderful qualities that are unique to you. Please remember that!

Back in the 70's when I was married to my 1st husband & after having 2 kids, he nicknamed  me "fat ass".  I didn't realize how big I was actually getting until I saw the photos of our 10th anniversary party.  Then I went on a journey to loose weight & after I did, we had 2 more kids.  I was still a "fat ass" in his eyes & mine too.  When all was said & done I got up to 175 lbs. & was only 5'1".  I knew I was done having kids & went on another journey to loose weight.  After I did, he labeled me as a whore.  Thought I did it to get other men to notice me.  We divorced after 17 yrs. of marraige.  When it comes to brass tacks, he was a drunk & a workaholic.  I think he was insecure about his role  as a dad & husband,  Our kids are grown now.  We're both remarried.  I've stayed between 105 - 110 pounds since our divorce.  I think you need to get happy with your situation in life before you can get happy with yourself.  I'm now going my 20 yr. anniversary with my 2nd hubby & we're as happy as ever.

Dear Jennifer ,

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story of hope with all of us , but most of all thank you for thinking that we are worth the trust of your personnal journey......

 

As i wrote earlier , the mental side effect of losing weight is tremendous... i am now 80 pounds smaller with 50 more to go , but i am struggling and sabotaging myself , i loose 10 pounds gain it back at least 3 times for each 10 pounds. ...... i am at the point of given up just looking at the skin hanging from my arms and belly..... it makes me sick after all the efforts i have put thru it..... i can see that my weight problem could be solve but not my mental ......

 

After 34 years of anguish and sadness  i just can't see the point anymore....i just need to be regarded as a person not an obese or ex -obese...... for me the 60 secondes last  years....

 

thank you Lyne