Quote From: odgordonI have been married with my husband for 10 years and married for 3. We were very active and had a great sex, but shortly after I started to feel uncomfortable when I found out he had a problem with porn. I found magazines, tapes, and pop ups on our computer. What bothered me the most was a disturbing look when women would walk by. He would literally stare as if they were naked. I confronted him about it, but he never actually talked about it or understood why it bothered me he just blamed it on being single for so long. When our son was born, my insecurity got worse. I had a c-section, gained 20 pounds and became even more self conscious about not living up to his standard of what he thought was sexy. We seemed to move on and slowly I try to let it go. Don't get me wrong we do have sex, but it is just that "sex". I don't even remember the last time we kissed while in bed. I have explained to him that I feel like a prostitute. Its just wham bam that you mame, no kissing involved and the sex is so disconnected. Believe me I love my husband. I couldn't imagine myself without him. I even came to except the kissing isn't really important anymore. Just a couple of days ago I was putting his clothes away and I found some porn in the bottom of his drawer. I was completely devastated. I just find is so hard to see why a married man feels the need to lust for another women. I still have not confronted him about it because I just don't know what to think? He knows something is bothering me. I have been trying to think it out, but I don't know if I should confront him or just let it go.
There is a busy message board on the Dr. Phil site that relates to porn. Have you seen it? You might want to visit there because there are lots of women in your situation. I have not had the issue come up, but I empathize. I know what you mean by the look your husband gives women. I've seen men like that. I don't think it's normal and I'm not exactly young and naive. When men looked at me like that (when I was younger and thinner, LOL), I was uncomfortable. It isn't because I didn't like being admired. It was because they weren't admiring me--they were looking at my body like it was a piece of meat and they were hungry! It was kind of creepy. I feel for the women he stares at. Anyway, being the spouse of someone who does that must feel pretty bad, too. I had a boyfriend who did that and it hurt a lot, especially because he didn't put much energy into the relationship. I'm guessing that if your husband was loving and showing you enough attention in bed (and out), you wouldn't be so annoyed by his behavior.
It seems like a lot of the women in your situation have sex that is rather boring and unsatisfying because the husbands focus on themselves and ignore their wives needs. Have you told him that you want more during sex? I would be more concerned with his lack of attention during sex (and leading up to it, too?) than his use of porn, although he might have a porn addiction and that is serious. Maybe compromising on the porn would be more likely if you were getting his attention during sex. Think so?
I think it would help you to talk to the people on the porn message board. There are women and men there who have been hanging out for a long time talking about it. They will probably have some insight into it. I am just looking at the unbalance. It looks like you're totally devoted to him and he seems to be taking you for granted; maybe it's just my first impression. What do you think?
