Topic : Is This Normal?

I was in an abusive relationship and while in it met another man whom I thought at the time helped m e

through the whole ordeal.Me and the new man started a realationship. It was very nice and sex was good

and things were moving along. I was not officially divorced yet and neither was he but his wife

lived in another country at the time. So eventuall he divorced his wife and I got divorced and we

decided to make a go of it. Only for awhile we had a long distance relationship. After awhile I decided

to  move where he was and move in with him. Well; I thought we had made a committment to each other but I found while we were apart he was exchanging cyber sex emails and having an emotional affair

with his exwife who was in the other country.It was so devastating to me when I read some of his

their emails. I was shocked but decided to stay with him.. Everything seemed okay but it seemed I found something else that bothered me. He was into porn but of all different kinds of things. Porn doesnt bother me but then he was withdrawing from me emotionally and physically and when we did have sex

it felt like he was using me at that point. Anyway; I wasnt happy about were we lived and seems he

was using me more and more for money and all and at that point I felt more like just a roomate.

I then was feeling like crap so I left and went back to my State. I wanted to so end this relationship but I had love for him.He knew there was something wrong and instead of confronting me he got in touch

with his exwife who was now going to retire and live wherever she wanted. I found out on his email

account they had been exchanging more cyber sex letters for a few weeks and he invited her to our apartment. She

stayed with him in the apt. for two weeks and then she went back to her country;b ut they never stopped

talking on the phone and writing. I broke it off with him and he thought that I was going back to live with him. He told me that he had her over for fun but when i broke it off with him he decided to get her back to

live with him. He actually had the nerve to tell me that he needed a body and money and she fit the bill.

I on the other hand decided to let him have the fantasy which will become his reality soon.

Wow; What a kick in the teeth. I never would have taken him to be a two faced p hony and user and liar.

Anyway; He also told me that him and I never reached what he called an unhibited sex life. What???

I am no prude and the sex was really good so I cant figure that out. The only thing I can figure out

and this is going to sound weird. His exwife has a body like a man. I have seen pictures of her.

He always said she had long legs and flat breasts and she has very short cropped hair. Is this

his secret fantasy of having sex with a man? He had told one of his friends that his exwife had

the type of body he craved but he could take her or leave her when she wasnt lying down and that

she was only good for sex and he didnt like her very much.What?????Who is he?

I have not seen him nor spoken to him inmonths and I am moving on but its hard to wrap my head

around any of this.

Any thoughts?

Don't worry about him. You broke it off with him. Whether he secretly likes men, women, she-males, or what have you, he is no longer there to drag you down. If he really doesn't like her then that is now his problem, her problem, their problem with their relationship, and you don't have to be involved anymore.

Cut him out, cut him off, don't talk to him any more and let that loser (he really sounds like quite the selfish person) have his false relationships and self-centered fantasies.

For validating what I have know for a long time. I am still feeling the pain though.

Oh; A month  ago he kept calling me and I didnt answer him except one day I broke down and

my heart got the best of me so I called him. It was so strange cause he was telling me that he

was moving and all about work and well some idle chit chat. Oh; and some other things about

things I had left with him and etc.etc. . Well maybe he wanted to act like the nice guy in ending

the relationship.I wanted to scream and shout at him and tell him he was a jerk but I froze and

said nothing. At the end of the conversation he told me he wanted to be friends and that he liked me

and that he liked my family and blah blah. I said why? He didnt have much of an answer. I hung up

the phone being so sad and angry at myself and its been weeks now and I am still mad and angry.

A week later he sends me an email telling me he wants to tell me something about us being friends

but he never did. Maybe he t hinks I will be his new fantasy woman and I refuse. I will not lower

myself. I so want to tell him to go to hell and drop dead.Should I?

I feel like he got away with alot and he is so smug about it. Trust me I am staying away and

having no contact  at all. He is dead to me.

Any thoughts?

is this normal?? well i'm 20 yrs old and i have a secret since i was at the tender age of 5 yrs old. i grew up a little girl froom a stable and stimualing environment at home.no forms of domestic or sexual violence or abuse. yet my mind at that tender age was so curious about sex. i was caught by my mother watching pornography on the television at that age.not knowin what sex was or what it entailed...i was so mezmerised by it.i was completely turned on and enjoyed what i was watchin.i spent a lot of time with my boy cousins and from the age of 6 to 10 i encouraged my boy cousin,who is a year older than i am to indulge in sexual activities.i enjoyed it.wanted to do it always.we eventually stopped and never mentioned it .we are very close at the moment but we act as though  we never did such things.after we stopeed i started masturbating and searching online for pornography that was at the age of 10 yrs old to about 14. i grew out of that stage and now i am in a relationship and my boyfriend wants to be sexually active and i cannot seem to perform. i get turned on and i enjoy it.but when it comes to intercourse i get scared and turn away from it. i am afraid of doing it, i think about sex all the time, i enjoy orgasms but yet want it to stop when i get them. and now my boyfriend gets upset when he tries to have intercourse and i shy away. i feel soo guilty about my sexual desire for that tnder age and my problem now..is this normal??

I can tell you right now that NO, that is NOT normal. You are right in your feelings, that can be considered rape and you need to get out of that relationship as soon as possible. If you told him to stop doing that, that you do not want him to do that, but he keeps doing it without your consent and is making you feel violated, it's not okay. It's never okay when you say no and he ignores you. What he is doing is takin major advantage of the fact that you take insomnia medication. He is taking advantage of your body. I don't think he is doing it for sexual gratification either, rape almost never is about sexual gratification. It's about control and dominance. He does it when you are asleep, or under medication because then he can take control. He can do things to you without you knowing it. He's in charge when you are asleep. Even though he knows you said no when you were awake.

I implore you, GET OUT. Get away from him NOW. What he is doing to you is NOT NORMAL and is in fact very serious. That is attemtpted rape and you are the victem. I'm really afraid for you after having read your post. Seriously, I'm going to be worrying about you until I hear that you are as far away from him as possible. If he continues to do this to you, I'd bet he is capable of taking it to the next level and trying to force himself on you while you are awake. It's a toxic and dangerous thing. Get away for your own safety.

I bet he didn't expect you to cut him off. He probably isn't feeling smug, he's probably wondering why you won't respond to him like you used to. He's not in control of you anymore and he's trying to get it back by calling you all the time and feeding you sweet words like "Let's be friends I like you." When you know the opposite is true.

And if he is being smug, let him be smug. It's a ill-acquired, false sense of superiority that almost always comes crashing down with people like him once they realize that it's not fooling you. My advice when he acts like that, act like you don't care. If he knows it's not affecting you, he'll have to drop it sometime or else he'll start looking like the one who can't let go.

I have an ex like that too. After we broke up, he was walking around with his nose in the air like he was god's gift to women, and ohh you should have seen his attitude when he got a new girlfriend. Sweet jumping chilli beans he was unbearable! But the minute I got a new boyfriend, he didn't know which way was up, 'cause suddenly his status didn't matter to me anymore. That was more that two years ago and he is STILL making asenine comments about me and my boyfriend. Now he's floundering around the dating realm like a drowned rat because his other ex's decided that he wasn't the center of the universe either. He's even tried the same "Let's be friends? I promise I'll be a better person." Line about six times now.

Trust me. There is a lot of power in just acting like you don't care. Even if you are really mad and angry, I promise that anger will go away in time. You'll get urges to go back, to call him, to e-mail him, or what have you, but the more you resist that urge, the better for yourself. Perhaps down the road you may well become friends, but I really don't thin that now is the time for friendship with him just yet.

You are so right I cant believe it. You are right on the money with this guy.He truly did not expect

me to cut him offf. He wanted me to run to him and save him from his horrid exwife. I am not

going to.Although when I met him I was in an abusive marriage and he sort of helped me through that.

Now I know why he did. He was looking for something in it for himself down the road.

Know what else I have found out. I was reading tons of material and I do believe he is narcisstic

and he hates women. It all fits now so well. His actions; his behavior and all of it.

He def. has that false sense of superiority for sure. You are so smart.

Oh; Know what else? He is a big time Passive Aggressive personality. It took me four years to

figure that one out. So it  made sense for me to go from an abuser to another passive aggressive

man. YOu know right now he does look like the one who cant let go.

I got another email from him saying how  much he misses my family and the holidays and on and on.

Most likely I have to block his emails and all. I just dont want him to do something else sneaky

behind my back since he is so PA. He has already done enough damage.

He also told me on email how sick he is getting from his diabetes. What can I do?

I know about karma and although I dont want revenge maybe this is the karma.

oh; he also toldme he hooked back up with his exwife because I left him. that was revenge on me.

Well; he was so PA I couldnt take it anymore. He is also selfish; self centered and lost his money

due to poor judegment.. I tried to talk to him but he ignored me all the time.

Thank you

I will act like I dont care . I can do it. I did it with  my ex husband and it worked like a charm.

Its funny how these guys dont go away.

If he marries his ex it will def. kill me but what can I do? He might even be so cruel as to send

me a note on it. So I have to block him out for good.

thanks