Topic : Is This Normal?

I feel like I am being selfish, so maybe what Im looking for would be suggestions on what I can do.  Short story, I am not sexually satisfied w my relationship right now.  My bf is a gr8 guy, and I really care about him.  We have sex, but it is only like once maybe twice a wk if we're lucky.  Majority of the time he is well done before I'm even close (have you heard this before?!).  Now here is the tricky part.  He had an Inguinal hernia and had surgery to correct it a few months back.  The sex hasnt changed since he had this done it has been this way always leaving me feelin SO frustrated.  He says it is uncomfortable for him at some points of doing the deed.  I believe him, but I'm just like I sd FRUSTRATED!  Its to the point that I start thinkin all these things like: Is this the guy I want to be with forever?  Should I just break up with him and try again?  Maybe its more work than I have energy or patience?   

Basically the feeling I have right now is what I'd imagine is like when I guy has cold feet.  Ive been hurt before, and so I wonder am I puttin up a wall and finding probs so I can just say goodbye?  I really really like my bf, scared to use the "L" word but I feel that too.  I'm sure things could be gr8 if we figured out a solution.  I have talked to him about this, but not in depth as I would've liked.  Both of our children were around, I intend to get to that this wkend, as we will be alone. 

PLS HELP!  TIA :D 

I feel like I am being selfish, so maybe what Im looking for would be suggestions on what I can do.  Short story, I am not sexually satisfied w my relationship right now.  My bf is a gr8 guy, and I really care about him.  We have sex, but it is only like once maybe twice a wk if we're lucky.  Majority of the time he is well done before I'm even close (have you heard this before?!).  Now here is the tricky part.  He had an Inguinal hernia and had surgery to correct it a few months back.  The sex hasnt changed since he had this done it has been this way always leaving me feelin SO frustrated.  He says it is uncomfortable for him at some points of doing the deed.  I believe him, but I'm just like I sd FRUSTRATED!  Its to the point that I start thinkin all these things like: Is this the guy I want to be with forever?  Should I just break up with him and try again?  Maybe its more work than I have energy or patience?   

Basically the feeling I have right now is what I'd imagine is like when I guy has cold feet.  Ive been hurt before, and so I wonder am I puttin up a wall and finding probs so I can just say goodbye?  I really really like my bf, scared to use the "L" word but I feel that too.  I'm sure things could be gr8 if we figured out a solution.  I have talked to him about this, but not in depth as I would've liked.  Both of our children were around, I intend to get to that this wkend, as we will be alone. 

PLS HELP!  TIA :D 

Oprah had a show just last week with some young women who are sex addicts- it was amazing and so sad. The thing that is the center of your sex "addiction" is your low self esteem. If you loved yourself and accepted yourself, and forgave yourself- then you wouldn't need to be "validated" by men through sex. You are harming yourself deeply by seeking sex with different people, even if you don't realize it right now. 

You have a daughter- you are the strongest female role model that she will ever know. What would you say to her if she approached you later in life and she said these things to you that you have said here? Would you tell her to love herself more, worry less about how others feel about her? That is what you need to tell you. You need to learn to love and accept yourself the way that you are. Its okay to have a high sex drive- but when you are a sex addict, there is so much more to it than just the act of sex. You are seeking external validation that you are "worthy" yet when you get the sex/attention that you want, it still is never enough... and thats because its not working. I urge you to seek therepy for yourself  as soon as possible. you deserve to have a happy and healthy life, its up to YOU to get that for you. i wish you well! 

Hi there, 

Having a one night stand doesn't make you a bad person.  We all need to do that every now and again. 

Let your self go and relax and go out with him.  Enjoy each other's company.  Talk about the first night,  he'll probably be thinking the same thing.   As the song goes, don't worry, be happy. 

Have fun and don't put too much pressure on yourself. 

Cindy in FL 

Hey CIndy...I gave him a chance..I found out some crazy news.. I knew that he had a son, but what I didn't know is that he lives with his son's mother. 

If that isn't bad enough I didn't even hear it from him, I heard it from another lady that he hit on...now I feel like a even bigger idiot than I did before. I guess you have to live and learn. He doesn't know that I know yet and we have a date planned for Satuday. I called him today and when he answered the phone he was very happy to hear from me...then I told him how about we spend Saturday at his place this time, then his voice got a little shaky, and he said "ok we can do that" but his voice wasn't as happy as it was before...so he has three days to come up with a excuse to cancell...I can't wait for Saturday. 

Hi there, 

Can't wait to her this one.  Sounds like a bad situation, "Lives with his son's mother"  (I don't think so?????) 

Eventually he will end up with her.  They might be at odds now but, in the near future they will probably be together in the same bed.  Well, that is an interesting question.  If he does tell you about his living arrangements, then ask him point blank if they share a bed?  Then you will know for sure. 

Cindy in FL 

I feel like I am being selfish, so maybe what Im looking for would be suggestions on what I can do.  Short story, I am not sexually satisfied w my relationship right now.  My bf is a gr8 guy, and I really care about him.  We have sex, but it is only like once maybe twice a wk if we're lucky.  Majority of the time he is well done before I'm even close (have you heard this before?!).  Now here is the tricky part.  He had an Inguinal hernia and had surgery to correct it a few months back.  The sex hasnt changed since he had this done it has been this way always leaving me feelin SO frustrated.  He says it is uncomfortable for him at some points of doing the deed.  I believe him, but I'm just like I sd FRUSTRATED!  Its to the point that I start thinkin all these things like: Is this the guy I want to be with forever?  Should I just break up with him and try again?  Maybe its more work than I have energy or patience?   

Basically the feeling I have right now is what I'd imagine is like when I guy has cold feet.  Ive been hurt before, and so I wonder am I puttin up a wall and finding probs so I can just say goodbye?  I really really like my bf, scared to use the "L" word but I feel that too.  I'm sure things could be gr8 if we figured out a solution.  I have talked to him about this, but not in depth as I would've liked.  Both of our children were around, I intend to get to that this wkend, as we will be alone. 

PLS HELP!  TIA :D