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Topic : Is This Normal?

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:19:40 pm
Author : dataimport
Your partner asked you to do WHAT? Some things are taboo. Some things are common but just not discussed. Where does your sex life fit in?

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tillfllig
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November 24, 2005, 3:18 am PST

Lots of sex

 When it comes to SEX, there is only two  things that is TABOO.
And that is sex with children and animals.
 
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katiebug39
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November 29, 2005, 8:38 am PST

Is This Normal?

Quote From: misskanell

Thank you for you advice. My family does know what I'm going thru, but I keep it to myself because I don't want them thinking any less of me. I have steped back and let God deal with my ex. I think that's the main reason why he's still on this earth. My dad also got ahold of my ex and did some damage to him, which makes me laugh every time I think of my dad pulling my ex out of his car window and beating him. I guess what hurts the most is that there were people driving by and staring at me while my ex was trying to kill me. It's very disturbing. We were outside for most of the morning just going at it and no one called to get me help, even when I was yelling it at them. It took me getting punched in the face to get to a phone. All he got was a Domestic Violence charge for stabbing me in the back and even telling one of the officers that he was trying to kill me. To me that's attempted murder. If I could erase most of my memory from Jan  1, 05 and back I think I would be just fine, but I think what I've gone through has made me the person that I am. I know I'm better off than what I was before, but part of me feels like I'm not going to be. Even right now thinking of all of this gets me sooo mad that I know my face is turning red. I want to cry, but I can't. The church thing isn't an issue because of distance, it's an issue of time, but I will check into an online church. I know deep in my heart I had someone with me that day, because if I didn't, I wouldn't be here now. No, I'm no where near being addicted to drugs or alcohol. I wouldn't do that to myself or my family. My ex was addicted to every drug there was and I supported it by giving him the money to buy it, but I had no other choice. And I can barely get down a wine cooler without feeling topsy (I don't enjoy that feeling). Maybe it is time to go see a doctor about it (ptss). I have taken an online test to see if I had it and if you scored 4 out of 11, it advised you to talk to you doctor, my score was 10 out of 11. I know it would help me, but I feel like a failure if I do so, but I feel like a failure now about not doing anything about it. Maybe I'll call my old minister in Ohio and see what he has to say about it. Thanks for the help too, maybe you just gave me that little shove to help me get some help. :-)
I admire everything that you have gone through because you seem to be trully amazing otherwise you wouldn't be able to express yourself the way that you do, even online.  I have been struggling with the thought of going to see someone about some things that I don't feel I have completely dealt with in my life.  My experiences are not at all comparable to yours but I do somewhat understand the feeling of failure that you are unable to deal with the situation on your own.  I wanted to be strong and not ask for help from anyone and I felt I would feel accomplished if I was able to do so.  I think I've realized that asking for help isn't proclaiming failure but instead not asking for help and letting someone else rule your life is the real true failure.
 
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ksm072466
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November 30, 2005, 9:39 pm PST

Need Help

My husband and I have been together for 5 1/2 years and it has been good up until the last year.  Almost a year ago he had an affair with a girl he met on the internet.  He has been chatting on the internet again and has been having a phone and sex relationship with another woman.   

He tell me that this gives him an adrenaline rush when he does this behind my back.  He also contacted the past person he had an affair with because he was getting mental messed up.  He thinks that having affairs online is normal.  I have asked him to go to counseling but he won't, he thinks there is nothing wrong with this.   

We went to counseling over the first affair and things seemed to get better.  I love this man with all my heart and soul and he is a great person with a problem.  I need some feed back on what to do to help him get his head out of you know where. 
 
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markke
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December 2, 2005, 9:19 am PST

i need someone else's advice

I am embarressed to ask this but my marriage is more important. My wife caught me masterbating to a bikini contest on the internet. Her father growing up had a Playboy subscription, some good friends of ours parents own a couple of adult book stores as well. We have a good and normal sex life. Neither of us has any desire to be with another person. She is very very upset and is talking divorce after being married for 2 years and having a child together. Can anyone PLEASE respond?
 
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markke
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December 2, 2005, 10:05 am PST

Is This Normal?

Quote From: ksm072466

My husband and I have been together for 5 1/2 years and it has been good up until the last year.  Almost a year ago he had an affair with a girl he met on the internet.  He has been chatting on the internet again and has been having a phone and sex relationship with another woman.   

He tell me that this gives him an adrenaline rush when he does this behind my back.  He also contacted the past person he had an affair with because he was getting mental messed up.  He thinks that having affairs online is normal.  I have asked him to go to counseling but he won't, he thinks there is nothing wrong with this.   

We went to counseling over the first affair and things seemed to get better.  I love this man with all my heart and soul and he is a great person with a problem.  I need some feed back on what to do to help him get his head out of you know where. 

You really need to twist his arm and make him seek therapy beacuase it is not normal. I wish I could offer more and hope you can work this out. Just be understanding and don't lose your temper and say things you will later regret. 
 
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qqqhhh
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December 2, 2005, 2:50 pm PST

Hmmm...

Quote From: markke

I am embarressed to ask this but my marriage is more important. My wife caught me masterbating to a bikini contest on the internet. Her father growing up had a Playboy subscription, some good friends of ours parents own a couple of adult book stores as well. We have a good and normal sex life. Neither of us has any desire to be with another person. She is very very upset and is talking divorce after being married for 2 years and having a child together. Can anyone PLEASE respond?

Why is she upset?  You didn't mention that. 

  

I am going to assume that there are 2 reasons for her upset. 

  

#1)  She equates a bikini contest to pornography and doesn't like the fact that it turned you on. and/or 

#2)  She is upset because you weren't having sex with HER. 

  

IF you and she had an agreement not to watch porn on the internet and she defines a bikini contest as porn, and you don't, then you guys have a difference of opinion. 

  

Some women compare themselves to the fantasies on TV/internet and somehow see themselves as not measuring up to the image.  So it's also possible your wife has a low self-image -- that sure won't help your situation any. 

  

If you care about your wife, the most important thing you can do is ALLOW her her feelings, try to look at what happened from her point of view.  If you feel you didn't do anything wrong and she does, you guys need to try and find some middle ground here. 

  

The only way to work through this issue is by communicating, negotiating and forgiving -- if you can't do that get some counseling. 

  

Good luck! Q 
 
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kcitsme3
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December 4, 2005, 5:52 am PST

like Dr. Phil says

Quote From: ksm072466

My husband and I have been together for 5 1/2 years and it has been good up until the last year.  Almost a year ago he had an affair with a girl he met on the internet.  He has been chatting on the internet again and has been having a phone and sex relationship with another woman.   

He tell me that this gives him an adrenaline rush when he does this behind my back.  He also contacted the past person he had an affair with because he was getting mental messed up.  He thinks that having affairs online is normal.  I have asked him to go to counseling but he won't, he thinks there is nothing wrong with this.   

We went to counseling over the first affair and things seemed to get better.  I love this man with all my heart and soul and he is a great person with a problem.  I need some feed back on what to do to help him get his head out of you know where. 

You teach people how to treat you. How in the world did you find this all out? And how did it become acceptable in your marriage at all? You describe his activities as if you are not sure if he is wrong....HE IS! 

Take it from someone who was "the other woman online". I married him. 

This guy is GOING to leave you if you hang around and allow this behavior. In the mean time, you will feel so badly about yourself you will lose your self esteem (if you have any left now) in the process. 

Looking at porn online is one thing. Actually contacting another person (either by phone or email) is CHEATING. You must not accept this if you expect to have any hope of a happy marriage. Tell him to stop, get counseling, or leave. 
 
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ksm072466
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December 4, 2005, 7:43 am PST

Is This Normal?

Quote From: kcitsme3

You teach people how to treat you. How in the world did you find this all out? And how did it become acceptable in your marriage at all? You describe his activities as if you are not sure if he is wrong....HE IS! 

Take it from someone who was "the other woman online". I married him. 

This guy is GOING to leave you if you hang around and allow this behavior. In the mean time, you will feel so badly about yourself you will lose your self esteem (if you have any left now) in the process. 

Looking at porn online is one thing. Actually contacting another person (either by phone or email) is CHEATING. You must not accept this if you expect to have any hope of a happy marriage. Tell him to stop, get counseling, or leave. 

Thanks for the feedback.  I found this all out by checking his email.  We know each others passwords and go into each other accounts all the time.  Well I went into his and he was forwarding something to another account.  Well it just seemed like an email address that he would use.  I did not know the password but figured it out.   

I am having a real hard time with this because I saw this kind of stuff go on while I was growing up.  I honestly believe that I am treating this how I saw my mom treat it and that is to forgive him and not really deal with it.   

We were talking yesterday and I asked him how he would feel if I was to do something like this and he says to me angry, sad, hurt and etc.   Then I asked him why he would feel this way and he could not answer that question to me.  This made me feel like he is not admitting that he has an issue and that this is wrong.   
 
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ksm072466
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December 4, 2005, 7:57 am PST

Is This Normal?

Quote From: markke

I am embarressed to ask this but my marriage is more important. My wife caught me masterbating to a bikini contest on the internet. Her father growing up had a Playboy subscription, some good friends of ours parents own a couple of adult book stores as well. We have a good and normal sex life. Neither of us has any desire to be with another person. She is very very upset and is talking divorce after being married for 2 years and having a child together. Can anyone PLEASE respond?
I am kinda dealing with the same issue.  I think that masterbating is normal and that she needs to take another look at her sexuality.   Are you telling me that she never masterbats and thinks of someone else.  We all have fantasies and it seems that this is one of yours.   If you were doing as my husband is doing then it would be different but I honestly think that you have done nothing wrong.  
 
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kcitsme3
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December 4, 2005, 8:07 am PST

Of course

Quote From: ksm072466

Thanks for the feedback.  I found this all out by checking his email.  We know each others passwords and go into each other accounts all the time.  Well I went into his and he was forwarding something to another account.  Well it just seemed like an email address that he would use.  I did not know the password but figured it out.   

I am having a real hard time with this because I saw this kind of stuff go on while I was growing up.  I honestly believe that I am treating this how I saw my mom treat it and that is to forgive him and not really deal with it.   

We were talking yesterday and I asked him how he would feel if I was to do something like this and he says to me angry, sad, hurt and etc.   Then I asked him why he would feel this way and he could not answer that question to me.  This made me feel like he is not admitting that he has an issue and that this is wrong.   

You are allowing him to hae his cake and eat it too!! Why i the world would he admit he is wrong and change? 

Does he talk to you mockingly? I mean, how can he stand there and say he would be angry hurt and sad if you did the things he does????  

What you need to ask him is what would he DO if he found out you were doing this! If he answers you honestly, it is probably how he feels you should handle him, deep down inside. 

Do you mind me asking how old you are? 

What are his good qualities? Do you and he have an exciting sex life? 
 
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