Topic : Is This Normal?

I need  help and thank God, I don't feel like I'm the only one anymore. My husband and I have never had great sex( a few exceptions in 18 yrs.) I am repulsed so there is no way I can get turned on. He has no idea how to "approach" a woman. His idea of foreplay is to say to me "wanna fool around?" OOHHH!!! I cringe at the thought. I do give in sometimes just to get him to hush. I am an emotional wreck over this. For one,I'd love to be able to enjoy sex, I feel wrong to "oh yeah baby" him when I'm faking it's not fair to him but..... I physically cringe at his touch and he realizes this but I can't help it. I have talked about this with him we'll decide to try and make things better and that lasts until he gets what he wants and it's over. There is no affection, no real intamacy in our relationship, for example, we never kiss. A little goodnight peck and that's it, but, he's not very good at it so I really don't press the issue. Can anyone please help me---we have a good relationship otherwise, but in the bedroom is horrible for me. I don't know what else to try.......Yes, I had my reasons for marrying him to begin with.

i really do think i am i have sex alot, and the worst thing is i have sex with different people. And for some reason is that i try to rationalize that it is ok and that there is nothing wrong with it I don't understand why I am never satisyed with just one guy. 

  

I have a guy my daughter's father and we have broken up and gotten back  together  a few times but I am just not satisfied with him sexually he doesnt "do it for me" if you can understand that. I really want to know if I am or if it is nothing wrong with it. 

  

I am not looking for a relationship with the guys i am with i just want to be friends with benefits but nothing else. Its just that my sex drive is so high I am never content. Would like some real serious feedback on this and If Dr. Phil reads this I could use an expert opinion. I don't think this is working for me!!!! 

My husband (31) and I (28) have known eachother for over 15 years and dated for 4 years before getting engaged in august 2004and married in may 2005.  A few months after getting engaged I found out I was pregnant and I had a little boy in october. He is 4 months old now.  To make a long story short, my husband and I used to have avery active sex life. then after a move out of the country he stopped wanting to have sex with me all together.  When I asked him about it he either ignored the issue, got defensive, or made remarks like "sex isn't everything".  So in essence we have made love 3 times in 2 years.  during the pregnancy he said that he couldn't do anything since I was pregnant.  Then I found out he was having an affair that had started right after we got married and I was 6 months pregnant.  He claims that it was only text messaing and a few kisses but no sex.  I know that he is lying but have no way to prove it.  Anyway, after much therapy and many arguements we have moved back in together and are trying to work things out.  Well, it has been 4 months since I found out about the affair and once again no sex.  So it has now been a total of 10 months that we have not had sex.  I can't understand it, he is so young and so how could he not think that it was a big deal.  The lack of physical and emotional intimicacy makes me feel insecure about our relationship and makes me think that he is still cheating.  I just do not know if I am crazy or maybe I am not giving it enough time.  Please help

I left a reply to a message that is so like mine,however,I never got a response. I'm new to this--so I'm learning. What do you do if you just don't find your husband attractive at all. Sex,usually is like a chore for me. I've talked to him,made suggestions about what "we" should do. It only works until he gets what he wants and then he's right back to the way he was----which is no affection, no intamacy, no touching,nothing ......until he wants sex! I am at my wit's end and dont know what to do. Nothing I do helps and I can't make him understand , I don't really know if I understand, Our relationship is great except in the bedroom. If only he could improve on some techniques(right now he has none) and pay attention to what I want,too everything would be great. This is really affecting our (my) relationship and has for a long time (18 yrs.) Please help if anyone has advice I'm so lonely---I've been waiting a long time for things to improve. I just want to enjoy a "normal" sex life with my husband.

Oprah had a show just last week with some young women who are sex addicts- it was amazing and so sad. The thing that is the center of your sex "addiction" is your low self esteem. If you loved yourself and accepted yourself, and forgave yourself- then you wouldn't need to be "validated" by men through sex. You are harming yourself deeply by seeking sex with different people, even if you don't realize it right now. 

You have a daughter- you are the strongest female role model that she will ever know. What would you say to her if she approached you later in life and she said these things to you that you have said here? Would you tell her to love herself more, worry less about how others feel about her? That is what you need to tell you. You need to learn to love and accept yourself the way that you are. Its okay to have a high sex drive- but when you are a sex addict, there is so much more to it than just the act of sex. You are seeking external validation that you are "worthy" yet when you get the sex/attention that you want, it still is never enough... and thats because its not working. I urge you to seek therepy for yourself  as soon as possible. you deserve to have a happy and healthy life, its up to YOU to get that for you. i wish you well! 

I am new to this site, so hello there. I hope that by me being here I am going to get some advice from you guys as well as meeting new friends to chat with. Okay here is my story.   

I am 24 years old. My husband and I met in July of 2001 thru yahoo personals. We were not in a relationship but we had benefits within the friendship. And that is how I came out pregnant. We had deceided that he was going to give me child support, etc. He never wanted to settle down and start a fmaily. Then out of the blue he called me and asked me to marry him. And of course since I love him, I said yes. We moved in together and got married the very next day that our daughter was born. In the hospital. Within 3 months of the marriage, he was cheating off an on until this past May 2005. This was the very last time that he has cheated. Within the time that he was cheating he had told me that he couldn't have sex with me. He never told me why. This was back in April 2005. Ever since, we ony have sex once a month. I want to have more sex than that but he doesn't. I have bought x-rated movies but he doesn't want to watch them with me. I figure by watching he will get into the mood. Lately I have found stains on towels and his shirts of when he jerks off. I get very sad because when was cheating he would have sex with these girls all the time and now with me he can't. And that makes me feel like I am not good looking at all.   

Have any of you been or going through this? I just don't know what to do about this. Ia m starting to get very depressed and I might consider cheating. Any advice would help. Thanks in advance for reading my message.   

  Jackie 

Has anyone ever felt that their husband, lover, etc. was using sex as a "weapon" to control or manipulate?  It happens to both women and men.  Sex only when they want it, and when you want sex; you don't receive unless you give something in return.  Sometimes, sex is used only to control or to manipulate (power over you), and the only thing that they want is to see how unhappy they can make you, or make you beg for it.             

I think that if I could do it all over again; I would buy a nice dildo, and when my husband refused to have sex when I wanted it, I would have shown him how sexually satisfied I could be without him!    Don't you think he would have been curious, and perhaps a bit jealous?   

Hello, Jackie: 

This is all very sad.  I know that your self-esteem is probably low because of all that you have been through.  I was wondering...you say that you love him, and I am not questioning whether you do or you don't.  Obviously, you want to make this relationship/marriage work.  The question is...does he really love you or does he say that he loves you?  It takes two to tango, so he has to be willing to make the marriage work, or it's doomed.  You must have trust, respect, and honesty in a marriage, and there is none of that in yours.  How can you trust, and respect someone who is not being honest about his feelings for you, and keeps cheating?          

You got married, but was it because you were having a baby together that resulted out of your "relationship with benefits"?  He may have wanted to do the right thing by marrying you, but in that respect, he is making you unhappy.  You want to have sex with him, but by having affairs with other women, he may have put you at risk for STD's!  Think about that.  You don't want to have something like HIV/AIDS, HPV, genital warts, or anything that would keep you from having a healthy, loving, sex life with someone else in the future.  Having an affair of your own will only make you feel cheap, and it won't make things any better.     

Your husband sounds like a loser.  He doesn't know what he wants, and needs to mature.  Don't let him bring you down.  Go out and find someone who can make you happy if you decide you want to divorce.  Don't rush into things...you have been hurt, and you don't want to rebound into something that is completely wrong.  You'll know when it's right, give it time, and let it grow...   

There are lots of guys out there who would like nothing more than to find a good woman to share their life with.  You will still get child support from your present husband whether he wants to be a part of your baby's life or not.          

Go out and get your hair re-styled, lose weight if you have gained it with the baby, and buy a couple of things for yourself (don't go on a spending spree), and do things that make you feel good!  You deserve all the happiness in the world, and it's yours if you want it because it's all up to you!  Don't let anyone tell you what to do or what not to do, just listen to good advice and sort it out.  It should be your choice, it's your life.  You control your own destiny...   

Forever...   

Rose 

  

Hi, I'm 17 years old, and I've been dating my fiance for over a year and a half.  We have been having sex for a little over a year, and I feel like I'm only doing it to make him happy.  I wanted to have sex in the beginning, and now I realized I want to wait until we get married.. I dont want to feel like the only reason that he is still with me, is because I'm sleeping with him.  I want to quit having sex, but dont know how to break it to him.  I love him, and enjoy sex, but with our busy lifestyles, whenever we do get to see each other, it seems like the only thing we have time for IS sex.  I miss the cuddling, and the kissing, and all the romantic things that came before the sex, because now its all, "get-er-done" and were outta here.  If someone had some advice for me that would be great and I would really appreciate it.

I am 46 and have been married for 10 years to a man 9 years younger than me. Sex was never good with him. Prior to marring him I had a wonderful fulfilling sex life. He has disrespected me for so long and to him sex is a "BLOW JOB". I refused to be his cum depository!  When I would have sex with him , he treated me horribly ! It wasn't good for me at all. I realized I had to love myself enough to take control of my body!  Married or not I said to him "This is my body" and named all my body parts as being mine. I will not have sex with anyone who does not respect me and my body. I am still married to the same man and I have not had sex for almost 2 years. I feel sex in 90% of the relationship if the sex is BAD , and 10 % if it is GOOD.  There are things in life I have found that are more important than sex.  I would prefer a loving relationship over sex.  I have not gone outside my marriage because I would be giving myself to someone else  who cares nothing about ME they just want sex. I do not plan on being is the relationship for much longer. I deserve to be loved!