Topic : Is This Normal?

I have been married two years. My husband is affectionate. Loves to hold hands, put his arm around me etc...But when it comes to long passionate kisses and sex...he is very timid. We have averaged sex appx once a week since getting married however it was like scheduled sex, the same day everyweek, early morning etc...If  I tried to initiate sex inbetween the one day a week I get eye rolling like a kid, hissing, and remarks like dont touch me, I am not in the mood....When I try to kiss him passionately he withdraws from the kiss before I do..Now I am noticing that our sex is turning into every two weeks and right now it has been 3 weeks, the longest ever. He does not have any physical problem. If I can get past his "I'm not in the mood" everything works perfect. He says he is very happy and loves me. He can not imagine life without me. I know he is not cheating...there are no signs of cheating here. But if he loves me, why can he not see how hurt I am by this behavior and feeling of worry? I have never been in a realtionship where the man is not in the mood alot. He does drink alot of beer and sometimes prefers to sit in bed and do this while watching TV then to put it down and make love to me instead...I do not know what to do, he will not go to counseling and I am taking this extremely personal. I am attractive and fit and even his male peers constantly tell him how lucky he is to have me..They wish they could have me, but my husband does and pushes me away constantly. ANY ADVICE?

Wow you're brining out the canons in order to kill a mosquito. Though the trust issue has to be dealt with and it may indeed require some counseling. But overall you are way overreacting. This is not some wierdo or atyppical behaviour, this is in fact common regular normal behaviour of men and indeed women.

Well okay most don't run off to the bathroom with a picture of their wifes younger sister but still. We all fantasize, and even if you don't want to admit it we all fantasize about people we know sometimes. Haven't you ever thought about a friend or a friends friend, neighbour, gym teacher or whomever that he was cute and what you'd like to do to him/her or he/she'd do to you?

It is even so that during sex many fantasize about others not because they don't love their partner or don't find them sexy but because in order to get an orgasm we need to focus o n ourselves for a little while so that we can achieve the state needed to achieve orgasm (it can be done if you keep focussing on your partner it just becomes (a lot) harder)

also this was a picture of her 18 year old sister nothing wierd about the age difference their either. I mean did you think all those porn sites are paid for just by lonely men and curious teens?

So okay it might be a scary thought of him doing that to her sister and their might be an issue of trust but it is not as big as you proclaim it to be.

Wow you're brining out the canons in order to kill a mosquito. Though the trust issue has to be dealt with and it may indeed require some counseling. But overall you are way overreacting. This is not some wierdo or atyppical behaviour, this is in fact common regular normal behaviour of men and indeed women.

Well okay most don't run off to the bathroom with a picture of their wifes younger sister but still. We all fantasize, and even if you don't want to admit it we all fantasize about people we know sometimes. Haven't you ever thought about a friend or a friends friend, neighbour, gym teacher or whomever that he was cute and what you'd like to do to him/her or he/she'd do to you?

It is even so that during sex many fantasize about others not because they don't love their partner or don't find them sexy but because in order to get an orgasm we need to focus o n ourselves for a little while so that we can achieve the state needed to achieve orgasm (it can be done if you keep focussing on your partner it just becomes (a lot) harder)

also this was a picture of her 18 year old sister nothing wierd about the age difference their either. I mean did you think all those porn sites are paid for just by lonely men and curious teens?

So okay it might be a scary thought of him doing that to her sister and their might be an issue of trust but it is not as big as you proclaim it to be.

Hmm I don't know if it crosses a li ne of familliarity. I think that that line is more in the mind of the observer then the subject. When masturbating the guy or girl you are fantasizing about is nothing more then an object, a means to an end. It could have been the neighbour or the neighbours daughter or... well you get the point.

In the eye of the observer it is much more significant. She feels less close to the neighbour then to her own sister and even less close then that is some celeberty. That means se feels less hurt by it very understandebly.

I must say here that I do not blame her for feelig hurt, betrayed and disgusted it is the man in this that could have thought about the implications of him masturbating to her. And even then he still could've left the picture and done it by fantasy alone. I think that in this the man is at fault.

So in essence I think that the man in this did nothing abnormal, in choosing an object for his fantasies. Even though he wasn't thinking about the implecations of using the sister as an object in his fantasies. It is worse if he also has true feelings for her. What lies between them is an issue of trust, betrail, disgust and maybe more. It might be that they need help in dealing with this, but that is something they should decide about. I think that they should not just run off to therapy if they feel they can do it on themselves.

And still the age is an non issue in this. isn't the whole fantasy thing invented to get you the best you can possibly get. I mean there are 1000's of sites featuring "barely legal girls" (515000 according to a major search engine) They aren't their just because we have a lot of single teens and tweens. Most men want to see girls in the prime of their lives around twenty years of age. Why else would all pornstars have implants lifts and lot's of make-up on. It is all about the perfect girl, or rather what we as a society see as a perfect girl. You know the cheerleading, sporting, straight A student who is blond skinny tall, has a hourglass figure and has large breasts. The ultimate fantasy of our society. Not to my liking either, deversity is the flavor of the world ofcourse, but it is the way it is.

Now, I realize that if I wrote the first reply I would have written something else, less strong and more empathic. I replied to you, setting a word against yours to balance it a bit. It was not my intention not to take the woman seriously or feel silly for feeling betrayed or disgusted.