Topic : Is This Normal?

Quote From: fire_fly_lady

Just looking for some feed back.

A few mo's ago my husband and I were fighting and it looked like he was leaving me for good.

I found out about A week later that he had called up my daughter 25 who is married if he could be with her sexually he said some creepy things and she flipped out. Of course however he blamed it on being drunk and he pleated with me to be able to work things out with me.

I agreed to but by doing that I have ruined any normal relationship with my daughter.

What to do. Make it work or not?

any ideas? am I a creep?

Quote From: PennyLane78

"When masturbating the guy or girl you are fantasizing about is nothing more then an object, a means to an end."

Sometimes. Sometimes not. If it's someone that is a mutual friend, family member or interested party that is a line of familiarity that is clearly crossed. If that upsets a person I don't think they are out of line. I don't think my advice was out of line. That was my point.

"I must say here that I do not blame her for feeling hurt, betrayed and disgusted it is the man in this that could have thought about the implications of him masturbating to her. And even then he still could've left the picture and done it by fantasy alone. I think that in this the man is at fault."

I personally wouldn't go that far myself, you have the right to feel that way. But I don't think there is any real "fault" here...if he was just using this picture as an object to create an orgasm then I think that it was poor judgment, but it's not something I'd recommend anyone lose their mind over. If he IS attracted to his SIL then it's no ones "fault"...attraction is something people have little or even no control over. It simply IS and should be dealt with. But either of these things are serious...or at least could be serious to someone.

"And still the age is an non issue in this."

Not in my opinion. If he gets his jollies BECAUSE she's very young then that is an issue that should at least be looked at. If this is a picture of her when she's 14 or something like that then he has an issue to deal with that could have legal implication if he let it fester into something more.

One last thing I want to say is I believe fantasies are private (mostly, I'm talking personal private fantasies here, not mutual fantasies) for 2 reasons. 1-Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts, even if they are married. Those thoughts are no one's business, even the spouse. 2-Fantasies can be taken out of context or misunderstood by others. I think it's just best to keep those kinds of personal things very personal. (Again, I'm not talking about the fantasies you share. I'm talking about personal little things that are meant for only the person who thinks them.)

Quote From: oet_gaol

Well okay fault may not have been the choice of word here but that is partly due to a language barrier. Though I thnk my English is pretty good I still am at a loss for words at times, that I can only think of what I wan't to say in Dutch.

 

Yeah sure if he uses the pictures of her being 14 then that is a mayer problem (even though I do have to say that not every pedophile is a predator and not every predator is a pedophile see:http://www2.hu-berlin.de/sexology/ (it is somewhere on this site Ibelieve however it has been several years since I read it and I couldn't find it anymore))

 

To the last I agree fantasies are private. Though it can be an enrichment to a couples sex life if they share their fantasies. This takes ofcourse a great deal of courage, tact (by both partners) and trust. If a couple wants to share a fantasie they should way individually if it is a fantasy they are willing to share and if they think their partner can handle the fantasy. It is often best to start of with a small fantasy and building your way up. Telling fantasies can be a great form of foreplay aswell if both partners are accepting of each others fantasies.

But that on a side note

Quote From: PennyLane78

I agree when it comes to fantasies that can be fulfilled by a partner. But when I said personal fantasies I meant more like, personal day dreams. Things that a person doesn't necessarily want to come true, just fun little thoughts. I have my silly fantasy of being snowed in a cabin with a really hot guy...LOL It's silly, but it's my own thing. It really has nothing to do with my husband at all. Just a fun thought of my very own.

I do know what you mean though...sexual desires are a good thing to share with ones partner.

Also, looking at a picture of a 14 year old doesn't make someone a pedophile, it does make them an ephebophile. Two very different things. But in our society (Or at least in the US) that kind of sexual desire is considered criminal if acted upon (most of the time anyway) and it something to be very concerned about IMO.

Quote From: oet_gaol

Ah right you'll have to excuse me on the term here I read it once before and in common language pedophile usually refers to anyone who likes under aged girls. And indeed looking at a picture doesn't make them a ephebophile even acting upon it doesn't necessarily make one an ephebophile. (Some people, mostly men, do it because they feel they cannot get a girl of their own age.)

 

What I always do wonder about the age of consent is how it is treated in special situation. For instance two 15 year old having sex together (In theory they'd both rape each other) or a 15 year old and a 17 or 18 year old. (all combinations that aren't unthinkable or weird by most peoples standards) Would a judge really convict someone in the cases above if the 15 year old consented (even though they legally can't)

In some countries they have set age of consent to 14 (Germany for instance) or 13 (Spain for instance) that would probably prevent these things from happening as most teens start with sex at age 15 or over (in Germany and the Netherlands at least)

Quote From: oet_gaol

Ah right you'll have to excuse me on the term here I read it once before and in common language pedophile usually refers to anyone who likes under aged girls. And indeed looking at a picture doesn't make them a ephebophile even acting upon it doesn't necessarily make one an ephebophile. (Some people, mostly men, do it because they feel they cannot get a girl of their own age.)

 

What I always do wonder about the age of consent is how it is treated in special situation. For instance two 15 year old having sex together (In theory they'd both rape each other) or a 15 year old and a 17 or 18 year old. (all combinations that aren't unthinkable or weird by most peoples standards) Would a judge really convict someone in the cases above if the 15 year old consented (even though they legally can't)

In some countries they have set age of consent to 14 (Germany for instance) or 13 (Spain for instance) that would probably prevent these things from happening as most teens start with sex at age 15 or over (in Germany and the Netherlands at least)

Quote From: just_me26

I am a little paranoid about getting cheated on... I found a condom in my toilet and my bf claims that he used it to jack off because it was cleaner. I have never been able to prove if he has cheated on my. Phone record seems clean and he allows me to look at all this email stuff. But Really do guys do that?? How good can a cheater be?

Quote From: just_me26

I am a little paranoid about getting cheated on... I found a condom in my toilet and my bf claims that he used it to jack off because it was cleaner. I have never been able to prove if he has cheated on my. Phone record seems clean and he allows me to look at all this email stuff. But Really do guys do that?? How good can a cheater be?