Topic : Is This Normal?

My husband and I have a healthy relationship, and we could never imagine ourselves with anyone else.  We dated for 7 years before getting married, and are going to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary at the end of this month.  Here's the thing: we never had a sexual relationship until 6 months before our wedding, and just about 2 months into our marriage I became pregnant and did not feel in the mood for sex and in general did not feel good.  Somehow we got through all of that, maintained a sexual relationship--but one in which I was frustrated because he just wouldn't leave me alone and would molest me (in my opinion) in hopes to magically get me turned on.  I would just break down and give in to him to get him to leave me alone afterward.  I was also upset that he worked so much to where he mostly did not have any days off from work after we returned from our honeymoon, so there were times that in my pregnancy I was sick and he wasn't there to help me out.  I guess at times I resented him for putting his job before our relationship, yet expected me to be a sex goddess when he was around! 

After I gave birth to our daughter, things were not too bad, and he actually started trying to be more sensitive and listen to what I told him would help me get in the mood.  But lately I am dreading sex again for another reason: oral sex.  For months he went on and on talking about it, how much he wanted it, etc.  But I always was grossed out--maybe because of some hygiene issues I have about bodily fluids and germs--and he couldn't understand that.  But one day to show him how much I do appreciate him in my life, I surprised him by giving him oral sex--with plastic wrap!  I know that sounds weird, but I didn't know what else to do because I didn't want to actually put his penis in my mouth.  I also have a thing against swallowing hair, and I would really freak out if I swallowed a pubic hair. 

So now I created a monster and my husband wants oral sex every time we make love.  For a while, he started having edd to where he'd ejaculate prematurely, and he was really embarrassed about being in bed with me.  He wanted me to perform oral sex instead.  Feeling frustrated rather than glad, I gave in.  I understand the whole plastic wrap thing is not even attractive, but I couldn't think of what else to do to combat my issues.  Finally I told him I'd consider using flavored condoms if he still wanted me to do that for him--so he bought some and we tried them out.  I really have no incentive to even give him a blow job, and when I do it I can't wait until I can be done with it!  I know that sounds horrible, and I don't know what to do about feeling that way.  I know that I would NEVER want him to give me oral sex, because that too grosses me out.  But what has been really bothering me lately is that he is trying to get me to put more of his penis in my mouth at a time, and as it is I feel like I want to gag, but I don't want to tell him that and offend him.  What should I do?  I'm so afraid that everything is falling apart and I just want to have fun in the bedroom but not have it to be just oral sex and having intercourse.  Could someone give me some advice? 

Hi, I am a 38 year old male with 4 kids & been happily married for 14 years - when we were 1st married I spent all of the summer naked around the house with no protest from my wife & she was well aware of my naturist nature as when ever we went to a secluded swimming hole I always was nude - she even did it too! 

Even when our first child was born she did not mind me being naked, she would video me playing with our child naked (camera angle above waist) 

Then as the children grew up she started to get more & more prudish & started to ask me to cover up in front of the kids, (which I did to keep the peace) 

Last summer we lived at house with a pool & she tolerated me swimming nude at night, but this year (I am in Australia - hot days of spring started already)  she is freaking out if I lay in bed nude! 

Now the children are 8 (boy) 6 (boy) 4 (girl) & 2 (boy) & she has got it into her head that I am some sort of pervert who gets off on cavorting around naked to give myself pleasure, I have pointed out to her if this was the case why don't I have a erection & she brushes this off - she says I must love myself - I reply that I am more comfortable nude - she will then say I am no stud either which I find a put down, I asked her if I toned up & lost a bit of weight could I walk around nude? she didn't have an answer for that one! 

I want other womens opinion's about this issue, am I normal? if so what can I do to convince her? I think she is being overprotective of the kids, I belive they should be exposed to nudity so when they grow up it is not a big taboo/obssesion etc 

Hey there, and thanks for replying, even if you were unsure of helping me!  I have to say that I had to think about what I wanted to respond to your question, because I am not entirely sure I've let all that go completely.  That said, I should mention that initially, I knew my hormones were all across the board after having our daughter.  That alone makes for an emotional meltdown.  In fact, I have varied in my hormones so badly since having the baby that it sometimes has affected my monthly cycles.  I did talk to the doctor about that, and he said that birth control would help.  I was going to look into an IUD, but then found our insurance wouldn't cover the procedure at all and I figured we would just use alternate methods.  For the hormones, I've simply adjusted my lifestyle a bit to boost my moods.  But it also took a lot of soul-searching with what I wanted out of the marriage, what I wanted him to do to get me in the mood, what I loved about our relationship, and how I needed more help with our child.  It was hard at first, because even now he still can get too excited and forget to be more sensitive, but I have to say we've come a long way.  When I thought back to how much I loved him back when we were dating, or even when we got married, I kept those thoughts in mind more often, and forced myself to change my habits around him--i.e. taking the initiative to kiss him first, surprise him with bear hugs, stuff like that.  The non-sexual things that still show affection.  Because I still had feelings for him even with all the hormonal imbalances, but not to where I wanted to jump his bones!  So to me it helps to still do the small things so that it gets me moving. 

You might also want to see about changing your lifestyle with your husband so that you are able to go out alone one night a week to reconnect.  Plus, do one weekend activity together as a family.  We've tried to do that and see a world of difference in the way we treat each other--we simply can't help it!  I strongly believe in maintaining a balanced diet as well, because what we eat really does have the power to influence our mood.  Graham crackers with milk as a bedtime snack helps you unwind (I really am serious about that!) rather than alcohol that gives you a high and then a low.  Pasta can also boost your mood, as would protein.  But keep everything in balance to avoid unhealthy habits.  At one time, I wanted to be a nutritionist, so I had researched on this topic.  Now I'm more of a health writer instead.  Hope I was able to assist you in some small way--I know that everyone is sure different, so different things work for others.  This is just what worked for me.  And it's still a work in progress! 

I am not sure what you issue is with oral sex or sex in general.  But you need to maybe see a Sex Doc, by yourself.  He is wanting his wife to please him, that is normal?  He is only wanting what all men want and it;s actually nothing kinky, just hard for you for some reason.  You need to find ways that work for you. BUT you have to open up and let go.  YOU are really missing out on the oral sex thing.  I have never had the big "O" that way before until my recent b\f and WOW,,,,,, you need to sit back and relax and love loving you husband and let him please you, you please him and make love like you mean it!  add some wild life into it, in a way you can handle it.