Quote From: glaceauI have a great boyfriend and he is more than I can ever ask for. He has always been faithful and trustworthy. We've been going out for almost a year now and at first we had sex several times a week (about 3 to 4 times), but the past 5 months or so, if I was lucky, we'd have sex about once a week, if even that. We're both in our 20s and young, so I decided to talk to him about his lack of drive over the past few months. He told me that his father is a sex addict and he cheated on his mother. He says he loves me very much and is afraid that like alcoholism is genetic, so is a sex addiction, and he doesn't want to trigger the addiction because he doesn't want to turn into his father. He wants to remain faithful to me and that's why there's been a lack of sex. He is afraid he is going to become a sex addict too.
I respect his fear, and feel as if I can't do anything to help him. On the same token, I realize sex isn't everything in a relationship. However, I don't know if I can live the rest of my life with sex only once a week. He sometimes starts the foreplay and then leaves me hanging because of his fear, tells me he wants me, and then stops. Lately, I've been stopping him from touching me sexually and I don't want the kisses to last too long either because I don't want to get worked up for something that's not going to happen. I get enough verbal affection, but I would also like some more physical affection. I love him and I don't know what to do. It would be stupid of me to leave him over lack of sex, especially considering how I feel for him. Any words of encouragement or help for me to get through this?
Hi
Sexual addiction involves a wide variety of practices and is a progressive process that can lead to dangerous behaviours in time. It can range from masturbation to pornography. Phone sex,web camming and peeping toms are also sub headings under sexual addiction. It is obsessive compulsive behaviour that can not be controlled without help. Although I have read that alcoholism has a genetic predisposition, it certainly does not mean you are going to be an alcoholic for sure. I have never read that about sexual addiction however.
Having a great and fulfilling sex life is normal. It does not mean you are addicted to sex. Patrick Carnes writes about sexual addiction and has a site on the web. If you need to know more on the subject and in more detail you could look it up.
There could be so many reasons for the lack of sex on his part. It could be physical or emotional. You could suggest he see a doctor to rule out things. You could also suggest he educate himself on sexual addiction and see if he fits into any of the criteria.
I just don't see that enjoying healthy sex with a partner he loves will trigger an addiction, not if he has told you the truth about everything. Communication and knowledge will get you your answers. jljs
