Topic : Is This Normal?

I'm a 41-year old male presently living (very happily so) with a woman for over 5 years. Here's my thoughts on your post.

 

 

- I believe your husband is still sexually attracted to you. If he weren't you would not be included in these fantasies he's indulging.

 

- There's a difference between fantasy and reality. Clearly, you are uncomfortable with blending the two-- you even speak from experience.

 

- Your question: "How can a man watch his wife have sex with another man and still love her?" My answer: he can. I've had fantasies about threesomes (MMF) with my gf, too. It's pretty hot. Why? Because I Iove to watch her enjoy herself in bed. More on that later.

 

- Don't give in. You will not respect yourself, and therefore you will not respect him. That's the beginning of the end.

 

- A marriage is a sacrament between two people. That's probably the foundation of yours. The argument here is, does he want to break that sacrament / end the marriage?

 

 

Okay, I opine... as I mentioned, my fantasies about my gf center around sex with other male partners. Here's why: she's great in bed, just loves the ol salty dog and when we make love, her lips yearn for some action.

 

My previous relationship included another girl who was curious about being with other women. My fantasies then were about being with her and a "mystery girl" (these fantasies never have a name or face-- just body parts). Knowing my present girl has absolutely zero interest in other women, I do not indulge that fantasy now. Not at all-- because what good would it do to imagine my gf not enjoying sex?

 

So... my mind now goes to another man being with her. I would absolutely love to watch her indulge herself in two lovers... and in my fantasy she is having one hell of a time.

 

But here's the thing: we've discussed it, and she has no interest in making this a reality. I'm cool with that. We play out the fantasy in bed, on occassion, using toys or just our imagination. That's hot enough for both of us. She does enjoy that (immensely), because it takes part safely in the confines of our bedroom, between two loving, consenting adults.

 

I respect her enough to not suggest it actually happen. There's no turn on for me if she feels she would not enjoy it. Please read that last line again.

 

I think you can take relevance in my scenario and apply it to yours. Your hubby's a fool if he feels pressing you into an unwanted situation is going to be healthy for anything but a short-term fix for his selfish manhood.

 

 

I am currently going through a divorce. A few months after my husband and I split up and moved into seperate residences I met someone else.  I have been seeing him for several months now and we have become very close to one another. We have the best sexual relationship, in fact it's like no other relationship I've ever experienced. There have been a few times (like 6 or more) that when we are making love my orgasim's are so intense that I will immediately break out in tears.  I have never experienced this , I feel like it is not normal that something is wrong with me emotionally.
My boyfriend says it is completely normal ,it is a release he says. For some reason I get embarrassed when I break out in tears following an extremely intense orgasim.
Like I said I feel like something is wrong with me emotionally. I forgot to mention that it is not only when we make love that I'll have such an intense orgasim ,I have actually experienced an extremely intense orgasim
 from him stimulating me orally (mouth) also.
I can't even describe the feeling , it is almost like I am scared of it because it is so intense.
How strange does that sound?
Is there something wrong with me emotionally?

A man with whom I have been having a sexual relationship for the past 5 months - we have known each other for almost 2 years and had some heavy-duty flirting going on until then - were together a few nights ago at his house.  During our having sex, his phone rang, he looked at caller ID and said he wa not going to answer.  Then his cell phone rang and he didn't answer.  Then his phone rang again and this time a message was being left - by a girl who just said basically "Hi It's me..."  I do have feelings for him; however, I do know that he is not ready for any type of relationship commitment.  After the message was left, it just took something away from the moment for me and I couldn'tdo it any more.  I felt like I had to leave, and so I told him.  He didn't get mad or anything like that, but he did just get up and put his clothes on and kind of seemed upset.  I'm not sure if I reacted too quickly on assuming something.  he did say it was nothing, that he wasn't doing anything with anyone else...  Some thoughts!!!!

A man with whom I have been having a sexual relationship for the past 5 months - we have known each other for almost 2 years and had some heavy-duty flirting going on until then - were together a few nights ago at his house.  During our having sex, his phone rang, he looked at caller ID and said he wa not going to answer.  Then his cell phone rang and he didn't answer.  Then his phone rang again and this time a message was being left - by a girl who just said basically "Hi It's me..."  I do have feelings for him; however, I do know that he is not ready for any type of relationship commitment.  After the message was left, it just took something away from the moment for me and I couldn'tdo it any more.  I felt like I had to leave, and so I told him.  He didn't get mad or anything like that, but he did just get up and put his clothes on and kind of seemed upset.  I'm not sure if I reacted too quickly on assuming something.  he did say it was nothing, that he wasn't doing anything with anyone else...  Need your input!

I recently have noticed that cybersex online is called cheating. Well my two cents is I feel it is not cheating as long as you and the person you cyber know your boundaries.

1. I do not picture the person in my mind but focus on the need to releive my sexual tention.

2. This outlet has improved my relationship with my spouse as it helps me to express my inner desires.

3. Whom are we to say as the popilice that its cheating I am not cheating I am expressing the inner me.

4. I roleplay as a fantasy character such as a succubi and within the storyline I take on another personna which perhaps does enlighten my desires.

5. I always let the other know I am married and do not wish for any other relationship except the one I have chosen as my storyline.

6. If you are up front in the beginning then I feel you have let them no your boundaries.

7. Yes sometimes I have encountered the roleplayers whom wish to mislead and desire more than offered.

8. I also know that many of these people are lonely yet cannot express theirselves either.

9. The idea of focusing on the real person and not the roleplay charactrer is what misleads the person whom cannot differiate between the real and pretend.

10. I can only state that their are definate rules in the roleplay online chats and that the real world cannot exist within the roleplay set.

11.

yes for some they cannot adhere to this and you must decline the adavances.

12. Roleplay is a community that is like a family and each person confides real world but yet maintains their views in the end.

13. Once again what is the differance bewttween the man whom views porn etc and gets off and the woman and or man which roleplays?

14. Not much in my opinion other than the fact that by viewing another and fantasizing about the picture is not any dfifferant then roleplaying a succubi whom enjoys the past time of collecting her souls.

15. The question has been asked well how would you like your huby to do the same well in his own privacy and the trust that he can control his desire and differiate between the real and roleplay is only an answr he can explain. I trust my spouse and if he explores this venue and feels comfortable with our relationship then its no differant than him watching his porn, reading his porn books, other than the fact they are real people and must be told in the beginning he is not available for further interests.

16. I cannot change or guide his actions but he enjoys roleplay and understands the issues then I must his desires just as he trusts mine.

I only wish to express that as a woman I also have needs that must be met and if cybering gives me what I miss and my hubby cannot, then I must choose my own path. I caustion though that you must adhere to the innder roleplay circle to guide you.

Before we judge another we must first understand that many people have their own desires and beliefs and it may not always fit a mold. Do not place your personal ideas and beliefs on another and say you are right and they are wrong for many thoughts are based upon experiences ratherreligous or not and does not mean another is wrong because you and the world say so. 

  Hi there

To each his own but I personally strongly disagree with you. Call it what you like but cybersex and porn are both cheating. They are both turning away from the marriage. Any sexual activity spent with someone other than your spouse has to be cheating in my opinion. This is time, energy and sexual desire and sexual energy that is spent  outside of your marriage.

  Can you not find a way to ''express the inner you'' and relieve ''sexual tension'' within your marriage? Do you do this in secret or does he know? Have the two of you discussed this ?

   It seems to me that this is just asking for big trouble. The issues of cheating,betrayal, lying etc. are simply too dangerous to bring into a relationship. But these are my opinions ...... totally different than yours regarding cybersex and cheating.

  

 i think you did the right thing in leaving because you gave him the message you are in this relationship for real and not just when the mood occurs.the phone call does not mean he is seeing other people because it could have been from a friend that just wanted to know something about work or even a realative because she only said hi its me.he should have  been up front and said who the caller was . that does not mean he had to answer it because a phone call can wait in circumstances like you guys were in.i think it is not out of line for you to ask who the caller was if he wants the relationship to be strong with you......this is my view of your situation...:)

I've had the same thing happen before.  It was always when the sex/orgasm was really good and I felt really happy.  It also seemed to be related to feeling loved and accepted--sometimes (unfortunately) after a period of time wondering if I really was loved.  I have heard about it happening to others, so it's nothing to be worried about--unless you're feeling sad or upset about something, you're being abused, etc--but that doesn't seem to be your case at all.  There is nothing wrong with you.  You are opening your heart and being vulnerable.

THank you - I appreciate your input.  I agree with you that it does not mean anything, although I know that a "friend" of his that he was living with for a short while (girl friend) wanted to pursue something with him and he does still see her (not dating seeing her, I don't believe).  He has not called since then. I have seen him once and he was friendly and acted normally, but that was it.  I'm not sure where to go from here.

 

 Hello everyone , I have been married just over 10 years. Everything was great for a while , had two kids put on weight , sex was good. Then I cheated ,I later found out I am a bipolar person. He forgave me things were great then he started masturbating more rather than have sex with me. Told him it bothered me and how it made me feel undesirable. He said it was nothing( been doing this since forever) Well lately it has been getting worse some times 2-3 times a night.

 Is it me , yes I have put on the weight but I am trying hard to take it off, but not just for him. Maybe he does it because sexually have have shut down. I haven' felt very sexy since the affair. Maybe I need to work more at giving than taking. Is there someone who can help me out or give me some advice .  Bri