Topic : Is This Normal?

Ok so I need some advice here…Not sure if I put this in the right section or even if I should be asking for help but here it goes.

I have a wonderful fiancé that I was best of friends with for over five years before we even started dating. I know everything about her, good and bad. The thing is other then our sex lives I’m the happiest person there is. As for her I’m not sure but she claims to be happy and does things all the time to show it. 

In the beginning of our relationship we had sex at least nightly, yeah I know it goes down from there but it went to two times a month after she started the pill. Then once a month well now we haven’t had sex in almost three months. I don’t know what to do!  I have tried to talk to her about it because it does drive me crazy!  I wonder if it’s me or what’s going on. When I talked to her she gets very mad and just claims she’s not a sexual person and not in the mood. In any other relationship I would think she’s cheating since I can’t even get kisses out of her but with her I really trust her. I also know her past and know she’s very loyal. I’m lost!  When I brought it up in the past she has said what you want to do make a set day? maybe i should leave her and find someone that will please me or I can just lie here if its s o important to you, and each time I say never mind. This has happened twice now....

Here are some facts, she was sexually abused at a young age. I don't know if it's wrong or not but i'm afraid to push because i don't want to be like him. I'm also her longest male relationship.  Yeah her longest relationship before me was a female. She claims she isn't interested in women for sex but it leaves me to wounder.

What's going through my head, because if being shot down so many times i haven't even tried in a couple weeks. I just get in bed and go to sleep. I can't keep doing that!  I have though about just manning up and just going for it, at least going for a kiss.  At the same time we are happy other then the sex so i don't want to mess that up.  I don't want to bring up any bad memories either.  I don't know what to do!  Any help or advice may help....

her turning me down is killing me inside but i am fighting it every day. i still can't help to ask is it me?

Thanks

Do you still do things thru out the day or week to romance her? has she been under more stress lately? I suspect that unless there is some thing else going on that it could still be a issue of the abuse and that it is coming to life because the two of you are so close now.  As far as the kissing it could be because she may think that it will lead to sex, she needs to know that cuddling and kissing will not always lead to sex, that sex is not the intent that just being close to

her is the intent.

Are you sure she is just a little stress about work?  Is the stepfather the one that abused her?

Flowers and dinners are great and the stuff around the house is also good, and I think you are doing ok as far as the romance goes, perhaps throw in a movie, dance or concert in there some times but it sounds like your ok.

So I would think it then comes down to either stress at work or the stepfather, did she get any help with the abuse from a doctor (counseler)? If so perhaps she needs to see him again.

Last night I found out my husband of 12 yrs had been arrested for masturbating in a public toilet block with another man....he dropped this on me over the phone after seeing his therapist. He told me he has had thoughts for a very long time of being attracted to men and now that this has happened believes that he definately is not bisexual. I have spent the last 15 yrs of my life in a relationship that b4 we were married involved sex. Our relationship has struggled with intimacy and i think we have had sex once  a year maybe since we were married. He is not a man to show his feelings easily or share his problems. I really did not see this coming but now I know a lot falls into place. How do i believe him when he says he really found out from his embarrassing experience that he does not want men?  How will this change our lack of intimacy in our relationship if there is one left.........IS THIS NORMAL

Not sure about normal, but I do think that he needs to continue to see his therapist regarding this and also the two of you should see a marriage counseler if you deside you want to stay with him, Im sorry but sex once a year is not good.

I know that she is stressed about another job that she wants and is really over board at her current one.  She's also the bread winner in our relationship though i do cover my own things.

Yes it was her stepfather...one thing i was thinking last night every night before bed for acouple hours she watches crime shows, usually with abuse.  after watching those i always feel strange trying. One thing i wounder is should i still at least try from time to time or just leave her be?  I have't really tried in at least a month. I wounder if she wants me to take charge? 

She didn't really see a doctor and said that she would someday but still to this day i can't get her to go...

What do i do?  how do i comfort her and how do i handle all this?  I do love her and will do anything for her but i want to understand...

Thanks

I am the mother of two beautiful boys.  One is 19 months the other is 5.  My husband has suffered from mental issues for most of his life.  I did not fully realize how bad they were when we married almost 7 years ago.  We are to the point now that it seems we have exhausted all of the resources around our area.  I teach school in a small rural area so financially this has been a huge burden to carry.  He has been unemployed for over two years, doctors say he is not well enough to work but no meds or therapy seem to work..  He is now sitting in a county jail for running from the police, whom I called to get help.  Can anyone out there help me????  Barb