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Topic : Is This Normal?

Number of Replies: 1127
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:19:40 pm
Author : dataimport
Your partner asked you to do WHAT? Some things are taboo. Some things are common but just not discussed. Where does your sex life fit in?

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September 9, 2005, 9:17 am CDT

Dr. Phil Staff????

Quote From: love2bs

Are you guys here??? 

  

  

I need a little help. 

  

Tammy Jo 

How can I change my user name back to what it was before this board changed??? 

  

  

I want it to read "Tammy Jo"  

  

  

Is this possible to change???? 

  

  

I tried this myself, however, it said that my old user name was already in use... Ok... 

  

  

But it really isn't.   

 
September 9, 2005, 9:50 am CDT

Tammy Jo

Quote From: love2bs

How can I change my user name back to what it was before this board changed??? 

  

  

I want it to read "Tammy Jo"  

  

  

Is this possible to change???? 

  

  

I tried this myself, however, it said that my old user name was already in use... Ok... 

  

  

But it really isn't.   

Please check your e-mail for a reply.   

  

DrPhilBoard3 

 
September 10, 2005, 9:02 pm CDT

I NEED SOME ADVICE!!!!!

I was very clear with my husband when we were still dating that I was not a fan of porn, in any form. So, when we were only together a short time, he threw away his magazines and tapes. I thought that was the end of it.      

When I was 7 months pregnant with our 2nd child, I overheard him watching a dirty movie on cinemax. I was very upset but I didn't say anything, I just refrained from having sex with him. One night when I was nine months along, I told him I didn't want him to sleep in the same bed with me anymore; he should take the couch. I had heard him watching another movie. I still didn't explain myself, which I know was a bad move.     

I recently found that he has been looking at Internet porn. I feel betrayed, unattractive, embarrassed, angry, - I could go on and on.      

What do I do now? Am I right to be upset? We have had sex a hand full of times in the past month. I feel like I do all I can to please him sexually. I was more adventurous before I got pregnant but shouldn't I get a little time to recover from having a child!?      

     

We have been married for a little over a year and been together for over 2 years. We have 2 kids and the baby is just 2 months old.  I still am suffering from the baby blues and I feel uncomfortable with my body right now. I just found some disgusting websites he visited today while I went to show off our baby to some friends. Am I right to be crying while typing this message? HELP!     

      

 
September 12, 2005, 10:38 pm CDT

back to your quote

Quote From: mari1984

I was very clear with my husband when we were still dating that I was not a fan of porn, in any form. So, when we were only together a short time, he threw away his magazines and tapes. I thought that was the end of it.      

When I was 7 months pregnant with our 2nd child, I overheard him watching a dirty movie on cinemax. I was very upset but I didn't say anything, I just refrained from having sex with him. One night when I was nine months along, I told him I didn't want him to sleep in the same bed with me anymore; he should take the couch. I had heard him watching another movie. I still didn't explain myself, which I know was a bad move.     

I recently found that he has been looking at Internet porn. I feel betrayed, unattractive, embarrassed, angry, - I could go on and on.      

What do I do now? Am I right to be upset? We have had sex a hand full of times in the past month. I feel like I do all I can to please him sexually. I was more adventurous before I got pregnant but shouldn't I get a little time to recover from having a child!?      

     

We have been married for a little over a year and been together for over 2 years. We have 2 kids and the baby is just 2 months old.  I still am suffering from the baby blues and I feel uncomfortable with my body right now. I just found some disgusting websites he visited today while I went to show off our baby to some friends. Am I right to be crying while typing this message? HELP!     

      

It isn't your fault you feel this way. No one OBVIOUSLY replied to your post but I know that you need a reply. For one your hormones can decieve us!! By your husband looking at these sites , it makes YOU feel like you are not attractive enough, and obviously us who have 1+ children we will never feel the way we use to. Woman are about feeling sexy looking beautiful and catching out husband eye but when they tend to look at these sites and you send him to the couch and he doesnt ask why then watch the porn sites............ really makes women feel like we are not "good enough" for them. You know what.have you said anything to him? You need to let him know how you feel about this and see what his reaction is about it. I noticed that you havent said anything to him, right? But it all depends on how he reacts to your feelings. I know when I was pregnant it felt like I was horney all the time but then it got to where he was like ...no, no , no and I cried silently many of nights and it was due to the way I felt. But you can tell him. Thats all we have is what we can tell our husbands. Ye haw...... like I have any place to speak. My husbands wants it always and I  dont really care about it so i feel like I am in NO position on telling people what to do but with you. YOU dont like then he needes to respect that and DONT!!!! OTHER women shouldnt turn him on. My husband in a sincere way said that the lack of sex is effecting him and that if he was put in front of temptation he couldnt say he would turn that down....and he thinks that will "do it for me" yea,,,,,,,,,,,, I wanna have sex with you babe so you wont with anyone else...whatever, but anyways before I got into that. remember what i said above!! Email me if ya want . i dont know if it will show up. Vivian@Simplecom.net
 
September 13, 2005, 10:32 am CDT

This is normal

Quote From: mari1984

I was very clear with my husband when we were still dating that I was not a fan of porn, in any form. So, when we were only together a short time, he threw away his magazines and tapes. I thought that was the end of it.      

When I was 7 months pregnant with our 2nd child, I overheard him watching a dirty movie on cinemax. I was very upset but I didn't say anything, I just refrained from having sex with him. One night when I was nine months along, I told him I didn't want him to sleep in the same bed with me anymore; he should take the couch. I had heard him watching another movie. I still didn't explain myself, which I know was a bad move.     

I recently found that he has been looking at Internet porn. I feel betrayed, unattractive, embarrassed, angry, - I could go on and on.      

What do I do now? Am I right to be upset? We have had sex a hand full of times in the past month. I feel like I do all I can to please him sexually. I was more adventurous before I got pregnant but shouldn't I get a little time to recover from having a child!?      

     

We have been married for a little over a year and been together for over 2 years. We have 2 kids and the baby is just 2 months old.  I still am suffering from the baby blues and I feel uncomfortable with my body right now. I just found some disgusting websites he visited today while I went to show off our baby to some friends. Am I right to be crying while typing this message? HELP!     

      

First of all, you really need to open up to your husband and tell him why you do not like the porn and tell him how it makes you feel when he watches the movies, checks the sites, and so on.  Cutting him off is not the answer, you're just giving him more reason to do this.  It kinda sounds like you're treating him like a child when it comes to the "forbidden entertainment". 

  

Also, ask yourself, how much of this dislike is because of your feelings against porn or insecurities about your relationship with him or about yourself?   

  

Most men and porn just go hand in hand.  I do not care for it either, but I don't scold my husband when I find a Playboy.  I just ask him to keep it hidden so our 4 year old doesn't find it.   

  

Your husband should also be giving you the respect to feel comfortable with yourself after having the baby and reassuring you that you ARE beautiful.  If he still feels the need for porn, ask him to respect you and have the decency to at least watch it when you are not home.   

  

I am not defending porn whatsoever, I do not care for it, but I don't despise anyone who does find entertainment in it (as long as it's not child porn-those kind of people just need to be shot!). 

  

 
September 15, 2005, 1:34 pm CDT

Dearest Glenn...

What the?!?  Lost my post...  Posting again...  

  

Here is a link to Dr. P's Abuse board.  After you've logged in. click this link it should take you there:  http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/topic/181/
 
If it doesn't, let me know and we'll figure out another way -- there is always another way.
 
You are confused.  I agree with you.  I have some things to say about confusion -- if we get the chance.
 
Counselors call it depression.  You are in a place that I call "the pit".  If you aren't deep in it, then you are on the edge or dancing in and out of the edge.  I've been there and it took me a long time to get out.   But I GOT OUT and so can you!
 
(Warning these are triggering thoughts...)
I remember just sitting, rocking back and forth crying til I was numb.  I remember screaming in the car -- thinking I could just drive this car into that tree and all my pain would be over! 
 
But I couldn't do it.  Do you know why, dear glenn? 
 
Because I have people who love me and if I took myself away from them, what would that do to THEM?  They RELIED on me.  They NEEDED me.  How selfish would it be to take me away from those who love me MOST?  I cared enough about THEM not to do it.  That's what kept me alive -- I was a pitiful soul back then but I'm better now.
 
I know you want your bro back and I'm fairly sure I know why.  At least I know how I felt.
 
You want closure, you may even want revenge, you want forgiveness -- to give it and to get it.  You want back what he took from you.
 
I can tell you that closure would be very good for you.
 
I can tell you that revenge will not and would not give you the satisfaction you seek.  It might temporarily, but it won't last.
 
I can tell you that forgiveness doesn't take two peope -- it can take just one.  I will (probably) never forgive my abuser.  He is incapable of acknowledging the hurt he caused me -- simply incapable. 
 
BUT I DID work through forgiveness ENOUGH and was able to grieve ENOUGH to be able to PUT DOWN MY BURDENS.  I don't have to be ashamed anymore.  I don't have to feel guilty because I never was.
 
The first step was a conscious choice.  The next step(s) were recognizing that I couldn't fix me alone -- I needed help.  I was stunted.  I was filled recordings that could hurt me and cause me to spiral down (still can if I let them).   I needed to understand WHY I was the way I was and what I could do about it.
 
Within you is a terribly, terribly wounded child.  He needed someone to protect him, stand up for him, to care for and love him no matter what.  The person to do that NOW is WITHIN YOU.  What happened to you changed you permanently.  There will be no taking that back (I'm sorry if I am blunt but I you need the truth in order to heal).  BUT you CAN gather that hurt little boy and comfort and care and protect and love him through this!!  You CAN!  And you should.  He NEEDS YOU!  All he has is YOU and you are good enough, in fact, you are the ONLY person who can do it.
 
You CAN recover and you CAN heal!  If can I do it, you can do it.  If the others I know can confront their abusers, even metaphorically, and get enough closure and enough forgiveness, to do it, you can do it.  It is NOT impossible.  Actually it is simple, but it is NOT easy not by ANY stretch.  You already know this, right?
 
It took me a long time and I gave my self what I needed -- I needed help.  I reached out for it, I made it happen and it was there.  I took that help.  I learned.  I grew, not a comfortable, easy growth, but a painful trial by error growth.  I walked over the bad road.  I grew more, got more help, reality checks, support, strength, wisdom even when I didn't want it.  Over the bad road.
 
I figured out.... As imperfect and stunted as I am, I am PERFECT --- JUST as I am.
 
With all the sorrow, hurt and pain that's come my way, I can not relay to you how wonderful it was one day to look in the elevator (polished like a mirror) and have that woman smile back at me and think, "I'm happy!"
 
Even if it was fleeting, the feeling came BACK and it stayed LONGER.  And it kept coming BACK and staying LONGER.
 
And one day when I was working on my garden, all by myself, I stopped a minute and sweet breeze blew by and I felt JOY.  Not just happiness, but JOY!
 
These things coming from a person who only wanted PEACE in her life.
 
Happines and JOY, my dear Glenn.  You have the capacity to get there.  It is up to you.
 

 
September 16, 2005, 11:19 pm CDT

Thinking Of Someone Else?

Quote From: smcdaniel

My husband and I love each other very much and have a wonderful relationship.  We have no trouble communicating, no real issues, nothing is wrong.

 

We were talking the other morning in bed before we got up, and my husband said that sometimes when we have sex, he thinks about other women.  No one woman in particular, and it's not all the time, but I was very surprised by this.  I have no problem with him looking at pornography occasionally; I understand that this is just another sexual outlet and it doesn't bother me at all.  But to think about someone else while we are actually having sex? 

 

He says it means nothing and that it's normal; that all guys do this sometimes.  Is that right?

  I wouldn't worry about your husband thinking about other women while having sex with you.  I really believe that most men do.  I am a 39 year old woman and I think about other men and some times women while having sex with my husband.  It seems perfectly normal to me.  My husband wont admit it but I know he does the same thing.  We both enjoy porn (not to any extreme) and often watch it before sex.  I also am not to shy to masterbate when needed.  Some times there isn't enough time in the day for us to really enjoy sex.  I work 3rd shift & he works 1st. We also have a 9 year old son & my Mother lives with us.  I say what ever makes you happy cant be to bad.  That's my opinion. Barb
 
September 17, 2005, 8:53 pm CDT

well, Im 23

Quote From: mousey

  I wouldn't worry about your husband thinking about other women while having sex with you.  I really believe that most men do.  I am a 39 year old woman and I think about other men and some times women while having sex with my husband.  It seems perfectly normal to me.  My husband wont admit it but I know he does the same thing.  We both enjoy porn (not to any extreme) and often watch it before sex.  I also am not to shy to masterbate when needed.  Some times there isn't enough time in the day for us to really enjoy sex.  I work 3rd shift & he works 1st. We also have a 9 year old son & my Mother lives with us.  I say what ever makes you happy cant be to bad.  That's my opinion. Barb
oops. what I was going to say is that I am 23 and I cant WAIT to be 39...bring it on!! sounds like fun.....hahahaha. I think I would like it but I cnat get past the point of my husband getting turned on by other women ya know?
 
September 28, 2005, 8:33 am CDT

Boyffriend/fiance doesnt kiss or touch me, what is up with that, and we have been together for almost 5 years, and it really hurts me, and I don't know what to think. I try to get him to touch me or give me the attention I need and he won't no matter wha

 
September 28, 2005, 7:57 pm CDT

not wanting to have relations with my husband

HI MY NAME IS ELISIA, I AM A LITTLE SHY ABOUT THIS. SINCE I HAD MY BABY I DONT CARE ABOUT HAVING RELATIONS WITH MY HUSBAND. IT HURTS. AND MY HUSBAND DOES NOT EVER ACT LIKE HE WANTS IT EITHER. I HAVENT LOST ALL OF THE BABY WEIGHT AND IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE THATS WHY HES REALLY NOT INTERESTED. BEFORE I HAD THE BABY BEFORE I GOT PREGNANT I ONLY WEIGHED 125 - 130. NOW I WEIGH 175. I KNOW I AM UNCOMFORTABLE  WITH MY WEIGHT,BUT IM WORKING ON THAT I WALK EVERY DAY AND I TRY TO EXERCISE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. ITS HARD TO DO WITH A 11 MONTH OLD. ME AND MY HUSBAND LOVE EACH OTHER. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 8 YEARS AND MARRIED FOR 3. I DONT KNOW IF IM UNATTRACTIVE TO HIM OR WHAT? IS ANY OF THIS NORMAL. I NEED YOURE ADVICE. PLEASE HELP ME.  

 
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