Topic : Is This Normal?

There is not problem. You can have orgasms through sex, Sex is more then the penis entering the vagina. Clitoral stimulation is a part of sex as well, and a very important part at that. It is not you it is women all around. Only 30% or so of women can orgasm through vaginal stimulation by the penis. So really you don't have a problem nor is there any medication for it.

I suggest you make clitoral stimulation part of your regular sex routine. You can do it yourself or have your partner do it. You can do it by hand mouth or use a small vibrator. This will help you get orgasms when you have sex with your husband.

It is unfortunate that the myth exists that you can orgasm via stimulation of the vagina by a penis. It can be traced back to the victorian era in which a lot of women displayed signs of a disease called "hysteria." In that time the only form sex allowed was the missionary position. So a lot of women (around 70%) would not have an orgasm. There for they became sexually frustrated, and started to display the symptoms of hysteria. Recovery was that a docter would stimulate the clitores (untill they orgasmed.)

So don't worry you are not sick weird or otherwise strange. It has frustrated a lot of women in the past and still the present day. Just work in the clitoral stimulation and then you can have an orgasm with your partner aswell.

Good luck,

Oet Gäöl

Hi! I am a married mother.

I'm not very happy in my marriage. Lately ( a few months now) I have been having fantasy about having sex with womens. Out in the real world I don't look at women like that but on the internet I just can't stop. I've been going on lesbiens and bi-sexual sites but have not have the courage to post anything. From what I've read it seems normal cause it seems there's a lot of woman wanting to explore. Like I said I'm not happy in my marriage, he's not a bad guy I just don't think he has a clue and maybe a woman would and I don't only mean sexualy.

I guess what I would like is some input on how I'm feeling. Maybe somebody reading this has been in the same situation.

Thanks for listening.

I'm going out on a limb here but I'm guessing that you can have an orgasm when you masturbate and that she is the first sex partner you have had or that you couldn't with the others either.

I think that you're problem is probably psychological. You focuss your energy to much on getting a climax and are worried about not getting one. When you have sex, your head is spinning like crazy thinking all kind off thing and having all kind of worries. In turn this means that you are not in the moment, you are thinking about the past worrieing about the future but not feeling in the now. You are not enjoying the sex in the way that you could and therefor you cannot orgasm.

That it is going on for a long time makes it even worse. you failed the last time so I have to preform which makes that you can't. So next time you feel even more pressure which makes it even worse and so on.

Now I wan't you to start getting back in the moment again. Being their with yourself and your partner. I want to ask you to try the following excresizes: You will sit accross each other on the bed naked. looking in each others eyes. You will take turns and tell something about the other you like. This will help you feel at ease with you being naked around her and it will let you know that she appreachiates you.

Then try a full body massage. This will help you two get intimate whith each other without any pressure of preforming. It also helps you two get accostumed with her touching your body and you touching hers.

You can try meditating. It helps you learn to empty your mind and be in touch with your body and your surroundings you will learn how to get in the moment.

Last when you do have sex take time to build it up. Take a long evening for it. start by cooking a meal. lite some candles and feed each other small bites of food. take a bath together kissing stroking but not the genital area. dry each other off and take her to the bedroom and give a massage there after that you can touch each other genitals and start making it happen for real. This builds up the sexual tension really high and helps you get ready for the intercourse part of it. It makes it easier to get an orgasm that way. Most important part here is that you don't go to when you are going to have sex but stay in the moment.

I hoped I could help you and that you can get pleasure out of sex (once again)

Oet Gäöl

P.S. I'm not a sexologist and if my advice doesn't work I suggest you get help there they can help you a lot better then any message board user can. take care

Well what I read in your message is that you don't really like women but you are just not satisfied with your partner. What you should do is talk to him. Not what he does wrong but give hints like "I would love it if you would ..." or better "Oh I so like ..."

And when it comes to sex that is even more true, he doesn't have the same package as you so he doesn't know what turn you on. Just guide him a little. show what you like in your body and voice (just accentuate a little.) Or guide him a bit with your hands over his hands making movements you like for instance.

You will need to help him know what you like, he can't smell it unfortunatly. After a while he will probably pick it up on his own.

I hope you can work this out with him on your own or with a little help.

xx Oet Gäöl

I am in my 2nd marriage and love my husband dearly. However, I cannot seem to get thru to him that I don't have any interest in sex. As a child I was sexually molested by a family member. I said nothing at the time when I was 8-9 years of age. When I was about 29 years old I finally began to share what happened. Turns out that I was not the only family member this happened to. While dating my husband and early on in our marriage sex was great and frequent. However, since I had my last child who is now about to turn 9 I have had a significant loss of interest when it comes to sex. I enjoy cuddling, kissing, spending time together but nothing more. I actually cringe when my husband touches me in any way that can be a footstool to having a sexual experience with him. I am now 43. Can this be a delay from not dealing with the sexual abuse as a child?

Well I think this is something that we (the other board users) cannot answer for you, nor really help you with. You could try seeing a psychologist or sexologist for it if you want to (it wouldn't be wierd to do that for this kind of problem!!) I hope that you can solve this in a way that you can feel comfortable with.

Take care,

Oet Gäöl