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Topic : Is This Normal?

Number of Replies: 1127
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:19:40 pm
Author : dataimport
Your partner asked you to do WHAT? Some things are taboo. Some things are common but just not discussed. Where does your sex life fit in?

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September 4, 2008, 4:11 pm CDT

Is This Normal?

Quote From: secrettiger

Yes, what you did was wrong. Thats your child. I don't care if she was 95. Thats your baby girl that your husband just asked to have sex with. Forget it's just "talk" he was trying to act on that talk. So he thinks so little of you that he would try to have sex with your baby girl. Thats a sick man, & you deserve better. Your child needs to know that even though she is 25 you are still her mommy & can still protect her, at the least from the sexual advances of her own husband.

I agree with this 100%. Being drunk is no excuse for trying to sexually engadge your own daughter. I can guarantee you that he did want to do more than just talk to her about being sexual, and I'm sure that he would want to take no ownership of it and just blame it on the drink.

 

Honestly, I don't blame your daughter for being angry. Her own mother just chose to side with a perverse drunk instead of protecting her. I wouldn't be surpised if she feels like you value a relationship with him, someone who does sick things and blames anything but himself, instead of a mother/child relationship in which neither of you even think about sexual activity with eachother. I'm sure she feels hurt and betrayed that you even allow him to still be in your life.

 
September 11, 2008, 6:07 am CDT

My husband prefers porn to me

I have been married for 18 years, and for the last 5-6 years our sex life has been going downhill.  For the last 2 years, my husband and I have had sex 4 times in total.  the last time was over 6 months ago.  When I bring it up, he states that he is in pain (back) and that he is not in the mood because of it.  When we have had sex, it was I who pretty much begged for it.  I can't fdo that anymore.  The other day I caught him looking at reagular and then kinky porn for 5 hours as soon as I left the house.  The type of porn really bothers me - it started out as women and heterosexual couples in hard core positions and then it took a left turn and stayed there to she-male explicit sites for over 3 hours.  When I confronted him with it, he said it was not that long and that he was only curious.  He also said he fell asleep in the middle, but my evidence does not show that, it shows concious clicking every 30 seconds.  Is this commonplace?  Is he gay? How can I get over the hurt.  He says he loves me, but I feel invisible and undesirable.

 
September 11, 2008, 12:10 pm CDT

Is This Normal?

Quote From: haloweenbaby

I have been married for 18 years, and for the last 5-6 years our sex life has been going downhill.  For the last 2 years, my husband and I have had sex 4 times in total.  the last time was over 6 months ago.  When I bring it up, he states that he is in pain (back) and that he is not in the mood because of it.  When we have had sex, it was I who pretty much begged for it.  I can't fdo that anymore.  The other day I caught him looking at reagular and then kinky porn for 5 hours as soon as I left the house.  The type of porn really bothers me - it started out as women and heterosexual couples in hard core positions and then it took a left turn and stayed there to she-male explicit sites for over 3 hours.  When I confronted him with it, he said it was not that long and that he was only curious.  He also said he fell asleep in the middle, but my evidence does not show that, it shows concious clicking every 30 seconds.  Is this commonplace?  Is he gay? How can I get over the hurt.  He says he loves me, but I feel invisible and undesirable.

Here's the thing...if your husband is gay, or has leaning towards something other than what you can actually offer him (meaning, you are not a she-male, you are not a male, you are not transsexual or anything like that, you are a straight female) he is going to have a hard time admitting that.

He will especially have a hard time admitting that if your approach is sharply defensive, or offensive. I am not saying you aren't entitled to FEEL offended or defensive. But I am saying, if you want the truth, you are more likely to get it by showing him that your concern isn't about revenge, or "getting him"....but that you want the truth so the two of you can figure out the best path possible for happiness, either together or apart.

I know that sounds really hard, and I am sure it is. But if you go to him and say, in a sympathetic, "I will be there for you" kind of way,  "What's going on with you? I want to know so we can both lead happy lives, as happy as possible. I care about you, you've been my best friend for 18 years and if I cannot make you happy sexually we both need to admit it."

Once he feels that you are open to hearing the truth, then the truth will be MORE likely to come out.

I don't want you to LIE to him. I am only stating how *I* would handle this. I would desire for my husband, who IS my best friend, to be happy, even if it breaks my heart.  I would hope we could preserve a friendship, even if that means we divorce and move on romantically.

That's just my perspective....

It's quite possible he IS just curious...but for that many hours...I tend to think not.
 
September 11, 2008, 2:52 pm CDT

My husband never wants it...

Is it normal to have a husband who is just not interested in sex? We have been married only a year and a half and now have a baby on the way. The norm for our sex life was about once a week before we got married but since then it has slowed down to every other weekend. Now that I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant its now down to nothing, we have had sex twice since I got pregnant. I feel repulsive or something. We are in our early 30s and are very fit healthy people.  I don't understand whats wrong with him, or is it me? I have talked with him about this numerous times and he agrees that something should change and we will have sex that night or the next but then its absent again for another 4 weeks or until I cry to him about it. Should I just give up and wait for him to initiate or should I keep reminding him we're husband and wife, not roomates?

 

FYI.... Every other aspect in our marraige is perfect. We are best friends!

 
September 11, 2008, 3:09 pm CDT

Is This Normal?

Quote From: shayd_c

Is it normal to have a husband who is just not interested in sex? We have been married only a year and a half and now have a baby on the way. The norm for our sex life was about once a week before we got married but since then it has slowed down to every other weekend. Now that I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant its now down to nothing, we have had sex twice since I got pregnant. I feel repulsive or something. We are in our early 30s and are very fit healthy people.  I don't understand whats wrong with him, or is it me? I have talked with him about this numerous times and he agrees that something should change and we will have sex that night or the next but then its absent again for another 4 weeks or until I cry to him about it. Should I just give up and wait for him to initiate or should I keep reminding him we're husband and wife, not roomates?

 

FYI.... Every other aspect in our marraige is perfect. We are best friends!

It's very common for the sex drives of mom and dad to go up or down during pregnancy and the first year of the baby's life. I don't think you husband finds you repulsive. If anything, the most common thing is men feel like they might hurt the mom or the baby or they feel like "perverts" for wanting to have sex so near a baby...and feeling like a pervert is a major turn off.

Right or wrong, the sex and romance sometimes take a back seat during pregnancy and while there is an infant. That isn't true for EVERYONE, but it's true for a good lot of people.

I would keep talking about it. Maybe he has fears or concerns he's too embarrassed to share with you. Maybe he has a hard time seeing a pregnant woman as a sexual being....he sees you in a new light, as a mother and that takes some adjustment.  And if by chance he is turned off by the pregnant look, it's not as if it's permanent. You only have a few more months to go.

The best friend aspect will carry you a lot farther for now than the sexual thing...I didn't have sex during almost my entire pregnancy. I didn't  want to do it and he was afraid of hurting me. (I had a major hemorrhage during my 6th week and that kinda put us both out of the mood for sex.) But we had every OTHER intimate part of our relationship in full bloom. The physical part had to take a back seat for a while.

Things ebb and flow...even in marriage. The sex will be there again...one day when your baby is sleeping through the night it'll come back full force!
 
September 19, 2008, 3:55 pm CDT

oh boy...

 
September 19, 2008, 4:00 pm CDT

oops

ok, i have known this man for 3 years. we dated, we took a 2 year break and are now very happily in love and together and plannin our wedding. we both feel we are soul mates.

heres the thing, we both love sex, are open about our desires, respect each others limits...we have a GREAT sexual relationship. a few months ago he pulled 2 knew tricks out of the hat, pulling my hair hard enough to make my head go back and then choking me, its not to the point of passing out and he stops when i pull on his hand but im worried that this new thing is the beginning of something wierd or it is a red flag that he will strangle me in my sleep. i also need to add he had an asault case againt him a few years ago. but if you meet him he is the nicest, kindest person, he is AMAZING with kids and is the one that stays level headed in fights. so im REALLY confused.

 
September 21, 2008, 5:47 pm CDT

Is This Normal?

Quote From: elliemae1977

ok, i have known this man for 3 years. we dated, we took a 2 year break and are now very happily in love and together and plannin our wedding. we both feel we are soul mates.

heres the thing, we both love sex, are open about our desires, respect each others limits...we have a GREAT sexual relationship. a few months ago he pulled 2 knew tricks out of the hat, pulling my hair hard enough to make my head go back and then choking me, its not to the point of passing out and he stops when i pull on his hand but im worried that this new thing is the beginning of something wierd or it is a red flag that he will strangle me in my sleep. i also need to add he had an asault case againt him a few years ago. but if you meet him he is the nicest, kindest person, he is AMAZING with kids and is the one that stays level headed in fights. so im REALLY confused.

Clearly these are things you don't want that he does to you. So you should say this isn't something you want to do during sex. If he can't respect that then you know you'll need to get out and he needs to get help. (after the professional gives an okay you can always move back.)

 

I think that the choking is purely a sexual thing but I didn't met the guy so I can't be sure, listen to your instincts. THe pulling of the hair is usual in many couples's sex life, but still if you don't like it he shouldn't do it anymore.

 
September 27, 2008, 11:32 pm CDT

Sex life has declined

My husband and I have been together for 8 years. During the first 3 years our sex life was good, but the last 5 years there has been a steady decline and now we might have sex once every 4 months. I am 47 and he is 42, his sex drive is almost non-existent, while I would like to have at least twice a month. Our relationship is great, we enjoy time together and are very affectionate towards each other. Our friends see us as the ideal couple because we get along so well. We have talked about the situation and he assures me that his feelings for me have not changed and he never thought that he would ever be the one not in the mood. Can anyone shed some light on this situation?

 
October 2, 2008, 5:03 pm CDT

Is This Normal?

Quote From: mccall

My husband and I have been together for 8 years. During the first 3 years our sex life was good, but the last 5 years there has been a steady decline and now we might have sex once every 4 months. I am 47 and he is 42, his sex drive is almost non-existent, while I would like to have at least twice a month. Our relationship is great, we enjoy time together and are very affectionate towards each other. Our friends see us as the ideal couple because we get along so well. We have talked about the situation and he assures me that his feelings for me have not changed and he never thought that he would ever be the one not in the mood. Can anyone shed some light on this situation?

Very little or no sexual desire is called "Hypo-Active Sexual Desire." (Not Hyper. Hypo) There are several reasons for this, and some good ways to solve it.

Ask yourself a few questions, do you have kids? How much time do you spend with them? If there is a case of you having to spend a lot of time with your kids, it might be a good idea to try setting an alotted time for yourselves in which  Mom and Dad close their door and the kids entertain themselves until mom and dad are done.

Or here's another suggestion. When you have sex, is there much foreplay? Consider very deeply, I mean really think about it, how satisfied are you with the act of sex altogether? How much is it about getting into the act of intercourse, and how much is it about sharing intimacy with each other? Sex is more than just intercourse, and foreplay, as well as what you do after intercourse, is very important. If you feel you focus more about just the act of intercourse itself rather than the intimacy involved in sex that you had before, then here's a good way to help get things back to how you liked them before. (We are learning about this in my Human Sexuality class) it's called "Sensory Focus." You start by giving each other a sensual massage, BUT here's the kicker, you cannot have sex. Sensory Focus is entirely about just that, the senses.Take off all of your clothes with him and lay down on the bed, either on your back or on your stomach. Have him massage you (or you can massage him) in a slow sensual way, but don't go straight for each other's genitalia. Pay more attention to the rest of each other's bodies, especially to how you feel when a certain part is rubbed or touched. Make note, whether vocally or by smiling or giving him a certain look in the eye (eye contact and voice is really important too) Then, turn over and do the other side. Try this a few times instead of just getting right down to intercourse itself, and you can slowly work your way from doing just a massage of the body, to massaging the body and the genitalia, and eventually add sexual activity to the end of it. Before you know it, you've added a new kind of foreplay into the bedroom.

Keep in mind that you aren't alone when you say you have this problem. Lots more people have it than you might think, but a lot less would actually admit it. There are ways of solving such situations, so keep your chin up.
 
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