Topic : Is This Normal?

Have you tried to get things to go better or you just wait and see if things change!? I have noticed that people are not willing to work for what they want. They nag and nag and nag, that does nothing, it only worsens the case!

I'm not implying you nag, I don't know you or what you have tried, but by my experience, people quit faster then they try!

If my husband would be on the computer like that, I would tell him in a nice, loving and sensere voice that, that does not apeal to me and I would like him to spend more time wiht me instead of the computer, and then go get him, without nagging,

Sex alway's gets a man attention, get dressed in a cute or sexy outfit, turn off his computer and start kissing him in the neck and .............Maybe that's the reason he's on there, he's waiting for you to make the move.

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If you both wait for someone to make the move, nothing will ever happen, someone has to start and women are stronger and better then men when it comes to this. If he never responds to your advances, well then their may be a deeper problem, but start with simple things. Go for supper, take a bath together, he likes hockey, go see a hockey game together, go play pool, whatever, just try to get away from the computer and get together, spice things up, I don't call that giving in, I call it love and compromise! If he see's you compromise he should be man enough to follow!

Don't expect it to happen over night, be patient and understanding, he will follow your lead if he sees you are really serious about this and really loves you.

good luck!

I would be curious as to whether he played computer games before you married. Not curious for any reason other than if it is his hobby and he has had it for a long time you are not going to be able to take it from him.

It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, or that he doesn't care enough about you, it just means it is something he really enjoys and is passionate about (that many hours gaming is passionate gaming). Have you ever thought about joining him in his gaming? Believe it or not lots of husbands and wives enjoy gaming together. Just as husbands and wives like mixed bowling leagues, it is a hobby/sport you do together.

You are married to him not to his mom. I don't know what brought on mom's comment, but I hope you were not bad mouthing son to his mother....not even if she invites it. Never a good idea, and never agree with a m-i-l even if you do actually agree and she is criticizing her son. If he says it is not true then it is not true, he is who you are married to, why would you even think his mothers thoughts played into it? Sheese he can't feel very good if you and his mom are questioning his motives and heart.

As far as sex is concerned, talk to him. Ask him straight up if he feels like your sex life is not what it should be. Know one thing if you think it is lousy I guarantee he does too. Your issue is communication not gaming and not sex those are side issues to the lack of quality communication. 

It is about being able to talk to each other without reprisals. Key phrase there....without reprisals.....that is essential to any relationship. That means no fits and tantrums to his answers, it means no guilt trips and no ultimatums, it means you do nothing but listen to him and he has the same rules, he has to listen. Listening impairment is the number one issue in most marriages, both suffer from it and both can overcome it. But it takes both to do so. 

Gaming, well hon, honestly my hubby games if I didn't game with him I would never see him. lol But many is the night we log the computers and head to bed together chattering away about our adventures in game and one thing leads to another....and the sex has never been better. If you want passion, try understanding what he is passionate about and let the dominoes fall.

~Ami

Oh I am suddenly having violent flashbacks! lol Sorry not laughing at you but laughing at how many of us have been straddled with dysfunctional inlaws...and hubbies for that matter. I once had a mil that told me following amnio if it wasn't perfect of course I would get an abortion right? After all you don't keep a child that isn't perfect. I just looked at her and said "well you did". Of course refering to her son. I laughed she got mad. Oh well, I am a firm believer in disarming idiots with humor. While I get to giggle she gets to deal with high blood pressure! =P

Blessed are the daughter in laws that love sons who had psycho hose beasts for mothers. God knows those sons need someone who knows how to love someone in their life. I think that is why they generally pick a partner that is affectionate, even though it is not natural to them it is something the admire and want in their lives. Of course they should come with a warning label that they of course are never going to relax enough to be comfortable at it themselves. In private is the best you are going to do if you can manage that. I hate it but it is just how it goes.

Has he asked you to forgive his mother? If he has then understand that he is not asking you to submit to any kind of admission that she is right regarding anything, that her treatment of you was ever acceptable, etc but only that you recognize that she is human and therefore subject to being a cold nutcase and you are a more mature person that you can forgive her her psychosis.

Very hard to do I promise you. But given that it seems to be a stumbling block in YOUR relationship with your husband it boils down to how much do want your relationship to grow? It is obviously stagnant now, moving forward is the goal if you are staying with him. If that means helping him be in a place where you all understand yes that is his mother, yes he loves her, yes you are his wife, yes he loves you and most of all yes he is sick of being the rope in tug of war then perhaps your relationship can grow. You do not have to pretend to understand why it is important to him that there be peace, you simply have to understand that he needs it. Part of being a mate in life is recognizing each others needs. It's a two way street, if you want him to understand and meet your needs, then you also have to try to understand and meet his. Which...drum roll......means we are back to my first thoughts on your dilemma, communication is your issue.

Bottom line it will all be work and it will be hard work. Is it worth it to you? If you were to make a list of pros and cons about your husband which list is longer? That is a good starting place. It is sometimes too easy for us to see only negative about the people in our life that we love who have let us down, it is normal. Take the time to examine just as closely the things you appreciate and admire about him. Is he capable or growing, are you capable of growing? No relationship grows unless both parties also grow, it is never just one person's issues. Deciding if you want it to is the first step, his deciding to want it to is the second step, you cannot do it alone.

I hope it works for the best, sometimes stopping and remembering why you fell in love in the first place is worth a lot. And do give the gaming a try, ask him to teach you, give him a reason to be interested in having you in his world, you two can conquer universes together! And quite possibly at least conquer your own issues. ;)

~Ami

Hello! Need your opinions..I have been dating a guy for about a month and had sex with him using a condom and he hasn't been able to ejaculate while having sex unless I perform ral sex .  I approached him on the situation and he said he finds it to be really weird he hasn't  experienced this problem in his past relationships nor does he think is becuase of the condom.  Please opinion?

First thing that came to my mind was cocaine. I am not saying that could be the only cause but it affects guys in strange ways. I knew a guy who could not ejaculate at all if he was using but he had no problem staying erect for hours, by the same token I also knew a guy that could not get an erection if he was using so like I said it varies. If it continues and there is no substance use going on he probably should see a doctor. jmo

~Ami