Home Message Boards

Topic : Is This Normal?

Number of Replies: 1103
New Messages This Week: 1
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:19:40 pm
Author : dataimport
Your partner asked you to do WHAT? Some things are taboo. Some things are common but just not discussed. Where does your sex life fit in?

Join the new Dr. Phil Community! Currently in BETA, the new Dr. Phil Community will allow you to personalize your message board experience. Start by creating your user profile here.

For help and FAQs on the new BETA Community, please click here.

 
elghzlan
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
worried
June 19, 2007, 3:48 am PDT

I need your advice.

I love someone who is all my life, but the problem that I feel emotional frigidity with him!!

And he said that we must practicing sex every day!! I don’t think so. It’s really terrible!! I think it’s must be ones in a year.

I need your advice.

 

yours,

 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
aprilssmiling
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
June 19, 2007, 3:50 am PDT

not just sex

Quote From: aggredior

I think a lot of the previous posts here concerns your situation as well. It's really hard to say just what it is when I know so little of the situation. You mention three things you're thought of, if he's cheating, gay or "roomate." Have you really asked him? My advice is to sit down and talk to him about the problem. If your family says it's gone too far, and that you should leave him, maybe that's a thing worth concidering, but only after you've tried talking with him about it. This is a serious issue for you If sex is something you need in your life, and your husband "refuses" to give it to you, so you can't get both, it's at least about time to consider which one is more important. Sex or your husband.
I read  more of the recent posts,  and it isn't just about the act of sex,  It's about the fact i'm being rejected on a  daily basis.

I could live with no sex,  if i could at least feel like i'm wanted,  and loved in that way.  I've talked to him about it, straight out asked him the tough questions, he just says it's my bipolar, and hormones.  He's not offended because he knows i'm crazy.

I want him to be offended,  I want him to be passionate about the fact i  feel this way.  I want him to  show me,  that  even if we aren't intimate,  He  really still loves  me and wants me in that way.
..... It's really hard to feel i'm more then just his roommate, when it seems like he's disgusted to touch me.

It isn't about the choice between my husband and sex,  It's about feeling like a wife, and feeling used then discarded.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
aprilssmiling
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
June 19, 2007, 3:57 am PDT

..

Quote From: elghzlan

I love someone who is all my life, but the problem that I feel emotional frigidity with him!!

And he said that we must practicing sex every day!! I dont think so. Its really terrible!! I think its must be ones in a year.

I need your advice.

 

yours,

 

     I am trying to understand,  Hopefully i got this right,   You feel He is emotionally frigid?  and he wants you to practice sex with him every day? 

"it's really terrible"   -quote-
 
do you think sex is terrible, or him asking you is terrible?
It's hard to offer advice on this because i'm not sure i've got what your saying correct.

So far though, I'd say try thinking of ways to share emotion in your everyday life with or without sex.  Sometimes it just takes hearing and seeing that your wanted and loved before you get to the bedroom to make things less "terrible"
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
elghzlan
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
June 19, 2007, 4:14 am PDT

Is This Normal?

Quote From: aprilssmiling

     I am trying to understand,  Hopefully i got this right,   You feel He is emotionally frigid?  and he wants you to practice sex with him every day? 

"it's really terrible"   -quote-
 
do you think sex is terrible, or him asking you is terrible?
It's hard to offer advice on this because i'm not sure i've got what your saying correct.

So far though, I'd say try thinking of ways to share emotion in your everyday life with or without sex.  Sometimes it just takes hearing and seeing that your wanted and loved before you get to the bedroom to make things less "terrible"

I think sex is terrible ...

THANK U 4 Ur Advice.

 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
aggredior

Message Emote
blank
June 19, 2007, 5:11 am PDT

Is This Normal?

Quote From: elghzlan

I think sex is terrible ...

THANK U 4 Ur Advice.

 

Care to share why you think having sex is terrible? Is the intimacy? The sex itself? What's so bad about it?
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
aggredior

Message Emote
blank
June 19, 2007, 5:55 am PDT

Is This Normal?

Quote From: aprilssmiling

I read  more of the recent posts,  and it isn't just about the act of sex,  It's about the fact i'm being rejected on a  daily basis.

I could live with no sex,  if i could at least feel like i'm wanted,  and loved in that way.  I've talked to him about it, straight out asked him the tough questions, he just says it's my bipolar, and hormones.  He's not offended because he knows i'm crazy.

I want him to be offended,  I want him to be passionate about the fact i  feel this way.  I want him to  show me,  that  even if we aren't intimate,  He  really still loves  me and wants me in that way.
..... It's really hard to feel i'm more then just his roommate, when it seems like he's disgusted to touch me.

It isn't about the choice between my husband and sex,  It's about feeling like a wife, and feeling used then discarded.
That made it a bit more clear at least. I'm not sure I can give you better advice than to talk to him again. I sense he doesn't see how strongly you feel about this. Even though you say it's a problem, his underestimating the seriousness of it all, probably because he doesn't see it as a problem himself. If you could somehow get him to understand how this is tearing on you, maybe he'll choose to put a litle more effort into it.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
aprilssmiling
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
June 19, 2007, 3:49 pm PDT

thanks

ya i know.  Just wish there was a magic wand.

thanks.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
newyork283

Message Emote
blank
June 19, 2007, 11:25 pm PDT

Sexual violence?

My female partner likes to be spanked, humiliated and strangled for sexual gratification.  She had a long-term relationship with an older man who liked this, but I'm not excited by this at all.  In fact, I'm a disturbed by the fact that she finds this arousing (especially the strangulation), and found it arousing with someone else.  The few times I tried these things with her, she became exceptionally aroused; I on the other hand, felt uncomfortable.  When we have sex any other way, she is barely aroused.  I feel bad because, she trusted me a lot to tell me her preferences, however, I think she knows I'm unhappy with this part of her desires, and now feels judged.  I love her very much, but I'm not sure what to do in this situation. 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
aggredior

Message Emote
blank
June 20, 2007, 12:28 am PDT

Is This Normal?

Quote From: aprilssmiling

ya i know.  Just wish there was a magic wand.

thanks.
Oh yeah, don't we all. But magic wands are overrated. The reward will be oh so much better when you know you deserve it.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
aggredior

Message Emote
blank
June 20, 2007, 12:37 am PDT

Is This Normal?

Quote From: newyork283

My female partner likes to be spanked, humiliated and strangled for sexual gratification.  She had a long-term relationship with an older man who liked this, but I'm not excited by this at all.  In fact, I'm a disturbed by the fact that she finds this arousing (especially the strangulation), and found it arousing with someone else.  The few times I tried these things with her, she became exceptionally aroused; I on the other hand, felt uncomfortable.  When we have sex any other way, she is barely aroused.  I feel bad because, she trusted me a lot to tell me her preferences, however, I think she knows I'm unhappy with this part of her desires, and now feels judged.  I love her very much, but I'm not sure what to do in this situation. 

If you think she knows you're unhappy with it, don't stop there. Tell her about it. All of these things comes down to one thing; communication. She have told you her desires, so tell her yours. And for gods sake tell her you're not judging her. You're not aroused by this, which is something she needs to understand, but since she is very aroused by it, do you really want to take it away from her?

 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
Post a Message

First | Prev | 82 | 83 | 84 | 85 | 86 | 87 | 88 | 89 | 90 | 91 | Next | Last