Topic : Is This Normal?

my husband and i have been having problems with sex and because he is older than me i have stuck by him through this but, about 1 yr.ago we were a a freinds house having an outside cookout when my husband kept going in to the house to use the bathroom i had been flirting with him all day making plans to make love that night. it had already been 2 wks and finally after about the third time of excusing himself to use there bathroom i had an awful feeling in my stomach, when i went in he had just came out and his heart was racing and his face was flushed i new something was up i asked him back in the bathroom with me and his penis was red when i sqeezed it some sperm was still there he denied that he was masterbating but finally gave in i felt so betayed he knew he could not preform if he did this and he knew i needed him i am a young women with needs. i later found out this is something he has done all along while i have felt unattracted and uneeded and thought our problem could be a physical problem do to his age.i cannot trust him sence this and our marrage is falling apart he swears hes not doing this any longer but there is still problems with his performance i check on him when hes in the bathroom or whenever hes by himself please i need some advise i don't want to lose my marrage but i feel so betrayed i could undrestant if i was turning him down or his needs were greater than mine but i have never refused him.

I am so lost and confused about my husbands situation I dont know who to ask or turn to.  My husband and I have sex often.  I would say min of 3-4 times a week.  And its so amazing everytime.  I have never had better sex and he says the same.  And I know he enjoys it cause of how he reacts.  Well when we first met he told me he has a problem that he cant help and is embarrassed by it.  He says he cant ejaculate from sex.  So pretty much no matter how hard i try i cant make him cum.  He has to do it himself.  After sex everytime he has to masterbate to get off.  Last night I tried to give him a hand job seeing if I can get him off that way and I cant.  He says i give the best blow jobs too but cant get him off that way either.  One time we were having sex and he got off after about 10 minutes.  He has not been able to get off from sex since.  He said Im the first girl to EVER get him off.  He also said he thinks he was able to get off cause he wasnt thinking about trying to perform.  But since then we have tried to get his mind off it.  He says he feels like he is right there about to go the entire time we have sex but he cant let it go.   Is this normal??  Are there issues we should be aware of??  Is this a serious problem?  How can we get help if it can be helped? Please write to me

Well to answer your questions: it is common for men (and women) to have problems with reaching orgasm. sometimes it is a physical problem and other times it is a psychological problem. Seen as he can reach orgasm on his own it seems to be a psychological problem. Probably it's the pressure he says he feels. Is it serious? No you both enjoy sex and have a good sex life. Help is pretty easy, a sexologist sees these kind of things daily. He will probably help him with cognitive behavioural technique's in a few sessions.

DR.PHIL I,AM A 46 MAN MY WIFE IS 37 I WOUNDER EVERYDAY WHAT HAPPEN,WE HAD SEX ALL THE TIME BEFORE BUT NOW ZIP. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR SEVEN YEARS 3 KIDS.ONE IS A STEP KID,I FEEL LIKE TWO OLD PEOPLE I TRY TO PLAY WITH HER AND TOUCH HER AND SHE PULLS AWAY DON'T TOUCH ME OF COARSE I GET MAD THAT THIS IS BS YOU ARE MY WIFE AND I,AM YOUR HUSBAND,WELL I TELL HER THAT I WILL GO SOMEWHERE ELSE AND GET SOME TO RELAX IS THIS NORMAL.......BECAUSE IT SUCKS,I,AM THE HOUSE HUSBAND WHILE SHE WORKS,SHE GETS HOME I WANT TO PLAY,BUT NOTHING,I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING THAT I KNOW   LET ME KNOW IF THIS IS NORMAL

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We started having sex early on in our relationship. Lets say it was very "short n sweet". He would ejaculate within 5 minutes of us having intercourse. I would be left their with no satisfaction. We have discussed the problem many times, as he feels like less of a man, I love him and want us to have a good sex life. He went to many doctors and specialist and they all told him it was all in his head. He has a perfection issue and they put him on anxiety medication. He took it for awhile and it didn't do anything to help the situation. Now my boyfriend has completley stopped wanting to have any sexual contact. I don't know if she is so ashamed of his problem or if there is a deeper problem. Ive even thought maybe he was cheating or doesn' find me attractive anymore. I ask him many timesabout why he doesnt want to have sex with me, and he always has an excuse..like he is tired from work. I want to talk to him about it but whenever I do its very uncomfortable and he uses the same excuses everytime. I don't want to give up on this relationship but no having any intimate contact in ruining our relationship. Can you please tell me why a 26 year old man has no sexual desire?

This is a communication issue. You need to tell him that it is NOT OK that he do that, and you need to be fully awake and responsive in order to have sex. It would be a different issue entirely if he had your permission and you didnt mind. I dont know how else to address this other than he probably awakens with an erection and craving sex while you are asleep.

  Hello all, alitlle nervous here. I am 38 years old, and about to get married for the 2nd time. In the last few months I have been dealing with some self esteem issues on sex, how I look to him, and do I turn him on. 

Well the issue here is, we have in the past watched porn and have used "toys" when having sex. Like I said, I have been dealing with some issues. I would like to feel it is me that is turning him on not the other things. I told him I was feeling this way and that I wasn't cofortable with doing these thing, and that maybe my morals have changed. He got mad, told me that I wasn't going to force him to doing something he doesn't want to do.

I never in the conversation told him he had to change, that these are my feelings and that it was something I had to deal with. Well things easied up alittle on that, we do make love with nothing else involved but us, and it has been good. The problem now is everytime anything is brought up about sex or anything that may be morally wrong, he will ask me my feelings on it, I will tell him how I feel ,and he will make a commit like oh yeah, you have morals now, or something negative like that.

What is he afraid of, and why do people have to put down those who try to change for the better.

There are other issues here, but one thing at a time. I don't want to change anyone, but myself, I just want to understand.

Well the big myth invented by porn is that a man can pound away full speed for 20+ minutes without reaching orgasm. That is not true, porn is shot is a movie which means it is shot in several goes and then edited. 5 minutes isn't that bad anyways, research even shows that the perfect time for sex is between 3 and 15 minutes.
If he still wants to "last longer" he can do exercises that will help him delay orgasm.
You feeling unfulfilled has to do with another myth, the one that women can reach orgasm by penetration. This was invented in the Victorian era and left many women having hysteria, or in todays terms not reaching orgasm. if he wants to be a better lover to you he could better pay more attention to foreplay and cullingelus.
To get his sex drive going he should better see a professional by preference a sexologist, he can help him get over his anxiety and build up his sex drive step by step

Well you are not helping here. You are not entitled to sex within a marriage!. your negative comments will only help to bring her down and stop her sex drive all together. If you want sex you need to start changing yourself first, make her feel wanted and like a human again, not like a lust object you are entitled to.
The way you have been handling things it is rather normal you don't have sex anymore. And yes this is from a guy you are getting this message

But maybe not so much in the area of boundaries.

 

I think you also changed to rules; which is ok, but don't expect him to just take it without some resistance. He is pissed you took away his fantasies, his fun, his ability to be a sexual pervert. Of course he is going to be mad. :)  I am not saying that pervs look at porn, but definately sex addicts need it, pervs run to it like their lovers and the regular person looks at it because they have no one in their lives to sexually fulfill them. The reason people go to porn is for these 3 reasons mostly. Which one do you think your husband falls into?

 

I do not think you should get married if you are dealing with self esteem issues. That is not fair to him nor to you. YOu will need to spend time on you more and that will leave him out. Do not marry him because your self esteem will suffer more with comments like the ones he seems so willing to throw your way in punishment. 

 

Back to morals. I don't think you really don't like porn and toys, I just think you don't like him liking them too. I think you feel a need to control him somehow; make sure he doesn't move away, like your first husband did.

 

Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent!  Stop and see what it is that you need to do to get youself in  better shape mentally , maybe even physically, then when you are 100% content, only then will you be truly ready to commit to somone.  KIMI