Topic : Is This Normal?

In my last respondse that last paragraph was me asking him how he would feel if I did it.  I am 39 and he is 33.  He seemed like he was taking more responsiblity yesterday when we had a talk.  He normally does not show his feelings to much.  He stuffs them inside and that is why we get to this point.  I come from a past where I do not like to be the agressive one when it comes to sex and he is shy so we have trouble there too.  I told him that if we can work through this that I am not longer going to worry about being turned away and that I am going to become the aggressor in the relationship.  I am not sure if this is wrong or not.  He is a very good man and that is why I am having a hard time too.  We dont fight or anything.  It just that he seems to need the relationships behind my back.  Ya I understand that he cheated online this time, but it was only a matter of time before he went and got the real stuff.  He says he would not have gone that far.  He says that he was doing good with it until the last month and things got out of hand and then he was so deep in he did not know what to do.  I believe what he says because he does not like to lie.  We go to church and are faith that way.  All I know is that I am very confused and not sure what direction is the right direction.

You might all think im too young but seriously this is bothering me more than anything, i just want some advice.  What is wrong with me. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a couple months and i have never had an orgasm in my life  even before him and he thinks its him, is it?  or is it me? Why cant i have an orgasm! I get so so close and nothing happens and at first it was because I was kinda scared of them because i didn't know what to expect. But seriously now i want to have one and its not happening! Can someone help me?

I am in a nearly 2 year long relationship. We have just moved in together.   There is one thing however that has been really bothering me.  My boyfriend seems to have a porn addiction and i dont know what to do.   I feel as though he is looking at porn as soon as i leave the house and doesn't stop until he knows im gonna be home soon.   It makes me feel undesirable and I feel as though I can't compete with what he is looking at or wants.   Sometimes in the morning if he wakes up early and cant fall back asleep he goes and masturbates to porn while im sleeping in the bedroom right under him.   I've mentioned to   him that i feel hurt knowing that he is doing that while i am in the house.   I've also walked in on him a couple of times.   He seems to initially get upset knowing that he is causing me to be sad but then it just happens again.   Also, he doesn't often initiate sex between us so I usually do it.   It makes me feel as though he prefers me to the porn.   We both know he looks at porn but he still tries to hide it (not very well though) He looks at and downloads porn easily 5 or 6 days a week but I know it would be 7 if given the opportunity.   How do I make him realize how hurt I am and come to a resolution we can both agree on?

It's never going to happen if you dont learn to relax. there is nothing wrong with you and no its not your boyfriend either.   if all you are thinking about during the activity is whether or not you will orgasm, the  pressure will dampen the mood.   try to put your mind in a different place.  also when something seems to be working, commuunicate it to your partner so that he knows not to stop.   and trust me, they are not scary....  about the furthest thing from it...    : )      relax and good luck

You say we might think you are too young, how old are you?

The fact that you have to initiate sex all the time is troubling. Is he nervous about something? How much sexual experience does he have? Is he lazy? How is the rest of your relationship? 

My husband uses porn, and if I do not have sex with him it would be daily. I don't mind at all. I came to the realization that for him, it is not about me or our relationship (I can't speak for your man). By the time a women gets a man, they have been masturbating since puberty. It is a habit, it feels good, and it can be harmless. 

The key to it is be really open about it when you talk about it. Tell him you realize he does it and you want reassurance that it will not take the place of a normal sex life. Since I have been really accepting and open about it (for years now), it has become less and less exciting for him. Part of the excitement is the fact that it is secret, he does it alone, and you do not approve. It's kinkier if it is clandestine. 

Anyways, I don't profess to know if I am right to be the way I am about porn, but it works for me. There is another message board that I am a part of "How porn affects your relationship" and there are a lot of experienced women on there. Most are strictly anti porn, but some aren't. And there is some pretty good information on the board. Just don't get sucked in to one side or the other. Read all posts and then do what feels right for you. 

Good luck! 

I just turned 20 in Nov!

Me and my partner of 4 1/2 years are having some issues, so I desided that untill they are totally resolved that I would prefur not to be sexually active. My problem is that last night I woke to my partner having me gripping his penis, and moving my hand up and down to jerk him off. I didn't know what to do, so i just acted as though I was still asleep. I have been having these dreams of him doing sexual things to my, and I told him this. He just reasured me that it was just my imagination. I was dreaming the hole time. I have been going to sleep nights and waking up with the smell of him on me the next morning, i felt that i was just imagining these things also. So i then confronted him about it again, he told me that if he is doing these things that it is him sleepwalking, because he is sooo sexually frustrated. Whan this thing happend to my last night, i am now sertain that he was not sleep walking. I want to just hell him off, and pick one of the things that he has given me during our relationship and just distroy it. I think that that will make me feel better. I don't think that I am over reacting at all, but i just wanted someone elses oppinon so i know that me feelings of anger and desrace are not unusual.

Porn/sex addiction can be a REAL problem for some people.  Try the library/bookstore to understand the problem more. 

  

I have found that knowledge is power -- and you may need to have a real heart to heart with your boyfriend about how his actions and seeming lack of concern for your feelings is affecting YOU. 

  

I think the more you communicate about it instead of sweeping the issue under the rug, perhaps some solutions will present themselves. 

  

Q 

He is telling you LIES.  At a minimum he is molesting you and if he is doing that against your will, it's a crime. 

  

And it isn't your imagination either. 

  

Your anger is REAL and you are entitled to it -- every bit of it. 

  

I suggest that you tell your partner to get OUT. 

  

Q